No plans for the anniv. yet. FWH seems to just want to spend lots of time AWAY from me. He thinks the 15 hours Harley talks about should mean NO MORE THAN 15 HOURS PER MONTH.

Anyway, went to see both my IC and MC today. IC says he's pro-marriage, but probably not quite so much. He did say that Toolman and I are probably never going to get the D, so we better figure out how to live together.

We do have lots of tethers keeping us together (business, kids, nice beach house we couldn't afford separately). Biggest tether in my mind is that I couldn't stand the idea of one of his bimbo's helping to raise my kids. (H would demand equal custody of the DD and DS, I'm sure.)

So here I sit, waiting for some kind of miracle to drop in my lap. IC and MC recommend more plan A for both of us, trying to meet EN's. I don't think Toolman is up for that, but I guess I could ask him.

Guess I just needed to vent a little, and have my own little pity party. I know, as Lemmonman says, I'm one of those who don't really take all the advice I'm offered, so it's probably a waste of time to try to help. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Ima...

I read on another thread one day that you have told Toolman in no uncertain terms that there will NEVER again be SF between the two of you...THAT, my friend will NEVER cut the mustard for recovery...But you're a smart lady, even if you are a Gator fan, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> so I'm sure you already know that, huh? What is it that you are trying to get from counseling if you aren't EVER willing to meet what I'm sure is probably a top EN for Toolman?

Mrs. W

Hey, now, Mrs. Wondering, I would have to say that SF is THE HIGHEST unmet EN for ME. Toolman decided that I was too fat after giving birth to the second baby, and HE CUT ME OFF. Read back, and he even admits this, back in September of last year some time. He has denied me SF for OVER 4.25 years. I have a very high libido, for a 41 year old woman, and this has killed me.

What killed it more was the fact that after denying me SF for 3.5 years, HE decided to get his rocks off with a 21 year old. I look at the M like a body on life support. We might be able to shock it back, but I'm probably a parapalegic for life. I don't think I'll ever be the vibrant person I once was.

I think I would plan something nice for myself. Figure out something you would like to do and have a nice anniversary. No sense both of you missing it.

Thanks Believer and Mrs. Wondering...I'm still pondering the next move. I'll keep you updated.

Self fullfilling prophecy alert!!!!!

"I don't think I'll ever be the vibrant person I once was."

If this is what you think you are right!!!!

Change that thinking to "I know one day I will be the vibrant person I used to be." "I know I am going to start working on that today."

Think of it this way. Have you ever gone somewhere with the perception it was going to suck. It probably did suck in your mind. Five course dinner that was great but they served corn and you hate corn. See it sucks they served corn. The music was great and people were dancing but it was a DJ not a band and you like bands. It Sucked. Someone spilled water on your table. It Sucked. Now if you wanted to go and thought it was going to be great none of these little things would have bothered you. You would have focused on how good the dinner was. Probably glad they served corn so you could eat more of something else. The water on the table would have been thank god it wasn't red wine.

As far as losing weight "Just do it" I lost 50 lbs without any fad diets. I look damn good too. I think it sucks that H doesn't want to have SF. I find it very shallow myself but it is what it is. Take away that "excuse" from him. You will never know if that is the real reason until you take it away from him. But don't look at it like you are doing it for him do it for yourself.

How great would you feel about yourself if you lost some weight? The endorphine(sp) release will help you mentally as well. Heck there is no downside here.

One more question were you happy before you got married? If so your happiness certainly doesn't depend on him, proven by the fact you were a happy person before you met him. Your happiness is not dependant on him. He can make you sad yes but, people only have control over your feelings if you let them. Start controlling your own feelings and you will be that vibrant person again.

Great Post hurtingless...

Ima,

Consider this...


Act, Don't React...

Hang in there Ima!

Mrs. W

IMONATHRONE

If you don't mind my asking, where are you from?

SORRY....

IMANOTHERONE

Beatndown-
Care to clarify what you're getting at here? Are you implying that "I'm on a throne?" or are you just trying to be cute?

From where I'm sitting (and it's NOT on a throne, BTW), that was a pretty hateful and unconstructive thing to say. Before I say any more, though, I wanted to be sure you were intending to insult or belittle me.

I'm gonna take a guess here...

TEMPORARY DYSLEXIA??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Ima...

Maybe beatndown read my Gator comment...hmmm...??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Hi Mrs. W....
Doubt it was the gator comment that got beatndown to behave so poorly, since the Gators had their big day at the end of march madness. Baseball was a big fizzle for us, but at least your Bulldogs have held their own.

I've read some of the stuff you and others have posted to Frozen, and I feel like I'm dealing with some similar emotions as she does. I.e., we want things to improve, but we don't want to stick our neck out, lest it be chopped again. Fear is very immobilizing.

I'm curious, Mrs. W., if you would have been able to jump back in, had Mr. W been the WS. I seem to recall you saying many months ago that you probably wouldn't have made it, if tables were turned (but don't quote me on that--just seems to stick in my brain). Reason I ask is that the extra layer of "survival skin" I've gotten on my psyche after an ordeal like this does not lend itself to healthy recovery. Probably wasn't all that healthy to begin with.

Wondering if your time on the MB board has made you stop and think about how you would have "survived the affair." You strike me as a pretty proud person, one who wouldn't take that kind of hurt and just open yourself back up again. Am I wrong?

Go Gators...Next Game Sept. 2 vs. Southern Miss.

Well, if that's true 'bout beatndown, then I say you tell him that H E L L YES you are on a throne cuz you are the Queen of Everything and he's just been banished from the kingdom...the little serf! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Me, proud? Gee, I hope not, because pride comes before a fall...trust me, this whole experience has been quite humbling...

As for whether or not I would have bounced back as quickly as Mr. W did...Sadly, NUH UH, I wouldn't have-I've never been as self assured as he...BUT, and I don't know that this is a bright side, but anyway, Mr. W was unfaithful to me more than a few times when we dated, and he also propositioned a very young member of our staff before my affair (she said no)...And some other stuff that didn't come out until after our Dday...So, as I said on another thread yesterday, I have made a concious choice not to revisit those painful memories too often...Perhaps, it's because as a FWS I KNOW that the issues lie with the WS, and NOT the BS...

Mr. W and I are just in a much healthier place now...always trying to consider the needs of the other as we would our own...We just both feel very blessed to have each other...Don't know if any of that helps Ima...but you are welcomed to question me further, and I'll see what I can dig out of my disheveled brain...

Hey, did you realize that H E L L just might be in the process of freezing over? The DETROIT TIGERS <GASP> are currently the best team in MLB...WHO WOULDA THUNK IT??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

D'you remember that show, Magnum, P.I.? Tom Selleck always wore a Detroit Tigers cap on the show. I always figured it was some kinda dig on the poor Tigers, but turns out Selleck is from Detroit and used his "muscle" to promote such a God-Forsaken team. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, I continue to to ponder how Toolman and I can possibly survive this intact. I want to be sure I've done everything I can to make it work. Maybe I'll feel more constructive after we've fixed some of the hurricane ravaging we took on the house these past two years...place looks like a bomb went off.

Yes, Yes, Yes I get this...THIS is where we are too...How do you get past the procrastination and just start digging through the rubble? I literally have a panic attack when I contemplate beginning...No kidding, I begin to breathe really fast and have an overwhelming sense that I may die right then unless I just stop and block it out...What really sucks is that we want to sell our house and move back to Atlanta, which will do wonders for my psyche...but I'm stuck...ARGH!!!

Mrs. W

Well I thought I liked you but I am a Yankees fan.

Think they spanked the Tigers last night.

"Maybe I'll feel more constructive after we've fixed some of the hurricane ravaging we took on the house these past two years...place looks like a bomb went off."

Our relationships are a lot like your house. You won't be able to fix it in one day. It will take time and the more effort you put into it the better it will look. It may actually have more value when you are done with it.

"Anyway, I continue to to ponder how Toolman and I can possibly survive this intact." Just like your home did!!!

Hurtingless-I'm not a tigers fan, so no worries. I'm just really good at remembering incredibly stupid, trivial things that do nothing to better my life. I'm happy for your Yankees. I don't really watch baseball until October. My H says my sports addiction is bad enough, so I have to have windows where I'm allowed to watch particular sports, otherwise I'm glued to the TV and ESPN.com 24/7. I should'a been a bookie.

hurtingless...

Oh Dear Lord, say it ain't so...I thought I liked you too, alas, I must take it back...I, good sir, am a card carryin', dyed in the wool [color:"red"]ATLANTA BRAVES[/color] FANatic!!! Givin' those Yankees a Spankee is our FAV-VOR-RITE pastime... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W<-------Wildly Wavin' Her Tomahawk!

Mrs. W.
There's no account'n fer taste, I say. Pretty much my favorite team is whoever is beatin' the Braves. After being forced by Ted Turner to watch that team, whether good or bad, for so many years, I've grown to hate 'em. But that's ok, they'll still fight to convince us all that they're America's Team.