I figured out that if I somehow were able to earn an extra 20K a year, I would never see about 2/3 to 3/4 of it, due to increased taxes and decreased college financial aid, since it would make my 2 kids currently in college ineligible for Pell Grants, etc. In addition, if their father were to then go back to court to reduce the child support, I might end up not seeing any of the increase. How on earth is it possible for anyone with kids to ever improve their financial situation? Eventually they will all be through with college, in 2018, but by then I will be almost 65. My kids are both putting in a lot of hours working, and my 13 year old would be if anyone would hire someone her age, but I am worse off than I was when I was working part-time, in school, and getting free health insurance and free lunch for the kids.One of the kids is going to an inexpensive college; the other has a large academic scholarship as well as the need-based aid. I have two master's degrees, but I would need a job paying six figures to get ahead, and that isn't likely to happen. The median household income in my town is $120,000, but I have no hope of ever coming close to that when I am the only adult - I probably will never even see half of that.

How does anyone afford to have children unless they are Bill Gates? The "average" family of four, with two wage earners, can not afford to buy a house in my area. There are jobs available, but only about minimum wage - two people earning minimum wage couldn't afford to rent more than a studio apartment.

I suspect that that is why most people remarry - because it is impossible to live on one income.

Nellie, I wish I had an easy answer for you, but I don't. I also chose a financially unlucrative degree in college but changed career goals in my early 30's to make more money. Even though my degree [English] has nothing to do with my career, [sales] I can and have lived - comfortably - on my own income while supporting children. I have one sister, whose degree is history, who retired as the Area Vice President for a major soft drink company making well over $200k a year.

Have you looked into changing your career to a more lucrative one with some minor training?

Well, Nellie, I hope it is not impossible to live on one income--I'm entering into that territory myself. One thing that might help is relocating--even a little.

Where I am in TX, cost of living isn' too bad--average rent for a nice house is 1,000/month. At the moment I cannot afford that. But I am making a plan to get there by next year.

I have young kids--toddlers and babies, so that puts me in a different place. My biggest challenge is childcare--800/month just for the two little ones. i have no family here to help with that area, so I a have been working on a bartering system. It's stll gonna run me probably 600/month, but that's better than $800.

My degree was in English as well (like ML's) and right now I am in non-profit managing. Been here 6 years, but there is no room for advancement in charity work in central Texas. So, for this next year starting in August, I will work two jobs--my current one and hopefully land a HS English teaching position.

I have sat down and done some major planning, and hopefully this plan will work for me. We will still be living tightly at first, but as I was told recently, take baby steps. Once all three are in school, I will again get a chance to restructure our family plan.

But I will tell you one thing--I'll never remarry just to make it. I have already told myself I won't do so until I CAN comfortably support myself.

Oh--and a little more about relocating a "little." I have found a small rural town nearby where the cost of living is drastically lower than in my town. Commuting is also an option.

Good points on relocating, intexas. The cost of living is very low in Texas. My mortgage on a 2000 sq ft brick home is less than what the average rent is for much less house.

Nellie2:

With all due respect......"hog wash".....go to amazon.com and buy Dave Ramsey's book entitled financial peace university. Read it cover to cover, and then come back and talk to me.

Lem

Unfortunately, it seems that most of the highly paid jobs involve sales, which I would be terrible at. I used to be in the computer software field, but my skills became quickly outdated while I was a SAHM for a few years, and that is definitely a young person's field, not to mention a terribly insecure one. Almost everyone I know in the field has been laid off at least once, some never to find another job paying anywhere near as much. I decided to go into a field where the jobs are fairly secure, were ageism is rare, and which I both enjoy and can do quite well, but unfortunately the pay is not very good. If I put a lot of effort into it, and spend even less time with my kids, I may someday be able to increase my salary by 50%, but until the kids finish college in 12 years, that won't do me much good. I keep thinking that in retrospect, I should would have been better off to have skipped grad school, moved to a more rural area and taken a job at Walmart.

Before I moved to where I live now, I looked into relocating within the state, but the more rural areas, though a little cheaper, don't have many professional jobs. I am hesitant to consider moving now, as the housing market here is pretty bad, the neighborhood is safe and my neighbors treat my kids almost like grandchildren.

Fortunately my kids are old enough that I don't have to worry about childcare, since the older ones take care of the younger ones. I am not worried about retirement because I don't expect to ever be able to retire, but I am very worried about making it through the next 12 years.

Nellie, what about Human Resources? Have you checked into that field? I think a Human Resource Generalist is into 6 figures and I know people who have made that transistion fairly effortlessly.

p.s. what are your degrees IN? Have you hooked up with any headhunters that specialize in your field?

Nellie2:

I am now quite sure you have a very warped sense of things in this world. I didn't quite understand your post above.....but after reading this gem by you ----->

"As someone who has been a single mother for seven years now, I can say that, no matter how disrespectful your husband is, it is far better than being a single mother. Unless you or the baby are suffering physical abuse, which you did not indicate, being a single mother will be worse. "

I defintely get where you are "coming" from now.

Never mind

Lem

MelodyLane,

I just checked the Bureau of Labor Statistics site, and it did say that Human Resources and Compensation/Benefits Managers can earn in excess of 100K. I imagine it takes some experience to get there however. I probably would like that sort of position a lot better than a sales-related one. Thanks for the suggestion. My degrees are in the sciences and in library science. In the short run, say for the next 5-8 years, I don't see any practical way to increase my income fast enough to more than make up for the resulting loss in college financial aid. Plus, I want and need to be available for my kids, the youngest of whom is only 10. Once the youngest goes to college, then I could work an 80 hour week if necessary (though I will be over 60 by then).

Lemonman,

I am not sure why being unable to comfortably support 4-6 kids, not to mention send them to college, as a single parent is "warped" but oh, well.

Nellie, one of the reasons I suggested HR is because I don't think it requires much experience. In my current and former company, they hired for these positions fresh out of college. I am wondering if this isn't something you could take some specialized courses in and layer over your masters? There seem to be so many exciting possibilities here.

Then take your resume to a good resume builder to make the best presentation. With your two masters, there has to be some way you can channel this into a lucrative career.

I would find the top headhunter in your chosen field and get to know him. Ask him about the field and get pointers on your resume. Managment Recruiters [MRI] has specialized recruiters and they are very knowledgeable in their given fields. We have used them for years.

Well, start with an attitude lift and less negativity.

You missed the point AGAIN..Nellie. Ofcourse I can understand what financial struggles a single parent may have supporting 6 children, but the "woe is me" attitude about it is very disheartnening. I gave you advice regarding a book you could buy which may help you start.

Your stance that having a WH "at all costs" short of him being physically abusive (over being a single mother) is probably extremely offensive to the many women who are out there daily raising children on their own.

Not much else to say. I think your attitude needs a much bigger adjustement than a call to any job recruiter can do for you right now. Just my .02.

Take it or leave it.

Lem

I appreciate the fact that MelodyLane is offering practical suggestions.

It is NOT helpful to tell someone to have an "attitude adjustment." According to the reviews, Ramsey's books, while possibly interesting, don't contain anything really new. (Besides, I almost never buy a book that I can check out of the library).

I have an excellent handle on where my money goes. I have spent quite a bit of time playing with various scenarios in Quicken and TurboTax. I am way beyond the stage of skipping one's morning latte or putting one's change into a jar every night.

After my H left, I went back to grad school while working and raising six kids - in retrospect I am not sure I should have spent the money or the time, but it certainly required a great deal of initiative, commitment, and sacrifice, and I resent the implication that I have somehow not put sufficient effort into improving the financial aspects of my life.

There is no reason for any single mother to be offended by my statement in a previous post - some will disagree with my opinion, but so what?

Nellie, nothing - in my opinion - short of some serious therapy is going to help you. And, God knows, all the visits to a therapist won't do you any good if you don't work on yourself between visits. I've been saying that to you for years. And I'm not the only one.

While income is not directly tied to attitude. Attitude can definitely affect income. Look in the mirror. That's where you can start.

But I guess it's too easy for you to blow statements to that effect off. (Is it narcissism or what? I'm not sure. Did you know you are not the only one with not enough money?)

If you indeed were way 'BEYOND" the latte's and saving strategies as you intimate above, then you wouldn't have made the statements that started this thread regarding tripling your income....doesn't add up at all. No way. no how.

I will leave you to the practical advice here. I clearly won't be of any help to you.

Goodluck

Lemon

Cinderella,

Please refrain from your personal attacks. If you have nothing constructive to say, I would prefer that you do not post to me. It is hardly narcissistic to post seeking ideas for increasing my income. Did you know that I am also not the only one who had a WS? Does that mean I shouldn't post about that either?

I may not earn enough because of the career I am in, but I have received a great deal of positive feedback from my co-workers, supervisors, and most importantly the users/public with whom I have worked. As someone recently told me, she comes to me to ask stupid questions because I don't act like they are stupid. Based on the number of real life people who have come to me for advice, and the reviews and comments (not to mention chocolate, flowers, and on one occasion, pizza) that I have received over the years, the people I work with and serve approve of my "attitude."

Hi Nellie-
Good question, here are my thoughts.
(1) my parents told me early on that there wasn't enough money to pay for my college, so I took out loans and worked as a tutor, then instructor at the college. I got a degree in math and a masters in engineering. Parents did not pay for any of it. I feel no bad thoughts towards the 'rents. They did all they could. So....don't worry about paying or helping the grown kids with college tuition. They'll get over it.

(2) Money doesn't buy happiness. Recent article in Self magazine in May indicated that material goods do not have a long term impact on happiness. Only things that did: experiences and friendships. Focus on those, not on the new plasma screen tv.


(3) You are wise in calculating the impact your higher income will have on your overall finances. Sometimes, the best thing to do is nothing.

(4) I agree with others that relocating to a small place might be a good way to stretch the income. The exH can't adjust payments when the finances stay the same. Essentially, your commute is earning you extra income.

(5) Extra income will come with extra problems. Lem can tell you about his tax bracket, and you'll see it gets exponentially harder to "take home" the money you earn, when you are earning more of it.

(6) Focus on little things to feel better about your situation. Focus on small accomplishments, not an entire life and career makeover. Get out and train to run in a 5-K race, and I'll bet that will feel better than a 10K boost in income.

I'm great at giving out advice, but terrible at taking it, so feel free to disregard!

Nellie,

I guess I am having a bit of trouble understanding why you, as a single mother, think it is your responsibility to pay for you 6 kid’s college educations? I don’t think that many two-income middle-class families could manage such a feat of accounting acumen.

I am a kid of divorce, raised by my Mom with no financial help at all from my father. I knew, from an early age, that college was the only way that I could get a decent job and provide for myself. I also knew there was no way my Mom could afford to send us kids to college. I saved for college my entire childhood. I worked since the age of 14. I studied hard and even won a couple of very good scholarships to very fine Universities. The problem was that even though the scholarships were substantial (to me anyway), I couldn’t afford to make up the difference and I was/am very debt adverse (poverty sometimes makes one that way). But there were other options. I attended the local University whilst I lived at home. I worked full-time while a student. With scholarships, grants, and my income I was able to graduate debt-free. I next went to Graduate School, got a teaching assistantship, and again graduated debt-free.

Was any of this easy, no. I missed a lot of the college experience by living at home as an undergrad. and working so many hours. But you know what, I was not a child of wealth and privilege and I knew that to be successful and sef-sufficient I would have to work for everything that I would acquired in life. Am I complaining? Not at all. . I am better for it . . . I have pride that I did it myself and I wasn’t attending college on Daddy’s (or Mommy’s) dime.

Nellie, your library sciences degree qualifies you to be a media specialist at a school system and they rake in around fifty grand with a masters.