Well, I havent heard from my WH for 3 days now. It is like he pulled a plan B on me. My inlaws tried contacting him, but he wont pick up. They have been so supportive of me, it is actually quite unbelievable. WH used to be very close to his family, and his sister's baby is due any day now, but she has decided to not to call him either when the baby arrives. I havent tried contacting him either, as I know he will probably not pick up.

I am sad today, probably because it is the weekend. However, I did open up my own bank account yesterday, and moved some money out of the joint accout, since I dont know what is going to happen. I hate days like this.

I know I will probably have to go into plan B, but should I go into it now even when I havent seen or heard from him in days?

Yes, you can still send it to him even though you haven't heard from him. In a few days, he will probably start missing you and his home. And keep in mind the real goal here, mamosa, is to REMOVE YOURSELF from their crazy triangle. It's not to manipulate or scare him.

Are you prepared to go into Plan B? Have you read up on it? It can be very hard the first 2 weeks. And very often, the WS will become enraged and will attempt to contact the BS in order to take back control. Are you prepared to go dark and stay dark?

It is a big mistake to allow the WS to contact you in Plan B because it

a)drags you back into their mess,

b) enables their affair by giving them a fix and

c) ruins your credibility when you continually allow them to break contact.

I would also suggest that you change the locks when you go into Plan B so he doesn't come walking in when the spirit moves him.

I just got back from an evening with some friends. I have received so much support from everywhere (including here) that I am grateful for. WH brother called me and told me what a jerk his older brother is, and that he needs to end his A. MIL also called awhile ago, and said she is so disappointed in her son, and apologized for his behaviour and all the pain he has caused me and my family. She said she cant wait to get her hands on the OW <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> She also told me she is telling everyone about her sons A with the OW.

Even if things dont work out between WH and I, I do hope people do not forget about their A.

I told everyone I knew what my wife did, they all supported me. It really made my wife mad that I was sharing our life with others and all the bad things she did. Similar to what you husband is feeling I imagine.

People will not forget, they may not say anything after a while, but it will always be in their mind.

Well, I actually called WH one last time before I sent my plan B letter. He actually picked up and sounded gloomy, and again not talkative. I sent him the letter via email this afternoon since I dont know where he is living. This is going to be hard....but, today is day 1 of plan b.

Good job. Now get ready for nothing to happen. That is the hard part of Plan B. Sometimes the WS attempts a lot of contact for a week or two, and sometimes they don't. The hardest part of Plan B for me was weeks and weeks of nothing happening.

But I got strong during that time, and when WH wanted to move back in 4 months later (still having contact with OW), I was able to stick with my boundaries.

Thanks believer for telling me what to expect. At least I get a chance to work on my patience (something I am not good at...yikes). I have called all my friends and family to talk me out of it if I get the urge to call or pick up the phone. The locks are changed to. If needs something, he knows who to contact, as well. Since we dont have kids, and I am taking care of the bills for now, there really isnt any reason for him to call.

One of my good friends called me while ago, and really ruined my confidence. She said I was in denial that my marriage was over, and that I need to move on. Now I am wandering if I am, and I feel horribe, and worse than I ever did before. I feel like my head is going to fall off.

Don't let it bother you, mamosa. Most marriages DO NOT break up over adultery. You are doing the right thing. While it might not work out, you can say that you gave it your best shot.

Anyone who has not gone through this has no idea of what it is like. I'm sure that, before D-day, you would have given anyone else the same advice.

mamosa, did you get your Plan B letter from this forum? What did you tell him in it?

Thanks, I feel better. Guess I just needed to hear it. I did get the inspiration for my plan B letter from the various letters I found on this website, and personlized it for me. I told him that I could not continue contact with him until he ended all contact with the other woman. I also told who he can contact if he needs something.

I am on day 4 of plan b. First few days were fine, but now I feel like calling him. No attempts of contact from him either. His sister had her baby yesterday, and want me to come visit for the weekend. WH is not going to be there, confirmed that with MIL and SIL, so I guess I will go. This plan B is getting difficult, and I hardly got started on it, and I already want to cave....

Don't do it, don't cave... go see the new baby, let some more time pass. You are stronger than you think and you can do it. Just believe. There were so many times I caved, or LB, or whatever, Just didn't stay strong. You can do it, just suck it up, hold your breath, think of something that would be horrific to happen, anything to numb this pain, and don't cave!!! I could've saved a lot of grief If I had known how to do plan B and if I had support during that time of my "crisis". I know it feels like forever, but it does get so much better.

Annie T
BS (me) M 24Y, T 30 yr; 2C; DDay 1.3.03
recovering day by day & enjoying each other once again

Annie, your post could not have come at a better time. To my surprise, WH just called a minute ago, and I didnt pick it up. Thank you.

Well, today is one of those hard days. I am still in plan B, and havent caved yet. I spoke with MIL today, and she spoke with WH. And apparently he has become even more cold, and heartless. He told MIL that he was angry with me for us ever getting married. She said they talked for over an hour, and she said it was like talking to a wall. He told her that I had succeeded in ruining his life by exposing his affair and making him look like the bad guy, and that I was trying to ruin his reputation. And then in the same breath, said he nor OW cared what anyone thought b/c they truley loved one another. He said that it was everyone looking in, and that no one would ever understand. My MIL kept asking him why he was so angry at them and at me, and he said it was because of me. He said he hates me, and is tired of everyone telling him what he should and shouldnt do. My MIL closed by telling him "for someone who is so happy, you sure are miserable." And then he hung up on her.

I didnt think I could feel worse, but I was wrong. After knowing this man for years, I cant believe he has completely lost his love for me, and said he hates me. It is sad b/c I still care about him.

Hang in there. Plan B is extremely difficult for the first few weeks. Once you get the hang of it, and start developing a life of your own, it will get easier.

That was the WS talking out of his [censored] again. While it hurts to hear it, remember the source and realize that's not your H speaking. ok?

Pray for a clear mind calm heart and lots of patience. Expect the WS to babble some more. U may even find humor when you see the WS twitch and babble while u remain calm and collected.

Remember his accusations are baseless. WS' have to blame the BS and family. After all, they can't be a WS unless they can blame someone else.

Don't make yourself an easy target. Btw, others will recognize the babble also. So not everyone will believe the fool.

L.

I am on day 11 of plan B.

Thanks for all the above advice. My WH called last night around midnight, and left a long drawn out message on the machine, telling me he hates me, and that I was the reason he was so angry all the time, and I had forced him to get married. He said that he is going to live his life for him, and no one else, and that this was his choice to be with the OW, and not to get my hopes up that he will be back.

It took everything I had to not pick up when I saw his name on the caller ID. After I heard that message, I am so glad I didnt. I hope all his words are babble, but even if it is, words still hurt, and are awfully hard to forget.