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Hello everyone...I haven't been around but my "H" threatened divorce again after all these years of nothing....talked to an old MB friend and she laughed about that one...wanted to let everyone know that I'm still lurking...you've all helped me get through a very difficult time...I stopped posting due to illness and time...but now that the illness is gone, it's just time...and maybe embarassment! However, I do believe that I've come along way although many people think that, because I don't have someone else, I haven't moved on...that I'm still holding on...
My H said I'd never find someone like him...
Hmmm....
I hope all of you, Ark, Lor, Orchid and all my other "helpers" are well!
Married 15 yrs, together 21, 6 yr old D, Found about H's A March'01. EA/PA had been for hree or four years but is now over..H is now with someone else but no one knows about it yet. H moved out 10/01. H no longer wears wedding band. No legal action has been taken yet.
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My H said I'd never find someone like him...
Well...I will certainly pray that you never do.
Comments like that would prompt me to reply with "Thank God for that".
committed
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Hi Committed...another old MB friend said the same thing..
Sometimes I feel like I'm sinking into the same old patterns...so I think I need the MB push...should I just get the divorce over with myself?
Married 15 yrs, together 21, 6 yr old D, Found about H's A March'01. EA/PA had been for hree or four years but is now over..H is now with someone else but no one knows about it yet. H moved out 10/01. H no longer wears wedding band. No legal action has been taken yet.
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does H still come in and out of your house at will ..... and make critical comments about you?
Pep
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what we do in life......echoes in eternity!
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Terri,
You have been trying to save this marriage for 5 years. Have those years been wasted?
What have you learned in these past five years? Is that knowledge usable?
Have they made you a more viable human being? Have they made you a better mother? citizen? person?
What has this five years done for you...and do you really want to go another round of them?
Only you can answer that.
committed
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Hey Pepper...coming in and out of the house has subsided to some degree...but the critical comments have escalated...
Hi Nikko!
Hi Committed..Don't believe years have been wasted...I've strived to become a better person...mother...friend...had one relationship last year proved I could als be a better relationship person...that I could actually love someone and be loved...but MB helped me with all of it...
Hoewer, don't want another round...and I believe that in another life, another round wouldn't happen...you do become smarter and wiser...
Married 15 yrs, together 21, 6 yr old D, Found about H's A March'01. EA/PA had been for hree or four years but is now over..H is now with someone else but no one knows about it yet. H moved out 10/01. H no longer wears wedding band. No legal action has been taken yet.
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terrified,
Am so glad to know you have recovered from your illness. I so often wondered if you were okay and prayed for you. Glad you are okay.
Now, what was it that you need help with? I take it your WS is still a WS and not much help when you were ill.
It is hard to say anything when you haven't said much about what has happened and what is going on.
How is your self esteem these days?
Did I read right that you had a relationship last year? Are you still married? You know that is a no no on MB. You need to get out of your current marriage first my girl.
Glad you are okay. How is your DD? Would love a full update. 5 years is a long time to hang on to a WS.
Love in Christ,
Miss M
me: FBS
H: FWS
Fully recovered
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bump^ for terrified! Come on y'all, where are you? Orchid, where art thou? Terrified is back. arkie? MelodyLane? All you oldtimers? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Wise ones? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />(doing the happy dance) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />. Let me say once again, we are sooo glad that you are okay!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Love in Christ, Miss M
me: FBS
H: FWS
Fully recovered
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I am very glad to see you..
I am very glad you are healthy.........
where you at terr...
what are you ready to conquer....
ARK
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[color:"blue"]Hey Pepper...coming in and out of the house has subsided to some degree...but the critical comments have escalated...
[/color]
why is any of this permitted?
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Hey T, I have been thinkin' 'bout u. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Glad to hear u r doing better. The WS still up this 'ol same crap, eh? U know the routine. Your choices are always better each time you have to deal with his crap. Sad how they think they are sooo smart when everyone can see that the 'emperor' ain't wearin' anything. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> I am suppose t/b on a brief hiatus but I keep breaking my own self imposed rules and posting a bit. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Howz your little one doing? She must be getting pretty big. Are all those classes paying off? Thanks for the update. take care, L.
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Let me tell you that I miss all of you, keep you within me where no one else really gets it...MB kept me together...
I've recovered from breast cancer...quite frankly, I was not as 'terrified' as I was with the whole WS situation...many of my friends were amazed at what appeared to be bravery and acceptance which it wasn't...however, I had been through enough ****** to be better prepared.
My daughter continues to the centre of my life. My H (still legally so) is seeing someone else now...seems serious enough...my D has been to a therapist recently to deal with her father leaving. After all these years, he purchased a home...he actually needed his half the day after I completed my treatments last year. By the time it was ready, my D slept over for the first this past February. It was difficult for her to accept that Daddy wasn't coming home...so I brought her to a child psychologist. It really has helped her.
The psychologist advised my H and I not to introduce anyone into her life as she would find it difficult. However, my H has introduced this new woman to my MIL. I feel silly saying this but it hurts me...deeply that my MIL has met her. This means my H is serious enough to bring her into his family...
When I was going through the cancer, H was helpful, supportive...but I didn't want to use the cancer to reel him back into my life and quite frankly, I didn't want him. I did fall into a relationship because of the cancer...I can honestly say that now. I had had my surgery and didn't know if had spread...I just wasn't sure of where I would be...and I needed love. So...I made a mistake in accepting it but I was vulnerable. It's strange...I thought I would lose my "womanhood", any degree of attractiveness, my outerbeing...everything that I thought was needed for someone to love me...
Was it right? No...but it gave me the positivity I needed to get through the illness. I did not make my H accountable to that...should I have jumped on that opportunity? I'm not much of an opportunist...I want the real thing.
Now, I find myself sad...he's out there enjoying his life with a woman that is divorced with two children...and wishing I could have made him happy...but I don't.
And after all these years, we should be divorced, shouldn't we be?
I welcome all of your comments. I'm ready for them. I need to continue to heal and learn...I tell my daughter that all the time...she has saved me.
Married 15 yrs, together 21, 6 yr old D, Found about H's A March'01. EA/PA had been for hree or four years but is now over..H is now with someone else but no one knows about it yet. H moved out 10/01. H no longer wears wedding band. No legal action has been taken yet.
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Hi Terrified,
I am new compared to you, I signed on in Aug. 2005.
I am happy you have beat the big C, and sounds like now, you need the support of your old friends here, to give you the extra support you need to put closure on your marriage.
I hope you find the support you need to find peace.
Best wishes always,
k.d.'s heartbreak
In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.
Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
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And after all these years, we should be divorced, shouldn't we be?
In all honesty...Yes, you should be.
Now, I find myself sad...he's out there enjoying his life with a woman that is divorced with two children...and wishing I could have made him happy...but I don't.
You have this power too terri. You are choosing to NOT act on it. You could be free to enjoy your life...but you are choosing to let him keep control of it. Every day that you remain "married" to this man is every day that you choose to be a prisoner...every day. The door to the cage is open, you just have to step through it.
I am glad to hear that you have recovered from cancer. Now...start LIVING!
JMHO
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(((hugs)))
your future ex-husband is a poophead. (is that allowed or will I be censored? LOLOLOL!)
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Hi Committed & Lexy,
So..this is all up to me...you're reminding me I need to pursue divorce proceedings...
He isn't but still enjoys his life...
Married 15 yrs, together 21, 6 yr old D, Found about H's A March'01. EA/PA had been for hree or four years but is now over..H is now with someone else but no one knows about it yet. H moved out 10/01. H no longer wears wedding band. No legal action has been taken yet.
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terri,
Are you enjoying your life?
Don't enable this any longer, this has gone on for far too long.
You are so WORTHY. Why don't you believe this?
Are you in counseling? You have been thru so very much, and I don't think anything is going to happen, and maybe it won't happen, until you take action.
As I said before, 5 years is a very long time to hang onto a WS. Time to move on girl.
You know, after all that has gone on before now that you were able to have a relationship. I am so NOT surprised. How long are you willing to be stubborn? I suspect you are about as stubborn as your WS.
Let it go. God has a wonderful plan for you. DO NOT let this go one any longer. You deserve better. You deserve love.
It ain't going to happen unless you make a choice. How much more humiliation can you take?
It is NOT healthy. LOOK at what you have been thru. Is this your cross to die on?
Sorry for the 2x4 hon. I have thought and prayed for you a lot. I am SO glad you are okay.
Love in Christ,
Miss M
me: FBS
H: FWS
Fully recovered
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Okay Miss M...I don't mind the 2x4...I came back to MB to be reminded...are you saying I do need to start Plan D...?
My worthiness or lack thereof...comes primarily from failing a marriage...I have never been good at failing anything...
I so appreciate your kind thoughts...
Married 15 yrs, together 21, 6 yr old D, Found about H's A March'01. EA/PA had been for hree or four years but is now over..H is now with someone else but no one knows about it yet. H moved out 10/01. H no longer wears wedding band. No legal action has been taken yet.
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