Some of you may remember my story of my wife and I having problems. I know I need to start over and need a little help. One addition to my story is that my wifes brother was in a bad accident and is in critical condition and that is adding to her stress and mine. Its making it harder for me to do anything that helps us. And it doesnt help that the rest of her family is, for the lack of better words, worthless. Her brother is 2 hours away in a hospital and none of them want to stay there with him so my wife feels more obligated to spend more time with him, which is fine. anyway. My first plan of action is to catch her at work and act as a stranger and start talking to her, finally asking her out on a date (hopefully she plays along). Any suggestions on first and early dating ideas will be greatly appreciated. Its been 16 years since I had to worry about this and truthfuully was never really good at it then. Any little ideas of things I can do that might touch her will help.
P.S. She hates flowers <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I don't know your history, Loving...did you guys do the Emotional Needs questionnaires? Love Busters? RC questionnaires?

These better identify her desires...and don't rely on your love language (admiration is what that one sounds like to me...which is attention and appreciation, too)...and I won't DJ trying to guess what her ENs are...

If you'll give me her love languages...her ENs, maybe I can help?

LA

Heres the problem. I cant get her to do any of this. I am so starting over that Its like we never happened before so there is nothing for her to work on. I am by myself on the getting help thing.

Hey loving,

I know you asked for guy's POV. Here's one from a gal.

If she hates flowers, don't get her any! I know you want to throw her off a loop.

Since she's stressed out about her brother's condition, OFFER instead to take her there and be with her. She'll love and appreciate you for it. Besides, her concerns for her brother will not want to put her in a mood of trying to guess who the notes are from. Save these ideas when she is more at peace about her brother's welfare. Do the things that will show your support for what she is going through. And since her family is "worthless" as you put it, anything that you do for her and her brother will weight more than gold.

So save those ideas later on.

Stargazelily

Here's another idea.

When you offer to drive your wife to see her brother, come up with a plan that will raise her spirit. For instance, did you two used have picnics together? If so, pack a picnic basket. If there's a great spot on the way to the hospital, stop there and have a picnic. OR you can also call the hospital ahead and find out about her brother's condition and ask if he's able to eat anything other than hospital food. If so, find out what he can eat, get it, pack it and have a picnic in his room. Find out from your wife what he likes if you don't know. And about the flowers that your wife hates? Bring them to her brother! That gesture will mean a lot AND may help your wife look at flowers differently.

Just a thought....

Thanks for the advice. Heres a little update. Her brother has done very well and actually came home so a lot of her stress is relieved. I have not been doing much on our part to keep from pressuring her during her brothers crisis. But now that thats much better I am going to work on us. I havent had any luck getting anyone to help me do the secret admirer notes so I am going tomarrow night and act like a stranger and ask her on a date. Gotta start somewhere. Dont have to worry about the flowers now. Hopefully this will be the start of a renewed loving relationship. Wish me luck. Thanks