Perhaps what you both fail to realize is that recovery is not something that you chase. It is, instead, the result of the many other things that you do. Kind and thoughtful gestures, certain smiles without reason, sympathetic ears all combine to provide you both with happiness.

I suspect that you and Stanley will again find your common ground, as the risk you both take on this slippery slope is not worth the result it will produce. It would be a tragedy to allow this forgone result to occur if you stay on the path of disrespect and resentment.

(How is the sex life going? So many misunderstands stem from the disconnection between man and woman in the bedroom.)

If Stanley is anything like me and I suspect he is very much like me, then let me present this thought for your consideration. As I go through this path of recovery I find that most days things go very well between Mrs. G and I. However, there are some days when my mind fills with images and thoughts of those terrible days so long ago. I can’t seem to help but to privately blame my wife for those thoughts. I typically bury those feelings inside, as I believe that they do not represent my present state of life with my wife. I think she is true and committed to the marriage but still whenever I bury those feeling they leave a small tad of resentment. Over time those feelings add up and the resentment builds until it manifests itself by my lashing out at Mrs. G. Myrta, it is almost like I have a fear of recovery. I am afraid that a full recovery will allow me to forget the pain that I felt so long ago. You might think that that is a good thing and indeed you might suggest that it should be celebrated and not feared. I am afraid that if I forget that pain then I will diminish the importance that that event played in my life. Remember what I said at the beginning of this post, “Sometime the heart won’t listen to what the brain is saying.”

Stanley may feel embarrassed over some of the hateful things he has said to you. He may regret how he conducted himself and may even despise his words and actions, but Myrta, your post if filled with terrible thoughts and destructive messages. Your post will feed his suspicions and his fears, resentment feeding resentment. You both force each other into a corner from which no one can emerge.

I have a motto that I think may be wise advice to “commitments of the heart and marriage”.

“Take no offensive stand nor offer no defense.”

What this means is that in a committed relationship such as marriage both partners will be best served by lying their souls bare for the other. “Easy to say but hard to do.” When it works it provides great rewards and healing and it ALWAYS works when both spouses are practicing it.

Mr. G