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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,300
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OP
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,300 |
can anyone tell me more specific detailson Plan A, or where I can go to get more information on it?
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 948
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 948 |
Maybe this will be helpful...
The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A from Pepperband
The carrot of Plan A
Meeting your wandering spouse's emotional needs.
Making "home" a warm and inviting place to be.
Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.
Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking.
Stop lovebusting behaviors.
Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.
Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.
Remaining open to the possibility of recovery.
Offering forgiveness and understanding.
The stick of Plan A
Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.
Not appologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.
Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.
Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.
Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.
Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financal security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.
Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slayed for the good of the family.
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Plan A is both a *carrot* and a *stick*.
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BW 43 me
FWH 39
M 1992; DD 18. 13
OC 8-05 - no contact
In recovery 8 years
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 118
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 118 |
I understand and follow plan A.....
Here is the carrot stuff I have been doing for quite some time......
From what i know of her(13+ yrs) I am meeting her emotional needs
The home is warm and inviting, she had to leave it
never wants to work on marriage or talk about it
I am self improving but she tries to beat me down.
Stopped all the Love busters and she has complained that now i stopped all the "other" things
I am trying to communicate but it is not working
I always get that saying " what is her problem why is she not going to work it out"
I am totally open to recovery
I have forgiven and understanding but she doesn't care
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