InADaze2,
Let me offer you some perspective from an "old timer." My wife had an affair 6 years ago, and I found out about it around September 2000 - so I've been at this a long time! It took a lot of time and work, but today we are fully recovered and our marriage is as strong as ever - so there is hope for you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
We also had the situation where the OM was a co-worker, and today, believe it or not, they still work in the same office.
It is possible to recover despite this, but it's not as easy of a road as if you were to follow Harley's strict rules on no-contact.
You have grown very apart because neither of you are depositing any "love units" into your "love banks." And at the same time you may be both withdrawing those love units by engaging in "lovebusters," - which have the effect of removing the love units that were already there.
If you do not know what I am talking about with these terms I would suggest you read up on the website about the Basic Concepts that Dr. Harley suggests for all successful marriages. Here's the link:
Basic Concepts I also would suggest that if you haven't already read up on the following link regarding the steps to recover from an affair to please do so:
Surviving Infidelity The state of awkwardness you describe is normal. This is because you have drifted so far apart. Right now my suggestion to you would be to do your best to meet his most important emotional needs, which appear from your post to be conversation, affection, recreational companionship, and admiration. Also, be warned that you cannot expect him to reciprocate right away. All you can do is work on your end to meet his needs the best way you can and to avoid any "lovebusters" that will drain away his "love bank." Remember, deposits are good, withdrawals are bad. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Over time he will begin to notice that you have changed your marital behaviors and he will see a "consistent" record of you doing your best to be the wife of his dreams. This record of consistency takes time, so try not to be discouraged as you go through this.
You are very new into this, and it is not too late. If you can afford it, the phone counseling that's offered here is very good to help you develop a solid plan and to "coach" you through it.
Unfortunately, it begins with you first. You cannot control right now what your husband does. All you can do is work on yourself. Don't expect any changes from him right away, and you can't "demand" anything from him. You can, however, if it's possible, use the "Policy of Joint Agreement" to negotiate any differences you may have. This will take some practice and some getting used to. At times it may seem like your efforts are for nothing, but you will be amazed at how good the results can be over time - especially when one day he realizes how good he really has it.
Read up on everything you can on the website (not just the forum). Also, consider the phone counseling that they offer if you would like to have a really good "coach" to help you through this process.
My marriage recovered successfully from an affair. We also were able to fall back in love after drifting apart. Yours can to. Don't give up hope!
All the best,
-HD