This is my firt time posting, but I have been reading here for a long time, and finally decided to post my story. My WH has been having an A for 1 year now, and we have been married for 7. no kids.

I have had about 3 D-days nows. And every time I find out, he has promised to end it with the OW. And i believed he did every time. I really had not exposed the A until last week. I finally realized that if i didnt, things would never change, and that there would never be a right time to do it. I called his parents, her parents (OW is single), and friends i think could help. And since then he has moved out and in with the OW, and is very angry with me and anyone who tells him what he doesnt want to hear. His parents are very supportive of me, and are trying their best to bring my WH back to his senses.

He has not returned any of my calls in a week now, but yesterday we finally talked. He said he loves the OW, and the OW loves him, and that he couldnt go on living 2 lives anymore. He also said that my recent exposure has caused alot of problems in his relationship with OW. And he didnt know if their relatioship would make it b/c of all the lies he has told her, and how the OW doesnt want to be the OW. He said he really truly loves her, and that he was going to file for a D. He said he wanted to cut off all communications with me. he said he needed to heal and so did I, and this was the only way it was going to happen. And then he left. The entire time he was here, I could feel his anger, and how it was consuming him.

i have done plan a the best i could, however it took me awhile to expose it, but i finally did. I dont know what to do next. plan b?

masosa, I am very sorry you are here. As you can see, your exposure has created great conflict in his affair. It will now start crumbling as the light of reality shines in.

If he just moved out, I would prepare for Plan B pretty soon. He will start missing you and his home pretty soon here and that is a good time to go into Plan B. Let things settle down for a week or so and make any communications as pleasant as possible.

Do you fully understand Plan B? Do you have the book Surviving an Affair?

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...page=0&vc=1

some Plan B ideas including some sample letters

don't skip steps

Make plan B work for you

Pep

and as far as the Plan B letter goes

in your case

I'd write the MOST erotic loving Plan B letter ever conceived.... go over the top

and be SURE that OW gets her OWN copy

then

after letters sent off

PITCH BLACK

they will be fighting

Pep

Hi guys,

I have read SAA. i do understand plan b. i just was not sure of the timing as to when i should implement it. He is still so angry at me for exposing. He doesnt want to talk to me at all, and I am trying to be pleasant when I call him ....which isnt all that much, maybe once every day or two. I just leave a message to say hello.

do you have pets?
does he get his mail delivered at your home?
who is paying the household bills?

Pep

Yes, we have 2 dogs, mail still comes here, and I pay all the bills (always have).

I did ask him to help me take care of the dogs when he came over and had the talk. But, he said he had to end all ties with me, and taking care of the dogs would not be a good idea. It kind of made me angry since they were his pets prior to us getting married. He really has turned into an alien.

GREAT

the doggies are the child-substitutes during your Plan B (future)

BE sure to get an attorney so AWH (alien wandering husband) will start paying for some of the household costs ... if not right away, eventually

does someone have a life insurance policy?

does your AWH get his health insurance from your job?

Pep

we both have our own life policies and health insurance from our respective jobs.


the bills are paid from a joint account at the moment. He hasnt gone crazy and spent any money yet.

Well, I went out today with a friend, and left my cell phone at home. I came back and to my surprise, I had missed calls from WH. I called him back and we talked for a few minutes about random stuff. He didnt really talk, so I had to do ALL of the talking, and was only able to carry the conversation for a few minutes. It was nerve wrecking, but went okay.

hey masosa - tell me about your exposure - how it went down and the aftermath, i just exposed to WW family and she is furious...or at least she was this morning - now she is all quiet and cordially considerate.
good luck...

completelylost,

I initially found out about the A 1 year ago from a cell phone bill. And when I confronted him, he apparently resorted to other means of communication. Every now and then they would mess up, and her number would show up on the cell phone records. And then when I would confront him, he would come with some excuse. This happened again and again. Finally, last week I knew I had to expose it.

I first called his parents, and his mom and dad were shocked, angry, and upset . They called him immediately. He told them he didnt love me, and that I didn't get that. They tried to reason with him, but he hung up on them. He then called me immediately, but I was on the other line telling OW's parents about the infidelity. They thought WH was getting a divorce, and even when I told them the facts, they didnt seem to care. And then I called some friends of ours, and all of our married friends were very supportive, and the single ones didnt care. The entire time, my WH is beeping on the other line. I finally answered when I was done calling everyone I knew could help, and he was angry. He yelled and yelled, and cursed, and said it was over, and that he didnt care if anyone knew of the A. That evening he came to the house, got his stuff and left. I tried calling him over the past week, but he wouldnt pick up. Finally, yesterday he came over, and we talked. He said it was over. So that is how it went down....

i am sorry - it is all so ugly isn't it? i have told all of our friends and now all of my family and her family...everyone thinks she is crazy, stupid and horrible...but she keeps on doing it and doesn't seem to care and does it right in my face. i have asked her to leave many times and she doesn't. and for all of her fury yesterday....today she has been cordial...and still making no moves to leave. it is crazy stuff.

i wish you the best of luck on this excruciating journey....we will come out of it ok...smarter and stronger.

keep posting - and stay strong...
all the best
CL

Yhea, it is ugly. Thank you for your kind words.

Your right, we will be okay. Good luck to you as well.

This really sucks. Yesterday WH called a few times and the conversation was light and stress free. Today I thought I would call him to say good morning, but he didnt pick up, so I left a message instead.

I think WH and OW had a fight over the weekend b/c apparently he was staying with a friend on sunday, but last night went back to her place. I guess it is the whole make up to break up thing. This OW knows exactly how to lure him back by cutting him off for a few days knowing he would come back. Just getting really frustrated.

Sounds like trouble in paradise. They are self destructing now, so just stand back for a little bit and don't get in the way of their free fall. Get your Plan B letter ready. This is going well. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Melody. Should I just plan A it for a little longer? I am not going to call him anymore, and if he calls me I will be nice. But I will start writing that letter.

Thats a good idea, masosa. Just be as pleasant as possible so you will be an attractive alternative as things crumble. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

mamosa - before doing anything else towards Plan B, you would be wise to consult an attorney to make sure you are financially protected and to settle property access.

For example, what were your living arrangements before he moved out? Rent or own your home? Whose name is on the lease/deed?

If you don't legally establish who's paying the rent/mortgage and who is allowed access to the home - he can come and go as he pleases and your Plan B goes out the window.

Also, you mentioned having a joint bank account. He could drain that in a heartbeat without your knowledge. Right now, today, you would be smart to withdraw half of the assets and open a new account in your name only. Same logic for credit cards. Cancel joint cards.

Who owns automobiles?

Taking steps to divide stuff can bring a dose of reality to WSs BEFORE Plan B.

Thanks for the advice. Seeking legal consult is something i know i shouldnt put off anymore.

My WH did call today. And I was nice, but I was a nervous wreck talking to him. It is so hard to conversate when you are the only one talking. And I am constantly worrying about saying the wrong thing. I just dont know what to talk about with him anymore. It used come so easy. I feel i am walking on eggshells.