But see thats the key -- YOU didn't fail....
Your husband did.

Your life is too precious. You definitely have learned that lesson in the last couple years. You are one of the most giving women I know -- not only how you've stood for YOUR marriage, but how you have stood for other marriages too.
MB becomes part of your value system, doesn't it?

I think its time to break that tie. Not so that you can pursue another relationship - but just because he isn't deserving of your loyalty, and you don't need to punish yourself anymore.

BTW -- I think I will be there the 3rd week of August.
I hope you come here in September too!!!!

Lex...so that would be the week of the 21st? Keep me posted...I look forward to a face-to-face boost...!

But didn't I? I mean...there's so many things I did wrong...all sorts of lovebusters because I didn't know how to deal with verbal abuse...or maybe at the time, it was criticsm...my family reminds me he was always critical...but maybe it was because he didn't feel loved...I didn't feel loved...and we didn't know how to tell eaach other...but it was my failure as much as it was his...

Now...I think I would be a much better relationship person...and what bothers me to some degree...is that he has now found what seems to be a decent person...a second chance with someone other than me...it's my ego...and the fact that he's introduced her to his mother...HUGE...

So...Plan D...I hear you, Lex...

But see thats just it -- you've learned how to be a good partner, but he hasn't.

Abuse and Addiction -- those are the two cases in which MB just won't work. The issues are much bigger than eliminating lovebusters can deal with.

And verbal abuse is ABUSE. He needs much more help than this program will provide. And he's not interested in changing nor has he EVER been interesting in changing. He just jumps from relationship to relationship thinking there is SOMEONE that will MAKE him HAPPY -- when in reality you have to be happy alone first.

Maybe he's found a "decent" person to be with, but its just a matter of time before the shine wears off and he realizes that this new "fix" isn't making him HAPPY! And then what will happen? The new one gets the criticsm and verbal abuse, because of course its HER fault HE isn't HAPPY!

You don't need to be on standby for that. Time to break the cycle.

You have learned and grown. You could model a good relationship for Jenna. She needs to see one!

It is definitely good to be back...and to hear from all of you.

Lex...maybe he's learned to be a good partner too...with someone else. Maybe I wasn't the right person for him...I don't know. I do agree that he has never believed he needed to change...

However, I do believe that he is happy with this one...although his behaviour confuses me at times...only recently...he called and said...maybe we'll talk after Jenna goes to bed and maybe I'll stay the night...this was four or five weeks ago...I stared at the received incredulously...'he told me he was going on a cruise when he was really going on a golf trip with the boys...to see my reaction?

Not sure...

Just inconsistent behaviour...

too much contact.

likes to play games, likes to push your buttons. Cruel, really. What a jerk.

Why do you want to be MARRIED to him?

I agree with the frequency of contact...it is too much...

BUT...after all this time...why the buttons...why the cruelty? He has what he wants...he's found someone he really likes enough to share...

Why? because he is an ABUSER, they tend to ENJOY causing other people discomfort.

He's an unhappy person (underneath, probably not visable on the surface...) who wants others to be unhappy too.

Be sure to protect Jenna from this in the future. Right now you are his easiest target -- because you put up with it, and he's still on his best behaviour with new GF. Jenna is too young right now to be one of his targets, but when she gets to those teenage years its VERY likely it will shift from you to her.

Right now my DD has to put up with a lot of junk that used to be directed my way. Now that I'm not there, it gets pointed at her.

The very best deterrant to his behaviour (I think) is another Alpha Male who will protect you and Jenna.

He does complain often...he is critical...he causes me great discomfort...so why have I enabled his behaviour all these years...? Was it really love or do you think it was a matter of losing...him, his family, my place in it...my place in my daughter's life...I'm not sure which is more difficult...a life with H or a life watching people you love from the sidelines...