Kim, did you chicken out sending the OWH that letter? Can't you just email him a copy and tell him on email that your H has told you often that he "beats" her?

Hi Mel - I still would rather tell OWH that on the phone. He didn't respond at all to my last e-mail.......

WH seems not to understand what an emergency is. He left me two messages today. He is irritated b/c I have not responded. He wants to know about a scheduling change for Sunday. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to be able to plan ahead enough to get that done through a note. He sent a note up on Thursday for Sunday. Leaving me no days to respond back in a note & I am trying hard not to text him.

I am still trying to decide what I want to do. He wants to pick up early (4 1/2 hours) for a special event at the Zoo. I am not surprised that he doesn't consider that I might have already made plans. I haven't, but it is still irritating. Last Sunday he dropped DS off 2 1/2 hour early from their visit. I was trying to study for some tests and it totatlly ate into my study time.

So, I am either going to totally ignore his note and vm's or I am going to text him in the mornigng with an answer "yes" or "No". I am also going to need to decide whether or not I need to give him an outline of what an "emergency" is or tell him to not leave ANY vm's at all.

The other thing is to tell him if he wants to change the weekend schedule to give me a week's notice.

Is this to "overboard"? I almost feel like I have to lay out these rules. He can't seem to stick to anything.

I think he is slightly mad about the dark Plan B thing again & the probably OW got her letter - there is probably a little friction in the "lovenest".

Kim

Kim, he uses these "scheduling changes" to stay in contact with you and to keep you constantly dragged into his crap. He is doing this to control you. I wouldn't allow ANY scheduling changes unless it is an emergency.

You already told him this, don't tell him again. Just IGNORE HIM. He knows if he breaks the rules he will be rewarded with your endless CLARIFICATIONS. So don't clarify anymore. HE KNOWS THE DEFINITION OF EMERGENCY. He knows the score, he is just playing you.

You must find an intermediary, Kim.

Ignore, I did. what does he do? He shows up today EARLY. Assuming that he could just come since I never responded one way or the other. DS & I were both in our jammies. I heard the horn honk, but DS didn't. So I ignored it. (At that point, WH would have know good and well that I was not expecting him.....I always send DS out when he just honks the horn in the driveway) Then I heard a knock on the door. Ignored.(AGAIN, A SIGN TO WH TO GET LOST) Then the doorbell rang. DS head that & I told him not to answer since we were both in jammies(that's our rule anyway). DS went upstairs to peek from the landing to see who it was & came running down to the door "it's Daddy!" He opened it & WH asked why he wasn't ready to go......WH pulled DS into messaging between he & I(I should have gone to the door, didn't b/c I was in my jammies..........I know WH has seen me fresh out of bed before, but I didn't want to confront him that way....self-conscious kimmie.) Anyway, ended up sending WH away via DS(DS was begging me to let him go......) I told DS to tell WH to come back later, an hour earlier than normal(the event would still be going on until 3 PM)

WH was furious. Left me a lovely vm. Used the "f" word and said what I did was "sh.....y". Again, blaming me. Again dragging me in.

My Angel Life-Line Mel Lane is an awesome straightener-outer. Helped me get my thinking straight. THANK YOU SO MUCH MEL!!!!!! Logically, I should be livid that once again WH has crossed the boundary and treated me with disrespect.

WH has once again sunk a deeper hole into my Love Bank. I am sinking deeper into Plan B. Will be making a monthly schedule and sending it ONCE a month. If WH wants to change something, he can mark on it & put in my mailbox.

I told WH not use my vm. Period.

When DS got home tonight, I had picked up stuff for Ice Cream Sundaes - we had those and then turned on some music and sang. I tried to encourage DS to play his guitar, got out one of WH's acoustics and strummed to the music. Maybe I should learn to play too. We danced around for about 1/2 an hour. Had a blast.

Tomorrow I am getting back on track to complete my studies for my Insuracnce License Renewal. If I move to my hometown next year, I will need it.

Blessings,

Kim

{{{{{{{{{{{KIM}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

You sound much, much better tonight! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Mel!!!!!!! I am Sooooooo much better. Was a mess this morning!

Thanks again my friend!

Kim

She was mine, too, Kim.

Don't you just love her?

I think you did so well today, Kim.

I loved my image of you and your DS dancing.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hi Mimi! Thanks for checking in. Yep, Mel is in so many places at once. She is a true Angel.

I almost let DS go this morning with WH. I almost caved in - was actually letting DS get dresssed to go. Then I thought, NO. I am not going to let WH do this. I knew it would put DS in a bad position for me to tell him NO, but I decided to stand my ground and enforce my boundaries.

So that was actually an accomplishment for me.

Later, on the way to church, I told DS that I was sorry about what happened. That it made me really sad. That Daddy didn't have the o.k. to come early and Daddy needed to stick to the schedule. DS was worried that WH wouldn't come back. I assured him that he would.

Take care Mimi!

Kim

Hi Kim,

Your WH sounds a lot like mine, when it comes to his anger towards you. Basically everything is YOUR fault. Don't believe that, and stay strong.

Milk

Hi Milk. WH has said "he was sorry for the trouble" in a note to me before. But that is as close as he's come to taking any responsiblity for this mess.

I will not be listening to his vm's anymore though. He left two on Monday and I deleted them. I am done with him trying to pawn off his bad behavior on me.

It is ridiculous the way the WS's think.

But you know what? We are and will overcome this. It's been said before & I really believe it.

You take care of yourself and DS.

Still trying to figure out how to handle the tax check. I have been pretty dark for 2 weeks now. I will have to meet WH at the bank to split up the checks.

Kim

Welp, WH never ceases to amaze me. I gave him a calendar outlining the entire month's schedule. He shows up today at the wrong time! I am sure he blames me.

Student Holiday, so I had asked him in a note about 4 weeks ago if he could split the day of taking care of DS. NEVER got a response. So I figured he forgot about it or just was not responding.

DS had a friend over & I was not going to have a reenactment of the same thing 2 weeks ago w/DS in the middle. So, I broke Plan B and called WH. I didn't want WH coming to the front door. I told him that he needed to come back at 5. He tried to go into the "But you asked me to split this day with you" guilt trip. I didn't bite.

He also left me another vm that I deleted.

I am beginning to just not care about this M anymore. But the good news is that I stayed calm and told him to go away.

Kim

Hmmm. I posted yesterday, but it got lost. Oh well. I didn't realize it had been so long since I HAD posted.

Am reading up on everyone to see how you are all doing.

Nothing else has changed. I continue to get VM's and notes from WH. I delete the VM's. The notes end with I love you. Yet, WH is still not willing to do what it takes to meet my conditions.

Had pictures done yesterday of DS and myself. I took of the heart pendant that WH gave me the day of DS's birth. I signified our family and had each of our birthstones in it. I wore my cross instead. Plan on giving a picture of myself and DS to WH"s parents.....

Not much else new with me. Had a great Thanksgiving and looking forward to a wonderful Christmas!

Kim

Hi Kim,



Glad to hear you are doing OK...and 'standing up' to your WS!

((((((((((KIM)))))))))

Had a nice Christmas....DS is with my parents this week and I miss him incredibly. I don't see how WH spends the time away from DS. He misses so much.

DS will be back tomorrow yay!

WH lost his calendar that I gave him at the beginning of the month. I listened to one of his VM's when I shouldn't have. Anyway, he is trying to make plans to pick up DS early on Sunday to go to the zoo. I didn't respond to his VM's -- he has left about 5 this week.

With the New Year coming, I am thinking of going forward with my plans to sell the house and move 2 hours away. I believe I will counsel with Steve H first and then a lawyer.

I don't plan on filing separation papers.....yet.

Happy New Year (early)

Kim

Have my first consultation with a lawyer on Tuesday. Not sure which route I am going to go -- LSA or D. I don't want either, but WH thinks I am going to wait around forever. I am not waiting around forever.

Still have my ups and downs and the ups are much more frequent although I wish I could just stop thinking about this whole mess altogether.

Hope everyone in MB land is doing o.k. --

Kim

Good to "see" you again, (((Kim)))

wow. I haven't posted in a while.

My visit with the lawyer was not fun. I hated it. He did give me some food for thought, but afterwards I cried and cried.

I am not ready for the D yet.

So, a week or so later I sent a TM to WH - "Miss U" He TM back "can I call you?" My reply: "Are you done with OW?" His reply "yes."

We ended up talking on the phone the next night .....He brought up that he would like for us to see a counselor. He said that It was over with OW. That things have changed, etc. etc.

Said that OW got beat up bad enough by her H to get sent to the ER. That OWH is not in the house any more & there is a restraining order.

I have not confirmed that story.

This was about a month ago. We have both had a counseling session individually and it is now his job to get us a counseling session together.

Our counselor understands my desire to follow the MB plan. She agress that a NC letter needs to be sent.

WH is dragging his feet with setting up the session. Which tells me a lot. He is still not willing to take action.

I hanging in there for a little while longer though. I know we can make it, but only if he pulls his weight. I want us to be a family again, for my sake, WH"s sake & DS's sake.

I have been doing pretty good -- get together with Peachy now & again!! she is a lot of fun!!

Can't believe that D-Day 2 year anniversary is coming up.

Geez.

Kimberly

Hi Kim,

Good to hear from you.



Yes.. hard to believe....I have passed my 2 year D-day anniversary.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Oh....how time flies when you're having fun <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />....LOL!

Kim,
So good to get an update from you, I check often to see if there is any new news from you. I'll keep your family in my prayers.