If you know the D is being processed, then you don't have to stay with plan B any longer. (though it might be easier on your emotions.)

I don't believe it would break plan B to send him his own stuff anyway. While you are at it, find everything you want to get rid of, (that is his) and sent it all at once.

Keep the note short.
"I belive these things belong to you, so I am sending them along."

I think you should keep any cash you find in the bedside table. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

SS

You got class Pep.

SS

YEZZZZZZZZZ

and I was snarking .... um ... I mean I was thankin' .... put some EXTRA items into his stuff ....

use your imagination

Pep

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

you would not say this if you knew the "extra" items I was thinking about suggesting she add to his box !!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

you would not say this if you knew the "extra" items I was thinking about suggesting she add to his box !!!!!!!!


That's why I said it. I wouldn't have thought of it.

SS

Thanks, guys.

I know D should probably mean the end of Plan B, but I'm not ending it. This is it for me. I require this peace. It may be guilt, or it may be that The Dodo simply brings out the worst in him, but I CANNOT have a relationship - any relationship - with him while she is in the picture. If he does not want me, fine. He doesn't GET me, in any shape or form. If not as his wife, partner, and passionate best friend, this is it. I will not be his buddy. I will not be his "fix" for history and familiarity. I will not be his co-parent (why would he start wanting to co-parent our children NOW after 18 years?). And I will most certainly not be his whipping girl, ever again. He can live his fantasy. He can come off like a ham out of some melodrama, "Ooooh I love her, but this is what is best. It hurts, but our marriage just can't be." He can pretend that one day we can put this behind us and be friends. He's right, we will one day put it behind us (and I am currently working VERY hard on forgiving him, for my own sake and that of the children), but we will never be friends.

RT- I am so sorry for your pain...this is a very difficult road and when you have no control (or little control) it is an absolute hellish train ride...

I offer my story as one of the impossible ones, one I would never believe as fact, unless I lived it.

I offer it as an example...My Xw, now FWW, and I began to reconcile and then recover, after our divorce was ancient news and I had actually begun to move on. I was happy, but attached with someone else, so I assumed the worst with xw...my point was "SEND ME WAS OK!!"...and you will be too. I wish that I had this palce in my darkest hours...which were not after D-day, they were before, during and after my divorce.....lean on us...we're here... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

RT - lurking on your thread and am compelled to offer something.

This



To me is fantastic. And though I don't know you or know what it is to be where you are I read it and saw that you WILL be OK. Good for you to have your house SO in order.

(((((((((())))))))))

Thanks, MDC. I'm glad you think so, because I have actually been called "hard" for this attitude, and a couple of people here have even said that a perpetual Plan B is pointless. I think it might be pointless as far as getting my lovely H back, but it's not pointless as far as maintaining my peace and moving on without too much further damage. He will probably continue to think I'm giving him the silent treatment, or punishing him (or as he calls it, "abuse") but he's beside the point now.


Send Me, thanks SO much for contributing to my thread. I have read your story and always thought it was amazing. You most definitely ARE a case where there's been recon after a D, and it's wonderful to know there are cases like yours out there. I don't know of any cases here, and think that it's because D isn't such a quick thing here. With 12 months separation, it's more likely that people who divorce will stay divorced. I don't know... I don't want to come across as a sad sack, or negative, but I also have to look at the facts. The biggest fact for me is that my WH has burnt SO many bridges. He has justified himself to the nth degree, has vilified my character to whoever would listen, and revised our history to such an extent that I don't see him turning back on this. See - he's got such a public face, that I don't see him doing an about-face in public. Forgive the wordplay, but you know what I mean? But I take your main point: "SEND ME WAS OK!" I will be OK too. I know I will. It's just getting from this point here to that point there that'll be the challenge.

I feel much better today. I emptied out all WH's bedside drawers and that made me feel good, even though the contents were highly personal and a lot of it sentimental (ie. cards the kids gave him for Father's Day, baby teeth, etc.). My sister was aghast that he didn't take this stuff with him and it's still there over a year later. She said, "It either speaks about where his priorities now, or it speaks about him wanting to still have his stamp on the bedroom you used to share." Either way, it is OUT. I've put it all in a big bag, and will put it on the verandah for him to pick up when he drops off S11 on the weekend.

Then I wrote him a letter in readiness for when I receive the D papers. Basically it says that I will not sign the papers since it will go against everything I believe, and that D does not mean the end of no-contact for me. If the OW is in his life forever, then I am out of it forever. Writing this made me feel REALLY good. I don't want to receive these papers, but I kinda wish I could send him the letter now!

Well, I don't know what Pep was thinking of telling you to put in the box, but I think an empty condom box and a few empty condom wrappers might be a nice touch. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hmmm...maybe a half-empty bottle of erotic massage oil, too.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Seriously, I can understand your remaining in Plan B. Who would want to be friendly with someone who stabs you in the back? Plan B means that you don't have to deal with his crap. Plan B means peace for you. Peace is a good thing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Doggie doo-doo?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hi RT,

So sorry to hear the news. I have to say one of my lowest lows was when I actually received the papers in the mail. I just wanted to quit and die. If only it were that easy.

You know many times I think to myself, if only I could see the future. If I knew things would turn around and we would be back together, I could handle these things so much better now. If I knew he would never be back, I could shut down and move on. But I also realize that that is the whole point. You cannot know the outcome because you need to go through the unknown, face it, and come out the other side a different person. If we knew the outcome, we wouldn't change and grow - that is the whole point of this ugly mess in the big scheme of life.

I also want you to know that my WH filed D papers immediately. We were divorced 6 months later. He was/is tortured the whole time and wishes it never happened. He is still torn enough that he is not sure we could go back to being together and I think he sometimes thinks it would be easier to go forward with OW. However, he is just as hurt as we are. I guess my point is, emotionally - it's never over. You can always remarry - who knows what the future holds? It may even hold a new Mr. RT that you couldn't possibly forsee right now.

Hugs.
S.