ok, how do you make them go away? i can't stop thinking about him and the ow. 4 1/2 years is soooooo long. how do i feel good about myself? i feel so disgusting, how could i have been any good if he could do all this while he had me??? i want to be in love, has anyone had an affair after they'd been betrayed? did you ever fall in love? my husband is doing everything right...my heart is dead. is this ist, will i never have love again? i am trying to enjoy the present moment, but the horrible pain keeps haunting me, HOW CAN I MAKE IT STOP!!!!

It takes time, it takes forgiveness. You've got to move your thoughts onto something else--rebuilding your marriage, if that is your goal.<P>Your profile says you are a Christian:<P>Phil 4:8 "...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."<P>"Take every thought obedient to Christ's will" (can't find the verse reference at the moment)<P>Get your mind off your H and on God. His grace is sufficient for you.<P>When I was in the worst of my angry period, my counselor had me write down every hurtful thing/detail I was angry/hurt about. Then just rail & wail to God. Then go through the list and forgive each thing and give it to God to deal with. After that if the Enemy taunted me with thoughts of those things, I could simply remind myself that those things were in God's hands. Or if i didn't do that and dwelt on the crap again, I could go through the forgiveness all again.<P>I have to stay in forgiveness every single day, mostly because up until very recently my H's bad behaviors continued.<P>I'm not saying any of this is easy, but giving it all to God to deal with HELPS.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>

neen,<BR>Well, my H had an affair for 3 years, treated me like gold the whole time, never made me feel like he didn't want me, and that is evident now that I have him totally with me only. I guess it was like a double life for him for a while. Now he is putting all his time and effort in to one life. I guess the only thing I can tell you is, listen to and see how he is being with you NOW, concentrate on your life NOW, start a new life, look inside of both of you and see if the qualities that you once fell in love with are still there, do you want back what you once had? Does he? How much in love with him were you before you found this out? It's still there IF you want it to be. If the Love was strong, you can get through this, you can have a strong marriage again, you will be able to trust again, but, he will have to prove that by the way he shows you how sorry he is and how much he loves you. These are very obvious feelings that you will see, IF they are inside of him. He is with you, he could have left along time ago, any time during this period, but he didn't. Give these old feelings you both have a chance to surface, don't deprees them, I now you hate him right now, but try to move on, try to have a little compassion and open up to him. These are hard things to do, it takes time, but a little each day will build. It doesn't work for everyone, but If you have given him a chance as of today, give it alittle longer, know that you did try. Remember---He Is With YOU.<BR>Almost <P>---------<BR>TIME

thank you for the reminders, it's hard work isn't it? my husband is doing everything to try and win my heart now. i am forgiving with my will and my feelings have not caught up yet. thankyou for helping. sometimes the questions come so fast and the answers are slow in coming.

Neen,<BR> I know what your going through, same thing<BR> happens to me. What I have been trying to do<BR> is when I start thinking about him and other woman, like when I'm driving down the road, I roll down my window and throw her out! Sound crazy? Its been working for me,<BR> I'm serious, lol. I was in bed with my husband, started thinking those thoughts of her again, then I thought no way ,shes not sleeping between us so I kicked her out of bed. You got to take your life back, shes not worth wasting energy on, ya know? Let your husband do good things for you,those feelings of love will come back. Its been a few days over 4 months since discovery for me<BR> and this weekend I think I might have finally let go of some of those thoughts in my head and really felt love for him.I was beginning to think it was the end for us but<BR> something inside me wouldnt give up.I dont know if this will help you or not but I wish you luck.