My Wife left her cell phone bill on the table recently. I noticed a lot of text messages from one number. Up to ten a day back and forth until 2:30am. This only happened when she was away for busisness. They seem to stop when she arrived home. She always said she was busy or tired and couldn't talk to me. Yet texting all night w/ someone else. On her last trip a guy called her several times. I got suspicious and looked at her phone. I caught her in a lie and she was mad at me for looking. Never showed remourse for lying and being sneaky. Now a year later its texting with an unknown person. She guards her phone pretty good so looking in it will be hard.

I guess I have a few questions. Is there anyway to obtain the actual text messages sent and recieved? I have the number and times but that is it.

How can I discuss this with her without starting a war? She is very defensive. And will turn everything on me for not trusting her and "violating her privacy" by looking at her bill.

Please help I love her but will not be lied to and used.

Defensive = guilty

She is defensive about everything. I can't ask a simple question without her twisting it into a personal attack on her.

If the roles were reversed, do you think your wife would be putting up with such crap? She is defensive because she is guilty. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change.

Time to snoop.

Big time and stealthfully.

In my signature block below, I have a link to a thread on mounting an intelligence gathering operation. Check it out if you want some pointers on how to do some snooping.

Plan A until you find any plausable proof.

She will, deny, deny, deny... she will even deny hard proof at first at least.

But please PLAN A till you find anything.

Frankly, while proof is good, I think in a case like this dependence on proof before acting is over-rated. Just my 2c.

Plan A as in, take care of your self, be caring and nice, make your home the place WS wants to be.

If you find any kind of A is going on... EXPOSURE. and everything you can to end it.

I feel your pain. My husband too was sending texts to another woman most nights. He also called her late night on a business trip and they would even text from home with me asleep. He has no shame. This is his second affair. I say as hard as it is to believe it, it is true. Even if you think you have a perfect relationship, he/she can and will cheat. Do not allow it.