Cherished, I'm sorry you are hurting by what we are trying to get thru to you. It's not meant to hurt you further than you've already been have been. It's an attempt to REACH YOU! This has been going on for so long now, and I don't know about others, but I am truly scared for you and your children.

There is SO much advice here that has been offered to you, and sometimes, it's as though you haven't heard it. Your responses go right back to the 15 hour per week thing, with nothing anyone said being acknowledged.

I know the advice here is not what you are looking for or wanting to hear, but not all good advice IS always something we want to hear.

Please, PLEASE tell me what your fear of change is. I know you talk of your religous beliefs, but according to the bible, you DO have biblical grounds for leaving. Along with the physical, emotional and verbal abuse. What is keeping you there? Be honest, here, Cherished. Especially with yourself. I think you know how unhealthy this is for you and especially the children.

We are only trying to help you, Cherished, NOT degrade or demean you. Please, don't run away from this. This is your LIFE!

(((Cherished)))

Jen

Well said, Jennifer. The 15 hours/week plan is NOT a magic pill. Maybe it could be if there was give and take instead of just take... What do you want from your marriage? Is your CH capable of giving you that? Sometimes, even our best effort is NOT enough to right a marriage. You are only half of the relationship.

I'm beginning to imagine what my life can be without the 400 lb monkey, also known as my CH, off my back. Certain things will be harder. However, it opens the possiblity that I could, some day, have a relationship where I am love, honored and cherished.

As my DS#1 always says, "FACE YOUR FEARS!"

Post deleted by Cherished

Ok, Cherished. If you wish to go thru the nine days, and pursue this, it can be respected.

My question to you now, is do you have a plan, should the MBW fall thru? What is your plan, if this doesn't work out? You say that the ultitatum was what kept you from filing for D. Besides hope, I'm wondering what's keeping you from leaving? I don't want to say that you are hoping for the wrong things. But I think there comes a time, when acceptance has to come into play, when it's time to change the things we hope for. Such as strength, courage and healthier decisions.

So please tell me, if the hope for this marriage doesn't pan out, WHAT will be your new source of hope? (I'm not being sarcastic or flippant, here, Cherished.) I truly would like to know.

Jen