Well this is my second post. I know now that he has met someone else and says he wants to be with her. They met in March 06 and have been "phone friends" until he flew out of state to see family where I am sure they met up again. He was supposed to come home today, yes we are still living together. And after not returning my calls for over a week he called today to say he wouldn't be back until next week. His mother called tonight and I let her know the truth about what was going on. She sounded surprised but that may have been for my benefit. He and I did attend one therapy session before his trip and I may be able to get him to go again. I have read Love Busters and the chapter on surviving an affair but how do I get him to really hear me?? We have had 17 years together ( no kids) and ups and downs aside I am still madly in love with him. I guess I am just looking for advice on how to turn this mess around and try to recapture what we once had. Any wisdom to share??

Does he have a job?

Yes he has his own handy man business. He had done some work for the OW family here and is supposedly doing work on their other home in another state.

blindsided,

Welcome back. Didn't hear from you after your first thread.

You know it's a complete lie about him being there to do work. You mentioned before that the OW is engaged? Can you find out who her fiance is and fill him in on what's happening?

To be honest with you, most people here and Dr Harley also usually recommend moving on if an affair occurs in a relationship such as yours. You are not married and you have no children, although 17 years together is a very long time. You are of course free to try to save the relationship if you want, and we'll help you with advice, but I just thought I'd let you know.

He will not 'hear you' at all for the time being. When in an affair, the WS will not see clearly, nor hear your words. You will be a simple annoyance to him at this point.

Your best bet is to find out who the OW is. Find out who the OW's fiance is. Then expose to him and her family.

He should be getting a crap load of money incoming to his bank account for all this work, eh? You have a shared bank account? I bet it's bone dry these days...

I was begining to think no one was out there. Thanks so much for replying. I found out today that there is no fiance for his OW but I did speak to his mother and she sounded suprised when I filled her in on her son's actions. He called today ( the day he was supposed to return ) and said he wouldn't be back for another week. He seemed completely indifferent when we spoke. How can 17 years even if they aren't all great dissapper so quickly. I am still in love with him and want to try to save whatever is left but I don't know how to start???