I need to vent. I have tried so hard to make all of this work. I left my alcoholic family and he seemed willing to leave his alcoholic/pot/coke addicted OW back in Feb. to move to his alcoholic family out East. I didn't know his mom had a drinking problem. I knew his Dad was on the wagon though doesn't go to meetings. His sister also has addiction problems, it is awful, she physically attacked me in front of all the kids.
Now his family is turning this little town against me. Telling everyone I am crazy/Bipolar. He moved out and is living at his moms. They are so hostile the pychological/emotional abuse is huge to me. I actually went and stayed in a transition house for the long weekend with my kids and plan to go back there once they get out of school.
I am a very honest, open, loving, forgiving but neurotic person from living with his addictions for 12 years. I take fulll responsibility for my own irritation, anger, unreasonableness and I'm working on my baggage but all these addictions are just crushing my soul. I have that plan to get out with my kids but of course he wants the kids. Except after a week his mom is drinking huge and they don't want them anymore. They are old they don't want to raise my kids and I don't have any desire for them to do so. They raised three alcoholic/drug addicts that can't make it through a day without some consumtion.
I have to go Plan B for my own health but I am taking the kids Plan B with me too. They are afraid of their Dad. He is an angry alcholic/drug addict. Has anyone done Plan B with the kids too?
He hurt our son but the cops/social worker said it was an accident and they can't press charges because it was the first time. My counselor and sponsor told me to use this situation to force him to get help. He would not go to AA but he did make an angry management counseling appt. I know the lady and when I heard what he had taken away from the appt. I was furious at her.
She told him he has a right to be angry because I am using/manipulating him using the kids. It tore my guts out to follow the advice of my couselor and sponsor concerning the "accident" but it seemed like the right thing to do. Now is has backfired because of what the couselor said. She said he didn't need any more counseling! She said he could get MY FILE to use against me in court! I was warned about these mental health counselors and honestly I would not change a word of my story. The only thing I worry about is what they write about me. I am proud of myself and that I am in recovery for my problems.
He will now tell everyone this though and he says that his family doesn't mind to talk to me but they don't want to listen to me! I just don't understand how you can express your hurt/emotions/feelings if nobody wants to listen to you. To me that means they won't want to listen to my kids either!
When people are raised by alcoholics they don't get the care and attention they need to value themselves and they turn to drugs and alcohol themselves. I want to break the cycle for my kids but I have zero support from all the active addicts around me. I can't have them in my life at all. If they are not with me they are against me!
So now I am in ******.
Trying to protect myself and my kids with everyone turning against me.
I do love my husband but he is not allowing me to heal, he is not trying to build trust, he continues to phone the OW even though she is a coke addict and already has a new boyfriend. We all do love him still and pray hard that God opens his eyes to what the real problem is. It is not me but his addictions and his parents addictions. With that stupid counselor telling him it is my fault though I have no idea now if even what I am trying to do is right/good/smart.
Anyone have any advice?
I've asked some marriage counselors but they say they are not able to advise due to addictions. He does not see addictions as the problem but me so we go round and round. He says he loves me but he is unwilling to do any work to change his nature and be a better role model for the kids.
He says he will talk to me if I let the kids stay over at his moms! He is holding their passports hostage. I said what is different from before? I let them stay at your moms and you hurt our son. You also never talked to be then about the issues so why would you talk to me now?
All they want me to do is work to make money and I can't even do that. My head is so messed up from the affair, move, hostility of his parents, no healing happening etc. etc. I can't concentrate and I have no reliable childcare. I feel doomed to a life of poverty and endless work. I feel super depressed and don't know what to do except leave town and tell no one where I am going. Try to go absolutely dark with the kids and hope the pain and suffering for him will be enough to encourage him to change, end the affair, get clean and sober.
The only problem is my pain and suffering is so huge I fear it will negatively impact the kids. Sometimes I feel strong but at times like this I feel totally incapable of being the role model these kids need. I am almost 60 days clean and sober though and I do have the help and support from the fellowship. They think I am doing the right thing but morally I feel devastated to use the kids like this. I just don't know what else to do. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
