Hello, this is my first post..

I have been married to my husband for 5 years now. I moved from Canada to Finland to get married. I had a very hard time these years dealing with fitting into society and learning the language. I feel after 5 years the challenge has finally become a bit less for me. But now this new issue has popped up. I told my husband that I did not want children..I think he assumed I wanted them in the first place. He told me that he is now confused because he wanted a life with children not now but in the near future. I am 28 yrs old and he is 36 years old. Ever since I mentioned that, we have not been intimate. I feel that I am the bad person here that I am the guilty one. Even I am not sure about my mixed emotions with this child issue. I feel now I am NOT ready, plus also I may not want to have the child grow up in Finland --a very difficult place for me compared to multicultural Canada. We are planning to see a marriage counsellor. We are both sort of stuck. Confused and not sure if we are doing the right thing. I do not want to separate at this point. I want some advice...please..if anyone has some spare time...perhaps I can hear some advice?
Thank you in advance...

kogepan - you posted in the forum area primarily dealing with infidelity.

Fortunately for you, it sounds like this isn't your problem - but this area of the forum isn't the best place for you.

Regardless, I believe getting into counseling is a smart move for you two. The positive aspect of your dilemma is that you're not taking the decision to have children lightly. Good for you. This may seem like a no brainer to you and me, but to many others it appears to be less thought out.

In addition to counseling, please browse other areas of this site and learn about ways to make your marriage the best it can be. Learn about the Love Bank and meeting the emotional needs of your spouse. If you can be successful in this endeavor, the children dilemma may be resolved in the process.

Best wishes to you,

Hello Worthatry,

Thank you for your post in reply to mine. Oops, I was asked to post here in forum II since the prior post was in another section which does not get much posting! Yes, you are so right. In addition to counselling, I need to browse around other areas and pick up some more advice on how to make this marriage better...Thank you for caring! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

WAT, I actually suggested she come over here and post. She was on the Divorce board and I know there are many, many kind and knowledgeable people here. Plus, it is the most active forum.

Hopefully she can get some good advice here.

Hi IS - as you know, no friendlies get turned away. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

And you're right, someone here likely dealt with this before.

WAT

Hi WAT *waving* <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />