I've been thinking about this all day! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I've been wondering about the question the other way around - whether wayward exes who ended their marriages for the OP would - after the fog has cleared (five years after their divorce, say) - want to remarry their betrayed spouse.

I wonder how attractive all that history with their original partner looks compared to a lifetime of guilt and suspicion with the OP?

Alph.

I'd marry Squid again, yeah. 15 or so of our 20 married year swere a blast. An adventure I wouldn't change.

Wow, I know where you're coming from there, bud. I know exactly how you feel.

I don't know if I'd marry my husband again but I do know one thing.

No matter what the outcome might of been.....I wish I would of gotten divorced after d-d. I wish that my husband could of seen what his life would of been like "without" me and "with" OW.............

I wish that we could of had a time without any contact at all............lets say for about 1-2 years...........

I'm more than sure that this would of been a complete "eye-opener" for my husband.........without all of the endless conversations that we had to go through for the past years...........

It's been almost 6 years now since d-d and these were the hardest years of my life...............I'm happy and yet I'm exhausted.......

I just wish that my husband could of had the opputurnity to mature and grow up on his own..............it probably wouldn't of taken as long as it did if I would of been out of the picture.

Even though I can honestly say that I am happy with the life we now share, I just "deep down inside" wish that he could of experienced missing me in his life............I wish that he could of experienced the "pain" of me being out of his life................

I'm regaining my strength again but I honestly can say that I'm exhausted................

After reading what I have written, I have to correct my first sentence. I'd marry the man I have "NOW" but I would definately "RUN" from the man I used to have.

bb

Very sadly,no.This is not an indictment on the amazing consistency of my XW but my failure to acknowledge that no matter the commitment of one of the parties ,love does not conquer all

Dang, not this question! The constant ambush of pain that I've dealt with over the last year and a half, the questioning my entire marriage and my own self worth, the loss of innocence, and OHHHH so much more; I don't think that it's worth all of that; EXCEPT, for my ever-on-the-go-eating-machine-darling-son. He's remarkable and fantastic!

I love my H; but I can't say that I loved ALL of our M, or the man he has become, therefore, I'd have to say no. Now, check back in a couple of years, when the pain has receded into the background a bit more, I may change my mind.

NOPE!

i wish he had told me he didn't want to marry me after all even if i had already gotten pg after getting engaged.

i wish he could have just let me return the ring.

i don't regret having DS with him though.

and yes i would take all what i learned now. if i could go back again

I have a DD that I would go through all this pain again for without a moments hesitation if the alternative meant not having her, so I would have to say yes, however, although my friends disagree with me, somewhere back there in my heart I knew I loved him more than he loved me.

So....If DD wasn't in the picture (thank God she is), and I could have her with someone else....I would say No...a head decision rather than a heart one...because I did love him so incredibly much - and still do.

I find this one difficult to answer because I have 3 beautiful children that I love more than anything and wouldn't have if I hadn't married her.

However, if I had married someone else, I would have had a different set of children than what I have now and I'm sure I would love them just as intently.

In light of the sacrifices I made to my career, my dreams, my family, and the countless problems she brought to the marriage my answer is no.

There is no way that knowing what I know now and could go back in time that I would marry her.

I'm with you on the resounding No, no, no way....

I also have the most precious daughters in the world but also the curse of having to share them with the devil and his parents for the rest of my life and i'm young. i could live to 100.

I agree that in my heart of hearts I would have equally wonderful children from a different relationship. Their personalities and huge hearts are b/c of my hard work and sacrifices. My WH has been checked out since 3 mos after wedding day. He thought having kids would bring him back. If that's not the heart of a ****** I don't know what is???

I deserve so much more for me and my kids. They deserve so much more from a father.

Did i say NO???

At this time, I'd have to say no. We've become more cordial recently but that is because we are more distant. I don't really confide in her anymore. It has helped because we aren't argueing as much anymore but part of the reason I got married was to have a partner to confide in. That seems gone now.

I recently joined this site to help me decide if I want to make an effort to save the marriage. I'm not sure. Maybe it is that I question the chance of it being successful. I think she feels the same - if we stay together fine, if we don't - also fine.

notashoped, are you trying to close that distance and solve the problem? Have you read His Needs, Her Needs?

YES ~ ditto that

At this time, no, I'm not trying to close the gap. I am working my way thru the articles and concepts/stratagies.

That is an excellent approach.

Learn what a healthy relationship looks like. Learn what true definition of “love” really is. Learn all you can to become an “expert” in what makes a relationship “tick”. Soak it up like a sponge and then wring it out over the top of your relationship and see what gets absorbed.

Perhaps you will find that you are on the cusp of something important.

Some folks tolerate their existence and some savor it, either way it is a choice.

Now, on to the question,



My life with my wife is a vastly rewarding endeavor. It is that way because both of us work to make it such. We are fortunate have “wrung out the sponge” and to have absorbed all that was beneficial.

I think that answers the question. But to expand just a bit, the person I would NOT marry is the one who had no knowledge or understanding of what this web site is all about.

Mr. G

nope.