sssooooo.....in recognition of my recently found freedom i have discovered the playing of the field...hehehe....and life has picked up greatly. Sturgi i took your advice and am just having fun. The best advice i have been given all year.

Just remember to wear a rain coat while you play in the field.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


Mrs. W8ing

The field can be fun, but sometimes I like the seashore or the mountains.

Can't wait to get to the playing field myself. Thinking about it more each day. Yes, join the field and know that there are so many people just waiting to greet u!!

I think you need to play the field for a while to see what you like and don't like and to learn about yourself. Then, when the real things comes along you will recognize it.

Yes, I agree. but getting back into the game will be strange for me. Being in a relationship for 17 years and all. But still I am Excited about the possibilities as well!
I do know that I want and need a long term relationship. I am not the type of guy to jump from bed to bed. Sex can be great but it's the relationship that is what I need in my life.

Sigh...if only all men felt this way.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

LOL, been there done that. Dated wonderful girls (married one) and some really Coo-Coo ones. Just two examples of bad ones.

1. Met this girl at a nightclub (jazz night).....I actually wanted to meet her friend....anyhow, we talked all night and danced, and she seemed to very sweet. This woman was previously married for 10yrs, but divorced and had no children. Well, we started dating casually.....I told her from the start that I was recently divorced and only wanted to date......this included other women also. I told her that I wasnt ready for a g/f or commitment of any type. She agreed, and did not have a problem with this. After about 1 mo. of going out together this girl starts acting possesive. She would get jealous when I went out with my buddies, or if I had plans that did not include her. She also started talking about our future together and that she would raise my two kids like her own, because she didnt want to have any children. WTF? She had not even met my kids. This went on for about another month, and I finally had to sit her down and remind her about my honest approach when we met. That I just wanted to date. Well, she started crying, saying how she really liked me and wanted me to be exclusive to her and we could move in together.....AHHHHHHHH!!! She was moving WAY too fast and totally ignored our original agreement on dating others. To sum this up........I stopped calling her, and seeing her altogether. She was a sweet girl, but way to clingy and obviously she had a hearing problem or memory loss. She scared me away!

2. Met another woman at my apartment and started talking to her. She actually leased these apartments.....anyhow, we called each other, and she would stop by my apartment to hang out when she had a break....no big deal. We went out to dinner a couple of weeks later and to the movies.....just a typical date. When the evening was over, I leaned over to give her a kiss (lips preferably, but I would have settled for the cheek)......this is when she pulled away from me. I was kind of startled......I asked her why I could not give her a kiss, and she said she had a b/f that live in another city (not to far away). I said WHAT???? Why tell me this now, and why call each other and go out on dates if you have a b/f. She said its because they had only recently become b/f and g/f, even though she had known this guy all her life. I knew right then if she could go out behind his back, that she was the type that could NOT be trusted. I broke it off with her that night.

Uhhhhhh, see the wonderful pleasures of playing the field???

LOL.....actually it can be fun, but you have to weed out that garden and till the soil from time to time.

(Honestly I prefer a relationship also, I guess that is why Im the marrying type and really didnt like dating)

Thanks AmericanB. I see so much pain that are caused by an EA, PA's. I would never cheat on my ex (yes, once got very close to it)Because I knew I was only cheating (EX now)her, my children and OW and myself. Sorry but I will pass on this type of relationship and will wait until it's the right time for both of us!

Great story. I agree I am not the dating type. But I guess I should start learning well soon. What do they said "no pain, no gain". LOL

Problem with the typical "playing the field" that most continue to pursue only trains folks how to break up and/or get divorced. Not stay together & create a forever friendship & love.

I personally believe we have created a HUGE crisis of family, divorce, false relationships here in America by our style of "dating" that we've chosen in the modern world.

In gentler times in America, folks met someone near by. Family advice participated in the getting acquainted & courtship time. Church figured in prominently as a place of meeting & value guiding of relationships.

Old-fashioned courtship resulted. Not such a bad deal!

Time was taken to get to really know each other, work together, find out about each other's character.

Results?

My great grandparents and grandparents (AND most of yours)did NOT get divorced!

My parents (AND many of yours) did not get divorced!!

But what about the fast-paced, experiment & test drive, multiple online date & fantasize world of today?

For a brief period, I too fell for the "play-the-field" modern dating exhilaration right after my divorce was final. Results? Clearly bad. One hurt after another. One failure after another.

I'm not going on that path ever again!

God bless,
High Flight

Hi there. Speaking from my own experience, I have to say that "playing the field" after my divorce was the best thing I could have done to become a better version of myself.

I had been dragged down for so long in my marriage, that I really thought I was useless with women. After a great deal of reading, praying, learning, and reflecting, and two years of not even meeting women for coffee, I began "playing the field" and never looked back. I quickly jettisoned any previous notion of inferiority or not being able to please women.

This has done absolute wonders for my self esteem. The only challenges, and ones I would caution others about", were:

1. Do not, I repeat DO NOT, have sex with multiple women and be honest with ALL of them that you are seeing multiple women. This is vital.

2. Watch your pocketbook, as it can get expensive, even if you go dutch all the time

3. Don't get too attached to one women while continuing to see others. You only get hurt this way.

4. Keep your dates out of your children's lives until you have pared them down to one OR you are prepared to introduce one or more of them simply as "friends" and nothing else.

I'm sure others here can add some words of wisdom.

Mark

HF, I think you are wrong. At least partially.

There are some good reasons to get to know a person for a long while before getting serious with them. No doubt about it.

But... Many of our parents and grandparents stayed married because divorce was an economic disaster for them, especially the woman. I know many older women who stayed married because they were afraid they could not support themselves. So the stayed married to men who did not treat them well.

Today, modern women can support themselves just fine without a man. Most of the women I know who are 40+ own their own homes, make as much money as me, maybe more, and have their own lives, careers, etc. They need a man for love, companionship and sex, not financial support. And, more to my point, THEY DON'T NEED TO STAY MARRIED TO A MAN WHO DOESN'T PROVIDE THOSE THREE THINGS.