Blind,

You made me laugh there - I can almost picture you with a Plan A cape drapped around your shoulders!

It's easy to seen the starting to walk out of the fog and want to grab and pull them the rest of the way out. Just stand still, stay in one place. Let him come to you.

And remember who you are - strong, intelligent, beautiful and more worthy than any OW. No OW can compare to you, no matter what he may be thinking in the fog.

Take care, will talk to you soon, hopefully with some positive news. Right now I'm a bit nervous, not sure where WH is at in the fog. Will he be moving towards me or away from me? We'll see :-)

T2T

ok y'all have given great advice on him being in withdrawal.

I am still in Plan A which is tougher than after d day but I can do it.

i know there has been NC for 20 days now and his attitude is grumpy and closed off. Even more than usual.

Do I stay steady with what I am doing or should I try to get him to open up a littel?

He has not confirmed NC but I KNOW that there has been none.

There is one cell phone and one e mail account and all have been clear since 7/1/06.

He was never a great communicator after his a I have learned neither was I.

Any opinions on starting a relationship discussion?

Mr W says do nothing change nothing but I feel that on my current path I have made so much progress on getting back the real him I don't want to screw it up by "pushing him" before the fog allows him to really behonest with me?

Any recovered WS or BS have any suggestions on how to communicate while he is still in withdrawal?

Blind

Bump for some advice?

Blind

I have to get dressed for work but I do have a few things I'll like to say later.

T2T- wow, great insight! Blind-you got some great advice dear, roll with it.

Okay, first, did you write me back, I have a spam filter, and sometime I had to go looking for my mail through the website?


What about you? What progress have you made with yourself? what have you learned about yourself? Have you thought about things pre D-day that you were doing that you could have done differently and thought about why you did what you did?

What signs do you have that the fog could be clearing?
You know that we are in the same situation also. Last contact was 7/11/06, LA suggested that I wait until Sept., just two months! Why, to improve me, you can't figure out years of crap in a few weeks? This has not only been a big blow to you but H too! He's got a lot to address within himself. Give him that space, take yours. If you really feel the need, do a drive-by! Talk about what you've learned about yourself, what changes you are trying to made for yourself. Who you are becoming, who you were, why you feel you need to change. Speak calmly, and anything that he says DON"T TAKE PERSONAL, just as information. Let him know if he says something that it's good to know. Have you started working on creating a safe enviroment in which the both of you can speak freely? You mentioned communication problems.

Let me know what you think!

You are so right Rind.

Yesterday something definately clicked.

It was as ,"The Dubya's" like to say ,a light switch being flipped on.
I came home from work last night and made a great dinner and we watched a surf movie and just had a wonderful night. I got my first fog free hug and kiss in over 3 months. I just looked at him and said thanks I really needed that today.
He looked back and it really was him not the alien even for just a minute maybe that said " I really needed that too today".

I about fell over.

Not to be too hopeful I didn't post yesterday much.

I must say today and tonight.....ladies and gentlemen.

fog free. I almost forgot what it felt like.

I don't know how long this will last and I know I haven't been on this site very long but I wanted to say I know the ride is LONG from over but thanks to you all who helped me get here and to those of you just finding this miracle site............. there are really good days sometimes.

Just find yourself
they just might come back to find you.


Blind

. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I'm so happy for us Blind! Just keep in mind you still may have a bad day here and there! Keep your head up! You're doing great! Enjoy the fog free and I am wishing you the best weekend! Go get him girl! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I have been looking around and I never thought I would need it so soon but can any of y'all send me the link or a suggestion on how to help him with his NC letter?

I meant to bookmark the page but I thought I wouldn't need it for months but I am glad to say I do.

Thanks,
Blind

Your husband/SO is to end the affair by sending the OW a NO CONTACT LETTER asking her to never contact him again. You can guage his sincerity about ending the affair with his reaction to this request and preparedness to follow through. [sample below]

Dr Harley recommends letter that the letter is to be written by you BOTH and mailed by you asking her to never contact him again.

Dr. Harley?s (From SAA)

(OP), I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk with you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that (BS) did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay (BS) for the pain I have caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she?s been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.
Sincerely,
(WS)

Good luck Blindsided...you are doing a great job.

Mr. W

Blind,

Sounds like you had a good weekend - I thought about and prayed for both you and SO. Glad to know things are looking up!

Keep up the awesome work - sounds like the fog might be breaking!

T2T

BS06- how are things going? Are you doing well today?

Hi all.

The weekend was really great. I guess I will just have to hold on to that because the fog is back in full force.

Fog freedom lasted about3 1/2 days and I must say it was really great.

I did prepare myself for this "phase" to be a roller coaster. I just wasn't prepared for my feelings to get hurt so badly.

There is still NC. 24 days and counting. He did speak to OW's step father since he manages there house down here in the off season so I am guessing that is what triggered this lovely mood he is in currently.

It started by him saying he was in a bad mood and for me not to push the issue and just leave him alone so I did.

He didn't say goodnight last night or sleep in our bed and didn't get up to say goodmorning when I left for work today.

I know I have to set some boundaries for myself. It is just so hard to know what your personal limits are when you feel like you are fighting for the love of your life.

We all at some point compromise some beliefs we thought we had or we wouldn't be trying to save relationships where we have been hurt so badly by the ones we love the most.

I almost think it was easier just to deal with the fog then to wake up each morning and wonder who is sleeping there with me. Dr. "Love me and save me from my self" or Mr. I'm not "in love" with you anymore.

Sorry for the morning rant. I guess I just have to keep in mind. one step forward 10 steps back is how this is goning to go for a while.

Thanks for listening.

Blind

Good job on leaving him alone when he asked. Remember it's nothing personal right now, it's him.

Okay, do yourself a favor! Think about where you've come from and where you're headed, which would you rather have!

Stay positive Blind! Stay focused! Don't go wandering off on me just yet. LOL

You are very right about the one step forward, but maybe not so many back! HAHA!

Keep up the great work!

I know.
Everytime I go home from work I think tonight is the night I ask him all of the questions I have been dying to ask for the last 4 months. Then I stop myself and tell myself let him come to you.

I know in my mind how far I have come and how much I have learned but all it takes is one shrug of his shoulders to fell bad all over again.
I guess I should reread my own post and just hope tomorrow is a better day.
Thanks Rin,
blind

Why is he picking at me!!!

I hope someone is arpund to talk me down here.
So last night he turned his cheek again when I went to say good night.
I asked him to sleep in our bed and not on the couch and he sid ok and ..........slept on the couch.
So the lien just called and wanted to know why I was so pissy this morning?
Why didn't I bring up the paper and why didn't I come say good bye when I left for work?

Is he kidding me?

He called me back at work again and started asking what my problem is.

My problem is that you cheated on me after being together for 17 years and then you returned home and just acted like nothing ever happened. You won't talk to me and you won't open up emotionally so If you don't like how I say goodmorning. screw you buddy!!!!

You did this not me.


Sorry to those that know me .
I had to do that before I went home.
Thanks,
Blind

Well, we can caulk that one up to having a bad day! Should I get the paddle? LOL Okay, you screwed up today and LBed! Let's move on, the past is the past! Even thought it was earlier today. I know you're hurting but what did that accomplish? What did you just do? Did you make self feel any better by doing that? WHere the class, BS?

You do need to calm down, AO, LB, AND DJ's. Oh, my goodness, focus, collect yourself! You can't run on your emotions!

Oh, sweetie! I'm sorry you're having a rough day.

((((BS06))) I've cry together with you today, just get it out and brush ourselves off. Pick our heads up and ride that rollercoaster some more!

Think positive, you have a new day tomorrow! Stay strong, think about the payoff!

Oh Blind,
Gosh - I thought I should check in earlier today and didn't. Guess I was having sisterly vibes for you my dear.

Ok, so you LB'd - first, remember, even though we all think and know you are a Super Woman, you are only human. It's bound to get to you. But fight the urge! If he ticks you off, smile and Plan A, then come to us and do your griping. We know how it feels so we can support you and comiserate (sp?) with you. But don't turn it on him - it won't help.

Hang in there - remember you are on the roller coaster of your life, but it will be well worth the journey.

T2T

I did come to you guys.
I DIDN'T actually say all of those things. I only typed them to get them out of my system.

When I got home I actually said" Last night you hurt my feelings when you didn't kiss me good night."

He apoligized and that was it.

I haven't LB'D in 4 months. I am sorry you guys thought I actually said those things.

Come on we have all learned more than that from this site!!!

I guess I am still learning how much Plan A is about want for the BS.

I want him to tell me there has been NC for 25 days.

I want him to tell me he loves me and our family.

I want him to use the word forever again.

I want my guy back!!!

I am fine now.

Thanks for listening and I am sorry y'all thought I fell off the A boat.

Blind

Hey,((( BS06))), Sorry for the miscommunication! I thought for sure everything you works so hard for fell to pieces. I'm happy for you that they didn't!

So, you're craving all of those those beautiful things! What's stopping you from telling him that? Just a drive-by! Talk about the old days, laugh a little...remember the time kind of stuff...
Are you two trying to make new memories?

Once again, I'm sorry for the miscommunication! Hope you have a great night!