The MBW is the end of the trail for me.

Nope...I don't believe that for one minute.

In two weeks, after the MBW, you will be saying..

"well, I've noticed a change in the alignment of Orion and Pegasus,

and I'm thinking that maybe if I lean over the banister...

while the moon is shining on a copper penny in the grass,

and there is a chance that the Ice age is defined as

H3LL FREEZING OVER..I will end this torment and torture.

Until that happens...I ain't buying it.

JMHO
committed

ROTFLMAO which is very inappropriate given the seriousness of this situation.

"How can a person choose to be married to another person and see no benefit in meeting their needs? "

because someone lets them.

and that someone would be you Cherished.

All the issues here are yours...and they need addressing as yours. Go to IC

You can't fix him

You can only change yourself.

I do wish you well, not only for yourself, but obviously for your childrens sakes.

When you are committed to change.

gimme a hoy and I will be willing to listen.

Max.

Post deleted by Cherished

ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzoooooooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmm

telling me you have been to IC 110 times, tells me quite a bit about you Cherished even though I dare say that number is exagerated, well I hope it is.


Make a commitment to change.

It only has to be a small one to get my attention. You know that saying...one small step!
ONE GIANT LEAP

If there was one small change you could make right now, what would that change be? That question is directed at you, not your marriage, not your husband.


Max

I guess I'm still stuck on the thought of the kids. They shouldn't be subjected to this. It breaks my heart.

Cherished, you and I will probably never get the answer to the question of our CH don't want to be in a relationship with us. We are like bad habits. We're there. We take the abuse. We accept the crumbs that are dropped on us.

This morning, I had breakfast with my mom and auntie before we did our Memorial Day duties. Both are in their 80's. My dad was a controlling, sometimes mean man. Nobody is visiting his grave today. Auntie's husband was an alcoholic. By necessity, she was one of the rare 50's moms that held a full time job. Their sister married another prize. He refused to leave his only son their family ranch. Now, the son is just an employee.

Conversation came around to my sister. She recently broke her arm on the job. Auntie was angry that my sister had hired a cleaner because her husband wouldn't pick up the slack. My BIL is an [censored] of the highest degree. He makes me angry too. At this point, Mom made one of her slightly snide, sideways comments that the women in our family don't choose good husbands.

I flared. "Not any more!" I said. "This is the end of that. Your granddaughters are going to choose men who will love, honor and cherish them the way they deserve. They will ask for more than enough. They will not accept crumbs." I know I'm not taking any more shabby treatment.

I hope to help my children see what a good relationship is. I want them to give them the tools to have a spouse that is a partner and does more than drop crumbs. It's become increasingly clear that I will have to leave my marriage to do that.

Cherished, what will you teach your children?

i have been wondering that for years. its a very good question and i am new here so dont know the history, but there are some days i take crumbs and the other days i just dont worry about it. the question is how do you change yourself and stay in the marriage. i havent figured that one out yet either. you cant force a person to care about you and sometimes they just plain dont have the skills to do it-so my best friend says "you either accept him how he is or move on"

Cherished - the only thing that MIGHT change your husband's mind is to see you clearly and definitely moving on without him.

As in, going out and getting a good paying job (which you could do given your education), putting the kids in day care, going to work each day, and opening your own bank account with your own money.

Moving out would be better, but you could do the above without moving first.

Have you thought about doing this?

Again - you will read here again and again and again that virtually no WS has a change of heart unless and until they see and feel the BS moving on without them.

You've tried everything else. Why not try this?
Mulan

Post deleted by Cherished

Cherished, I hope the next thing we hear from you is that you are working at a good solid full-time job and have your own bank account to which your husband does NOT have access.

That's the first step. You can see what happens from that and go from there.

FWIW, I *do* have a full-time job and my own bank account to which he does not have access. I also have my own cell phone that I pay for and to which he does not have the number. None of this has gone unnoticed.

Granted, I don't have young kids like you do, but the kids will in no way stop you from doing these things.
Mulan