I decided to post over here, since I know you don't visit the recovery site very often.

I ordered "Love and Respect" thru Amazon and it will be here soon, but wanted to see if you could recall any notable admiration ideas. You see, FWH is about to leave on a 4 day golf outing (with his brother, our BIL, and another guy). I honestly don't have any fear as far him straying - but just want to make him "feel the love" while he's away.

Thanks!!

~Christine

"Make sure that you keep your cellphone on... I'm probably going to NEED YOUR HELP deciding/planning/getting through my day, MR. STRONG, SMART, WISE HUSBAND OF MINE!!!"

A memorable item at the bottom of the golfbag as a surprise...

I don't know anything at all about golf but hints to how you know how well he will do compared to them..how you love to see him in his golf shirts..ANY SINCERE COMPLIMENTS about his looks or PROWESS...

A surprise gift to take on his trip..new sunglasses(?).."I always wanted you to have a pair of these..I thought they would look good on you...

I like the cell phone idea, I honestly feel he needs to feel needed. Even though throughout this mess, I realized that I don't "need" him, but I love and want him.

I'm always good for leaving little surprizes and whatnot for him. When he took this new job, he had to go to PA for 2 weeks.....I bought 15 hallmark cards and after adding something sweet or naughty in the card, I sealed them and put the date on it that he should open it up on. He LOVED it. On the other hand, when he was upfront and honest about the last contact from FOW, I showed him affection and admiration and he said I made him feel like a little kid, that he didn't need praise for it. So, with him it seems to be a little touch & go.

He's recentlt discovered golf, so he has bought every accessory & gadget you could think of.

But, you've put me on a path that I can follow.

Thanks Mimi!!

~Christine

Maybe it's a play on words but..you don't NEED your H?..you have Emotional Needs, Christine..it's acceptable to NEED your H...



Not praise for telling you about contact with the FOW...that is a bit touchy..

Admiration about being YOUR MAN...YOUR HUSBAND..THE FATHER OF YOUR CHILDREN...

Humm..wonder how you make him feel like a little kid...you for sure do not want this to happen..this is talked about in LOVE AND RESPECT...

Well, I guess it was a play on words. What I mean is that I don't "need" him for day to day stuff - I can pay the bills, care for the kids, mow the lawn - you know, I can take care of myself. By wanting and loving him, that's where my EN's are met.

He didn't get pissy about my praise for his finally being upfront & honest. I bought him a card, wrote my peace about feeling like we were on the same team again, and gave him a teddy bear holding a sign that says "you make me smile with my heart". He said he liked it when I gave it to him, but subsequent conversations afterwards he admitted that he felt like a little boy being rewarded. I assured him that it wasn't my intention, but rather that I wanted him to uderstand how important and significant his complete honesty was to me.

Like I said, it wasn't something he make a big stink over.

~Christine

Now, I'm just pi$$ed off! I went into FWH's AOL and voila! an e-mail from FOW. She talked about his message Friday making her cry & how she had to call him. It was good talking with him again, even if it was short. She's glad he's doing well & thought he would be proud of her good changes. She asked what the name of his new company was again ?!? And said she hopes to run into him someday, but that it wasn't likely since they haven't seen each other in 6 months.

I am so deflated. Apparently HE made contact. No mention to me. We had a great weekend. Even though he gave me his AOL password, he'll probably be mad that I was in there. If I wasn't in there I would be blind to the non-NC.

Well, how does this get done. I am not done with him. Hurt, yes. Disappointed, yes. I will confront him, but I don't want there to be LB's.

Guide me

~Christine

Tell him that you know that he is in contact with the OW and that you do not find that to be acceptable. Ask him how you can HELP him with a PLAN to ensure that this contact ceases from this point forward.

It's alright to be ANGRY and HURT. That's to be expected...Just tell him how you feel.. but don't knock him up side the head like you want to do... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Don't tell him how you know!

If he is concerned and guesses that you read his AOL, then he is not ready for REAL RECOVERY. So what, if you read it, OPENNESS AND HONESTY is what your M is all about from this point forward, right?..given that your H has had an A with his children's nanny..is at risk for getting involved with any young HO again...

My H is perfectly willing for me to see EVERYTHING of his and KNOWS FULL WELL THAT I WILL BE CHECKING..

You may have nipped this in the bud.. but yes, they are about to get started again. YUCK!!!

She is in HOT PURSUIT!!! THAT HO!!! and he is in pursuit of her...

Can he get out of the golfing? Are you sure that he is going golfing?

I am 100% positive about the golfing. His brother is going, and we talk quite a bit. He knows what ****** I've been through and if I asked enough and the right questions, he would spill it.

WH will deny anything I put before him, because I have NO idea how this contact happened....I look at the cell and blackberry. If he deleted those calls then they are about to post on-line when my verizon bill is available in about 7 days.

It's sooooo hard not to head-smack him!! What's all the crap he's been telling me? Just words that I want to hear? I never asked him to sugar-coat anything. I told him that the truth hurts, but lies and decpetion destroy any chance of rebuilding trust.

I can already hear his arguement....if I didn't want to be here, I would go. I am here with you and not with her. I'm not wired like most people, those feelings for her are gone but I can still care about her. Blah Blah Blah

What a beautiful send-off this will be for 4 days of absence. No matter how I address it, him leaving under these conditions is not good. I really wonder somethimes. I don't think he would go through any of this for me.

~Christine

Can't you print the E-Mails? He can call her from a regular phone. They have those everywhere, Christine.

Of course, though, he is going to DENY. It doesn't matter. You know for sure. You are not bound to telling him how you know. Be firm and adamant about it.



ALL BULL CRAP!! CONTINUED FOG TALK!!

I would insist on another NO CONTACT LETTTER!!



I hate to say this..BUT..you can look at this way..HE'S NOT REALLY THERE WITH YOU ANYWAYS...

If he is unwilling to do the NC LETTER then he is not really committed to RECOVERY....A letter saying: "I was wrong to have contacted you again and to continue to HURT MY WIFE!!! I love her and want to work on our marriage so I will never contact you again and I don't want you to contact me."
H
Christine, I'm so sorry..

I know exactly how you are feeling..

Remember I lived through TWO and almost THREE FALSE RECOVERIES...

Confusion!

When I got home last night, he told me right off the bat that he had talked with her (only that day, which was Wednesday). I asked him "what about Friday?" and he had no idea what I was talking about. So, I asked him to tell me how contact had happened Wednesday. On Tuesday he had several missed calls on his cell that he didn't know what the numbers were - no one had left messages. He blew them off. Then, around 9:50am Wednesday one of those numbers called his cell again, and it was FOW! He said the conversation was very brief & he did tell her no more contact. I was given all of his phones and access to all his work stuff too...including his laptop. I verified with Verizon on-line (his cell, where the contact took place), and the calls and brief phone time checked out. As far as the opening of the e-mail she send him (I had to call after that message Friday), he swore he didn't call, e-mail, or IM her. I told him that it could have been done on a pay phone or through an anonymous e-mail account (all she said was message, not voice mail). He swore up and down that she is crazy and the only reason he spoke to her at all, is because he answered his cell.

Needless to say, he left his cell behind on his Golf Outing and he told me to have the number changed. I left it turned off today, it's at home charging, as soon as I get home I will call Verizon and have it changed.

Here's my confusion - could FOW really be that mental? I know we all want to believe our WSs, but c'mon. I had such a restless night, so many possibilities running through my head.

My gut is to "go with it". 1) He told me about the contact before I could confront anything. 2) He wasn't upset in least when he knew I was in his AOL and read (and deleted) her e-mail. 3) He was perfectly OK with having his cell number changed. 4) FOW sent the e-mail to his AOL and NOT his work e-mail or blackberry, which leads me to believe that she DOES NOT have his work contact. 5) He IS willing to send another NC letter eventhough he told her yesterday to stop.

I just wonder if some FOP really stay in their fantasy world and project their wishes into some sort of reality? Even though she hasn't tried to see him physically, is there a way I could get a restaining order for phone/e-mail contact?

Mimi, I just don't know.

~Christine

Christine:

Busy this morning but wanted to get back to you..

Sounds great from your H's point of view...You guys seem to be working TOGETHER

That stupid, conniving HO..of course, she is in HOT PURSUIT..she is like a DRUG DEALER and he needs to continue to team up with you on keeping her away from him..

YOU BOTH can do this TOGETHER..She is no match with the CHRISTINE AND HUBBY TEAM....

Only thing left is ANOTHER NC LETTER.....ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY!!

MAKE SURE ALL AVENUES ARE CLOSED!!!!

Remember, though, withdrawal for him starts again with each contact with her...

HE CANNOT BE NICE TO HER AT ALL!!!

Her damn openeing line on the e-mail is just stuck in my head "had to call after that message on Friday". ARG! If the e-mail was only send to FWH then why would feel the need to fabricate anything? If he truly is innocent, she would know that she was lying to him....she didn't know that I would be intercepting it.

Just a psychotic excuse for her to call him?

GET OUT OF MY HEAD

~Christine

He may very well have contacted her BUT he is really TRYING to beat this.

This is why I truly believe that it is an ADDICTION.

I get the sense that your WH wants to be with you and truly LOVES YOU but remains ADDICTED to her.

From what my H has told me, BEATING THIS ADDICTION IS SO HARD!!!

That's why it's sometimes necessary even to move away which is what we are even thinking about doing after almost THREE YEARS of NC...

SO THE HARD WORK OF RECOVERY CONTINUES....

Another NC LETTER.. EXTRAORDINARY PRECAUTIONS as recommended by the Harleys...

YUCK! YUCK! YUCK!..I know...

(((Mimi)))

My own personal angel. You ROCK!! Sometimes I'm just so focused on myself, I tend to forget the hard work that FWH has to do too. As a matter of fact, Sunday night he made a comment about his will power...but he's also about 3 weeks into quit smoking, so I just applied it to that. Staying clear of FOW takes will power, and just as much work as fighting the nicotene.

Thanks, again, Mimi - you are fabulous!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

~Christine

With childlike excitement and joy, I write this post. Last night was so uplifting, I never thought it would have felt soooo good. I called Verizon and FWH's cell number is finally changed!!! WooooooHooooo <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I know it should have happened off the bat, but it didn't. He was/is finally onboard with all the changes that need to take place for STRICT NC to happen.

I just explained to him, again, that I'm not looking for him to hate FOW or be mean to her. Cutting off all of her avenues is the only way we can truly recover and restore our M. Another NC letter will be sent, I've laid out the MB format for how it should go. If he gets it done while he's on his golf trip, there will be a cc:(my aol account, or if he can't get to a computer we will work on it after he gets back.

I feel like a ton has been lifted of my shoulders, back, chest, brain...... I know there is still work and emotion to go through, but it really puts me at ease to know she can't send a random text or try to call.

Happy Friday <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

~Christine

EXACTLY!!!



Like I told ya, TIME AND PATIENCE...TIME AND PATIENCE..and of course, FAITH...



YEP.. (Nodding my head in COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING)...

And isn't it wonderful that you are working on this as a TEAM...

I'm so proud and happy for "my girls" today!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />