I was encouraged to post this thread on its own by Believer.

I told my attorney that I was worried about STBXWH getting a credit for the overnights with the kids but I knew that he would never see the kids that much b/c of past experience. And I would be stuck (lack of better term) with them 24/7 w/o a break and would have to cancel plans which would pretty much alleviate my social life. So my attorney came up with this and put it into the parenting plan:

Uncovered Daycare Costs Due to Non-exercise of Parenting Time which states: "in the event a parent does not exercise his or her parenting time as set forth herein, and the other parent is caused to incur daycare costs associate with the such circumstances, the parent not exercising the right of parenting time shall reimburse the other parent such daycare costs"

I think it is an excellent idea and I know that it will be a life-saver for me. I would like for other parents to consider putting it into their parenting plan also, if they have not already.

Very good idea!

This is great! Wish my H had it in his parenting plan with his ex. Several years of "every-other-weekends" and holidays that she hasn't exercised -- might be nice to have some daycare help with all that!

Just out of curiosity -- how does this work with right of first refusal? It seems like things could get a little convoluted if that got brought into it, too.

Sucks to be a parent huh?


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Sounds like a good clause and is fair to both parents.

This is the part that always tweaked me.

I considered it an "order" for the noncustodial parent to get the kids...I mean it is an "order" for the custodial parent to hand them over isn't it? Why isn't it an "order" for them to be picked up?

Why does it have to be "visitation if the noncustodial parent so wants"? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

The most furious I have ever been with something posted on this site was the do-less wonder that posted that he couldn't always pick up his kids when it was "ordered" because he lived on the other side of town and "he had a life too ya know".

There isn't an emoticon descriptive enough to show my disgust for a remark like that.

That should be included in all custodial/parenting arrangements.

committed

Based on what my lawyer said, visitation is a "right" not a "responsibility." The NCP never has to see the kids if he doesn't want to, but he can see them whenever he wants, within the EOW and one night a week limitations. He doesn't even have to take care of them when the CP is doing something for another one of the kids, such as driving him or her to college. There are no consequences for not seeing them, except that it would make it easier for the CP to get a judge to approve moving out of state with them, if the NCP rarely allowed visitation. In my state, at least, the NCP has no responsibilities toward the children whatsoever (except for minimal child support), yet retains many rights when it comes to medical or educational decisions. He doesn't even have to pay anything toward annual eye exams recommended by their physician if he doesn't feel like it.

Based on what my lawyer said, visitation is a "right" not a "responsibility."

Then there needs to be some type of divorce legislation that changes that. It isn't a right to "parent" a child...it is a "RESPONSIBILITY".

The word "visitation" needs to be removed from divorce verbiage...and replaced with "parenting time".

Instead of saying "visitation every other Saturday" it should say "you are hereby RESPONSIBLE for the parenting of YOUR children every other Saturday".

It is the same as abandonment to me when they do not pick up their children on the times that they are designated to PARENT them.

committed

I agree. My JPA says:

Father shall provide Mother with at least seven (7) days’ notice of his inability to exercise his parenting time unless his inability is due to unavoidable travel or illness, in which event he shall provide Mother with no less than forty-eight (48) hours’ notice. The parents shall attempt to reschedule make-up time for any missed parenting time as a result of Father’s travel or illness at a mutually convenient time within a reasonable period after the missed visit. In the event that Father fails to exercise his parenting time with the children Father shall be responsible for the payment of any fees for child care and/or transportation incurred by Mother due to the cancellation of his parenting time.

Have you talked with my wH? Does he post here? Because this is his philosophy most days, it seems--or at least between the moments he cries about "missing" them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Just this week I asked if he could watch the baby while I started my cert. classes--just for two days. 8 hours total. He said he'd get back to me. He finally said yes, but added--"glad I could help you out!!!!!"

It's his baby. One I distinctly remembering he wanted to have, one he has less than 14 hours of his entire life--and he is glad to help me out.

Sorry to vent--he just makes me sooo angry.

That is such a great idea. It really bugs me that my ex never exercises his visitation time at all. My child support is reduced because he is supposed to be having ang caring for the children x amount of time, but never does and there is really nothing I can do about it. I cannot just drop the child off and leave.

It is ironic that I want to move out of the area and I am going to have to battle and prove to the court that it is in the child's best interest to move. And I am being told I am removing the father from the child's life - how does that feel? Currently he is not even in the child's life 5% over the course of the month and that has been pretty standard for the past 3 years - so why should I feel that I am taking the child away from the father he has never chosen to be involved. But now that I want to move I have to jump through hoops for a person who has chosen not to be involved/

Sorry as you can see I am a little upset about this point. I am just so tired and I want to move on with my life and feel like I am always stuck doing what he wants.

Glad I read this, I and/or when we head to D court, I'll be asking my attorney to word things much differently, save the heartache on me and the kids now. At this time I don't want h having overnights, not that he can "staying" with OW, for some reason he sees that different than living there but whatever. Still trying to work this M out, but you'll have given me a lot to think about

Thanks for all of you responses!

Trust me; I understand all of the frustrations dealing with co parenting with a WS who wants nothing to do with their kids only when it is convenient for them. My very STBXWH puts on the act like he is such the father of the year when in fact he has only seen the kids 4 times in the last 6 months and has not even call the kids once in the past year since we have been separated.

AmiWalsh, I do not know how it would work with the right if first refusal b/c we do not have that in our PP.

Nelli2, I agree with committedandlovi, those laws in your state need to be changed. Parenting time is a responsibility. On top of paying 55% of his net income for CS, he has to carry insurance for the kids; he also has to pay 80% of the cost of uncovered medical, dental, vision, or psychiatric/psychological expenses relating to the children.

And also another stipulation in our PP that is included is: the parents shall be jointly responsible for arranging and transporting the children to and from all medical appointments.

Like Believer has said on my other thread, I believe this will help my very STBXWH to make his kids a priority in his life. That he just can’t come and go when it is just convenient for him and if he does, it will cost him.

Rufftimes, I’m glad you have time to think this stuff through and come up with a plan that you will feel more empowered with. Let me know if I can be of more help.

Pepsi

Pepsi,

I'm so glad you have stuck to your guns.

We all know that reality is the best cure for WS behavior..injections of reality may not have saved your marriage..but perhaps they can still salvage his relationship with his children.

If not..at least you know that you have done everything within your control to help facilitate a healthy and progressive parent/child relationship.

Thanks Noodle!

Here in Indiana they changed it from "Visitation Guidelines" to "Parenting Time Guidelines" to get acress the message that the noncustodial parent is a parent to the child not a friend to hang out with.

Quote: "He doesn't even have to pay anything toward annual eye exams recommended by their physician if he doesn't feel like it."

Here's a clause to take care of the question as to whether or not something is a medical expense:

"Medical expenses include, but are not limited to, the cost of hospitalization, emergency room and/or lab fees, fees for physicians, psychiatrists, psychologists, and allied health-care providers, prescription drugs, prosthetic devices and prescribed health-aids, optometric and opthamological services, as well as dental services including orthodontia, and addiction counseling and services."

bump