Just out of curiosity, and I imagine it probably depends on where each one is now... but here's the question:

If you could go back, would you marry your spouse again?

My immediate answer is NO.

I am just 4 months pass d-day but this immediate NO kind of worries me.
I will give it some meditation.

NO!!!!

Back to 1986, would I marry that girl again ? ABSOLUTELY !

We had 17 awesome years together and all kinds of adventures before it got bad and Squids affair turned us upside down.

I wouldn't change the pre-A years for the world.

YES! I married for real because I wanted to.

Absolutely not. In balancing the quarter of a century of what I thought was a good marriage against the seven years since, the negative outweighs the good by a factor of 1000 to 1.

Absolutely not.

The amount of abuse I've taken from displaced anger and mistreatment has been enough to where I will never trust another woman ever again.

I would, but only if I can take the knowledge I've gained back with me. I'd certainly do things differently.

Willow,

Just 4 months after d-day, I would imagine your emotions are still pretty raw.

I'd be more concerned if you still feel this way two years from now.

--SC

Post deleted by Cherished

i am almost five years out from d-day.....for a long time, and i mean years the answer was no. over the last 2 years it has changed into a certain yes! it took him awhile, but he is finally getting it and we both seem happy. we are happy. he is again the man i fell in love with and getting better everyday!

Yes! I would. I don't think the sum of a marriage can be based on one thing. I may not have had an affair, but I am not blameless in the relationship.

We are both enjoying all the work it takes to make our marriage stronger and healthier.

There were lots and lots of good times before the A and we are doing our best to have lots more of them now.

My first instinct would be to say yes... but after thinking about this for awhile... maybe no...

I am so in love with my FWH, but I sadly do not think he feels the same. And, why would I want to be with someone who was not *in love* with me ???

Now, if I could wave a magic wand and make him feel about me, the way that I feel about him -- that I would do !!!

(MY FWH is such a huge CA, that he has mentioned many times, that he wishes we had never met !! geesh)

Carnation

I shout loud to the sky - NO - if I could turn back the hands of time - I would have NOT ignored the huge red flags that were right in front of my face prior to my wedding - I'm so adamant about wanting to erase this marriage (I'm a religious person) that I'm in the middle of an annulment application - my marriage was NEVER a marriage - and I place the blame squarely on both of us - he was an addict and just was looking for someone (anyone would do) to take care of him and feed his addictions (lots of them) and I was a 30 year old woman, feeling desperate that no one in the world would ever want to marry me - so I said "yes" to his offer.....how sad - absolutely no way to enter into a marriage. But, I've learned my lessons, and I live with the consequences....

Yes, but as a poster wrote above "if I could take the kknowledge I've gained here back with me." I also do not believe 1 mistake defines a person or their life, nor should it.

Overall my WW is the one I want to take the walk of life with, all the way to the end. This is but a large pot hole in the highway of life, there was damage when we hit it, but we are turning out to be pretty good mechanics and will eventually repair the damage. I truly believe we will continue our journey, together, and see it to the end of the road (heaven?).

We have good days and bad, 3 years past d-day, but just about a month sober of a marriage-long sexual addiction to porn and skirt chasing...today I'd say "No", tomorrow might be different. We are having more good days than bad, but the first 11 years or so of our marriage we were very childish with each other, it was miserable...I didn't realize how miserable I was until it got better...

Oh yes!

Even after the 3 years of ****** we've been through, our happy far outweighs our sad!

- Kimmy

No I wouldn't. I would continue to date him forever, exclusively, maybe even live with him, but I would never have married him.

My answer: it depends.

If I could go back, armed with the knowledge of where we went wrong and what we could to do change it, then yes, I'd marry her again. We've really had some good times together, and I'm hoping that the good times not only return, they become the norm.

However, if I was to be sent back with the knowledge that the A would happen again, my answer would be no.

I would.

As it was...nothing changed.

It took what it took and I'm very grateful.

LA

I don't know if I would or not.

My husband is a wonderful person, and I love him dearly and always have, but I don't know if I could or would want to live life with a man that had so much family baggage to carry with him.

He never truly made the separation from his parents and never learned the part of the bible where it says to leave your parents and cleave unto your wife.

His family spent a lifetime trying to "Fix me", unfortunately, I took their need to fix me to heart, and lost my self esteem, and spirit in the process.

I lost way too much of me.

My FIL is now gone, his mother is in a nursing home and her mind has gone, his sister has passed away from cancer and now his only family is his kids, wife and a niece.

I now have the husband that I should have had years ago. I feel like life is beginning again for my husband and I, and I hope the next 25 years will be spent loving and caring for each other.

We both have grown in our understanding of what makes relationships work and what behaviors and actions tear down the institution of marriage.

We do better now, because we know better.


Sincerely,
k.d.'s heartbreak