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Depression and Affairs
#1670453 05/30/06 11:55 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
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MeOnlyBetter
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I was wondering if anyone could answer this ? for me. I believe my FWH has depression issues. Can the feelings of hopelessness and sadness that go with depression make a person "prone" to affairs in an effort to make themselves feel better?? I'm trying to understand what he was thinking when he decided it was OK to dishonor our marriage and have an A. I just want to be watchful so that it doesn't happen again.

Me 47 FWH 49 M 26years 2 DD 24, 22 D-day 10/03 Daledogsmom@yahoo.com *formerly known as Dougswife*
Re: Depression and Affairs
MeOnlyBetter #1670454 05/30/06 12:35 PM
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No. Va.
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worthatry Offline
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Quote
I just want to be watchful so that it doesn't happen again.

The depression question aside for a moment - what are YOU doing to prevent another affair?

hint: you cannot control your H's depression or any other aspect of him

WAT
WAT's Quick Start Guidelines For Betrayed Spouses
Affair Exposure 101
Re: Depression and Affairs
worthatry #1670455 05/30/06 12:47 PM
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From first hand experience I would say "YES" depression can be a huge factor with getting involved with OP.

If that OP makes you feel good about yourself "the addiction of it". Just as alcohol or drugs might temporarily take you away from reality.

The down side obviously is it's not reality. At some point you have to deal with the issues, and mop up the mess you've left behind for family and yourself.
Re: Depression and Affairs
MeOnlyBetter #1670456 05/30/06 01:18 PM
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Cheese Country
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KariJean Offline
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Me,

You'll get different opinions about this, but my answer is yes, depression and other mental illnesses can contribute to the conditions needed in order to have an A. As you will hear over and over, depression is not the CAUSE of an A, nor an excuse. Your H's depression did't make him decide to leave the OW and commit to the recovery of your M either. He made the decision to leave, and also to stay. Nothing, including a mental illness, can do that for someone. Even an alcoholic or drug addict has clear moments when they can seek recovery.

Hopefully your H is seeing a good psychiatrist and acknowledges his depression. If not, you can't go forward in recovery until he does. Trust me on that one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

All my best,

KJ

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
Re: Depression and Affairs
KariJean #1670457 05/30/06 01:33 PM
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MeOnlyBetter
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No my H isn't seeing a professional for his depression, I don't think he even realizes that's part of the problem. We went to MC 1 time shortly after D-day, but refuses to go back. As for as what I am doing to prevent an affair from happening again, I'm trying my hardest to make him feel happy to be home, but often fail miserably. He has a lot of misdirected anger which I think is part of his depression. He often makes me the target of his anger (no physical abuse, but can be verbal at times). When I am confronted with his anger, I lash back and then regret my outburst.

Me 47 FWH 49 M 26years 2 DD 24, 22 D-day 10/03 Daledogsmom@yahoo.com *formerly known as Dougswife*

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