Try to focus on you and your children, and don't expect ANYTHING from him. That will be the healthiest, because these WS's are extremely selfish.

I know it is hard, but you can do it.

I think you are in a very good position because the OW sounds very jealous and controlling. He will get tired of it.

I've spend all day reading Surviving an Affair, Q can I be doing Plan A if he is out of the house still with OW? Spoke to him earlier and he says he will be here tonight to see the kids, then I told him I would cancel my plans. He said no to keep my plans he'd come later, then I told him it would be almost bedtime for the kids, therefore they miss him and seeing him was most important. I'll have dinner going when he gets here, frozen food but makes the house smell great and when I'm done here I'll touch up my makeup

Reading SAA makes me really think about all the ways I don't meet his emotional needs, So I think I'll review the list again and try to start meeting those needs at the times he comes here to see the kids. Parts of Plan B are already into effect, such as very, very few phone calls, waiting for him to start conversation. Q it feels like those things may be working against each other? I guess when he is here in person, I try to meet those needs I can ie admiration and conversation, nothing physical at this time, then see what happend. Well better go for now he'll be here in about and hour. Check in later

So someone tell me? How am I to work Plan A, with him still with OW, there is no exposure left, everyone knows and those who have influence don't want to get involved. So I set a time limit on how long I do Plan A from this point, while encouraging him to see kids and come to OUR home, thereby exposing him to Plan A? Or do I sit back and take care of me and the girls. If I sit back how do I show plan A. Should I make occational phone call, ie about my work something a topic he knows makes me insane? While he was her I got him to talk about his new work, that he thought would be his dream job, WRONG, but then guess you put the I told you so here, but I made sure to empathis with him.

Please send proactive advise this way, Now that I've read the book SAA, I don't know what I'm to be doing

Please pass advise, I feel like I'm drowning here in limbo land. Am I supposed to working Plan A or B? Today I haven't phoned H, but then I try not to call him. I did take pix of each of my girls with cell and send them to him. After having read SAA, I'm more confused about what plan to work, at this time I think its plan A with 180's thrown in, but should I also encourage him to be coming here, ask for help with stuff like fix the toilet?

Today has been my hard day this week, h is to come over at 7 to watch movie with the kids, now its 7;30, he's late, no suprise there, but when I phoned him because I have crying children who want to see daddy, OW answered his phone. I froze, then just asked for h. OMG, they were so close they could have been in bed together, I'm just shaking at this point. He said he's been in bed sick all day and he'll be over soon, how am I going to face him and work plan A?

I know SAA says there is no marriage with A still going on, and right now I'm trying to do Plan A, I'm so confused on what I should be doing to reconcile my M, that I feel like I'm spinning outta control. Called two PI today, to get info on OW, both said they wouldn't do it for ethical reasons, that if something were to happen, that PI would be liable also. Any one else run into that kinda trouble? Guess tomarrow I'll keep going through the phone book.

Called to say to set a counceling appoint here. Hope they call soon and can offer me advise. How could she answer the phone, it has caller ID, she knew it was me calling, Maybe I should just give him the salt shaker when he gets here so they can make sure I hurt as bad as possible!

This stuff is not easy. The best thing you can do is take care of your girls, and provide a warm family life for them. And quit expecting anything from your husband. Pretend that he has been kidnapped by aliens.

Believer, thank you, I am taking care of my girls, as very best I can. There is a lot of frozen food and pizza right now, but I make sure they get all the food groups each day, some snuggle time with mommy and mommy keeps all her promises.

In the morning i have my counceling appt. with Steve Harely. I think I'll feel better, hoping he will give my a plan of action. When I feel proactive, I feel better. I know I have no control over the sit. but at these I can feel like I'm doing something I my favor.

Well here we are going on 7 weeks of ******. Yesterday I did something for myself, all me. I went skydiving and my god was it a BLAST, can't wait to do the again!!!

Had a session with Steve Harley, said to keep doing about what I am. Today (Sunday) I returned his call from the prior day, he wants to take the kids to carnival area downtown thats going on, asked how the plans were going to work, "you pick them up and have them home at what time or did you want to make this family thing." Don't know if I'm suppossed to worm my way into his time, but he was open to the idea that when I finish work I meet up with them. Part of me thinks he wants to meet up because OW works somewhere in the downtown area. Maybe he is going to ditch us when I arrive and meet up with her, don't know but right now I have not self esteem to think he'll be with us.

Someone tell me if I'm doing any of the right stuff. Next Sat. he wants to take the girls to a parade, he already reserved seat in front of his work and it sounds like a family outing. Should I confirm this? Also should I invite him to sleep on the couch since he won't get off work until 4 am, and we need to leave for the parade about 7 am? what do you all think?

Well A plan wasn't working out. Then about 6/15 is get a phycho phone call at 12:30 at nite, "Im sick of your games, tired of your bull ******, don't call me, don't text me, I'll see the kids when Im scheduled to." SO what do I do when I hear this message a few minute later, I call him, he doesn't answer, I leave a mesage that I have not idea what he is talking about and he isn't scheduled to see the kids, you need to let me know when you'll be wanting to see them. Then I sent a text message that said "Dont know what i going on. Haven't contracted you in four days, text me when you want to see the kids."

In the past week and a half I have not called once. Oh everyday I come up with all kinds of reasons I should, then call someone else. Being strong about it, he can't miss me, want me and have life with her fall apart if I'm in there face going what about, what about and what about. Not that any of what he is doing is good. I have had some really!!! hard days, like it was the first week all over again.

Last Night 6/24 at 2:30 am, h start to call. I am out of town by three hour drive with my two wonderfull girls and have had all the calls forwarded to my cell. So the second time he call, with still no answer from me, I start to think "middle of the night, this could be the crash I've been waiting for, he needs me for some reason." I phone him back a few minutes later. H and ow are fighting BIG TIME. "FXXXn' ****** is trying to kill me in the call", she takes the home and a screaming at me that if I want him to come and get him, all said I end up hanging up the phone on OW. Wait 10-15 min and send text that is really needs me to call. He Does at 4 am, I don't know who else to call, can you come and get me, "Fxxxing Bxxxx is crazy, I have to get outta here." Me, i feel like laughing, sorry I can't Im in seattle. Get a bunch of questiong coming like crazy, then more conversation and I never ask what was going on. By the End I felt so proud of myself.

Never did a blackout letter, but went straight to Plan B, and some days I feel much better for it, other days the pain is fresh like week one all over again.