O.k.!!!!!

What is wrong with me??

I will go back to being firm. I just feel like I come across as uncaring.

Kim

OMG!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

ok, I just picked myself up off the floor. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> The issue here isnt that he doesn't think you CARE. The issue is that he doesn't believe you are FIRM AND RESOLVED in your conditions. Because you have been so willing to bend on your conditions in the past, he still believes there is room to manipulate and negotiate.

I guarantee you 100% that if he refuses to send the nc letter to the OWH that he is not done and you are just setting yourself up for more grief. There is only one reason he would not want the OWH to get that letter, and that is because it would ruin his chances at getting the OW.

I suspect he wants to "talk about what it will take" again because he didn't get his way about taking DS out of state for a week. He wants the opportunity to manipulate you with some guilt to get his way. But, I bet if you refuse to fall for this maneuver and simply FIRMLY reiterate your most basic STEP ONE, that he will run.

You will see exactly how serious he really is when you make that letter a condition to even talk to you. Let's just see....

I am going to make the letter my first step.

I'm coming across all wrong tonight.

I'm not going to make excuses(although I have plenty of them). I'm just going to resolve to make tomorrow the start of being back in the best Plan B that I can be in.

Mel, once again thanks for your advice and time. Didn't mean to make you fall on your bottom.

signing off.

Kim

Agree with ML..

NC letter to OW AND OWH is prerequisite to even *speaking* with you..not prerequisite to recovery.

Also agree this is in retaliation for refusal to allow DS out of state.

Pep - My goal is to be the best "me" that I can be. To find myself again(which I am definitely on my way to doing). To love myself and improve on my weaknesses where I can. To do things that I forgot that I love doing.

My purpose in Plan B - I guess has a lot to do with with what my goals are. My purpose is not to hang on to WH. I need to let him go & live my life as Kimberly. Not WH's wife. My marriage was not perfect, but there are two in a marriage.

Plan B is all about HIS actions. Not mine. My actions are independent of WH. If WH wants back into my life, he needs to back his words up with actions.

I am still thinking through all of this Pep. Thanks for the homework assignment.

Noodle - thanks for checking in. ML is right.

I'd also like to share the Father's Day card that DS made for his Daddy while he was at camp today(this is one of several). It has a picture of himself and WH on the front, with "Happy Father's Day". On the insdie it says:

"Note: I love you rely much and I also want you to come home because I love you rely much."

**the typos in "really" are DS's.

Kim

You are a good Mom! Stupid alien! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

My DS use to say "I love you big much" just melts my heart.

Hi all -

Nothing visible happened as a result of my reiteration of conditions to WH last week. Another note on Thursday now asking about taking DS on an overnight for yesterday to the Zoo. I had already made plans for me and DS and I did not respond at all. He called and left a message on my phone and I still did not respond.

WH bought a season's family pass for us to the Zoo. with both of our names on it.

WH picked up DS today as usual. I let DS pick out a gift for Father's Day for WH -- He chose a T-Shirt that said "Worlds' Greatest Dad."

I enjoyed time with my Dad yesterday and this morning.....was very nice.

Kim

This is powerful. My son did a similar in a latter to his dad. While it did't stop the A, it created a hostile environment for the A that put the OW and WS at odds (OW tried to convince the WS that children are better off with only 1 active parent). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Of course the nutcase only had 2 german shepherds and no children. Wonder if the dogs really like staying with her? LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

So let your support group do some work in your behalf. I think you have a real trooper of support in your little one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

Hi Orchid - Hope you are doing well!!! I remember reading the note your son wrote. You posted it one time somewhere. Quite powerful.

I am going about my day to day business as usual....Getting back to feeling peacful again. Only communciation recently is a note last week from WH asking if DS could go to a special event on Saturday(not their normal visiting day). WH had already talked it over with DS & invited him before checking with me to see if I had any plans. At first DS wanted to go(and I was going to let him since he had already gotten his hopes up). Then later in the week DS decided he did not want to go. So I sent a note to WH stating that DS didn't want to go.

DS wanted to watch some old videos yesterday........pulled some out with WH on them. Just hearing his voice brought tears to my eyes and I decided to leave the room. Was able to watch a little bit of them this morning with DS. It made me realize what a good Dad WH was and how much I wanted to sit this thing through to see if WH would do what is necessary to heal my pain and gain my trust.

We had a lot of good times, lots of wonderful family things. Just being a family, watching DS grow.

DS still fusses sometimes about going with his Dad on Sundays, but I know that once he gets out with him they have a good time.

Still doing a lot of reading. Work is good.

Kim

OOOOOHHHHH I just remembered this awful dream that I had last night. I found out that my Dad had an A!!! My Dad, who I thought would be the last man on earth to do anything like that. It was terrible. My Dad has stood behind my Mom through so much.

In my dream, my sister knew about it(like she is the only one in my family to know about my A) and she ended up telling me. Then I stumbled across some e-mails that my Dad had sent the OW. My mom knew about the A and had asked my Dad to stop. He told her he would.

Well, he hadn't.

So, I found out about it(and in my dream, my WH's A was ongoing too). My sister made me swear I wouldn't let Mom and Dad know that I knew. But I told her I HAD to talk to Dad. To let him know what was going on with me.....to explain to him how much pain that was causing Mom. How it felt to be betrayed.

Dad walked in while I was reading his e-mails to the OW. Then I woke up.

YUK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kim

affair-themed dreams suck

sounds like you are doing just fine by the way

did you read this thread ???

CarolK's story

I think there might be things in it for you

Pep

Pep -

The link is not showing up for me.....

K

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Oh, now it's there. I read the first page --- Wow. How do I work this into a Plan B sitch?? How will WH actually know that I am moving on? I don't talk to him.

I don't even know how much DS talks about what we do.....I can definitely plan on being "late" getting home a couple of times a month.....that will throw a bit of mystery his way.

I just need some ideas on this.

I am doing good this week. Have decided to go back to taking this day by day. Making each day a good day. That will make each week a good week and so on........

I think I got hit on by a teenage kid yesterday at the mall. He was tending one of the stores that DS and I went in - He motioned me away from DS and asked me "If I would be offended if he told me I was a m....." Well, I couldn't understand what he said. So I asked him again. He winked at me and repeated himself. I still didn't know what word he said so I just said that "I didn't know what that was." He said "Never mind, I'm sorry."

I got embarrassed even though I had no clue what he said.

Thanks Pep.

Kim

My guess is he called you a MILF, go rent "American Pie," for a full definition. I'd type it here but I'm afraid it would be edited out! For a teenage boy, that was definately a compliment!

mom
I'd
like
(to)
f

Go ahead ... edit me ... make my day

Clint Eastwood / Dirty Harry

not for your use at this time Kim

perhaps in the future if he comes around

Pep

Pep- sounds good! I will hold onto all of that. MY WH IS GOING TO COME AROUND. I believe!!!

MILF????? OMG!!!!!!! Now my face is truly red all over again. I obviously have not watched American Pie!

I think I should feel slightly offended by that. I'm so naive. So a good thing that I did not know what it was! But, hey. That's a good boost for a woman my age.....................So, I'll also let is build my ego a bit.

Doubt I'll go back to that store for a while though.

Alrighty then. DS is home and we are going to have Popcorn & a movie!

OWWWW!! O.k., I ran upstairs b/c DS wanted to show me some signs he made for the "theatre". I was coming down & was jumping from the second step to the bottom(one step). I jumped so high I hit my head on the ceiling above the landing. OWWW!! I'm such a klutz!

Kim