MrsWondering~
I wish my wife could read the advice you just gave.
This sounds a lot like my situation. My wife is home but can't find feelings for me either. She is really struggling with her emotions and what to do about them. My thoughts have been that NO CONTACT from the OM must be the first step for anything else good to happen at home.
It sounds like you have first hand experience of being in that aweful place of being stuck between two men.
Another thing you said really stands out to me. The part about the relationship being in fantasyland. It appears to be clear to you now that the relationship was not really that good. Are there anything that can be done to help a woman see that there feelings that are real are actually based on what you call fantasy.
In other words how can a woman stuck see her way out of the mess she is stuck in? Any idea's that could help my wife figure out her emotions and feelings that are really mixed up?
It seems that choosing which way to go for a person stuck between there spouse and other person is so unbelieveably hard and painful to do. Almost like an addiction. I say this because you used the words with drawl. Is an affair really like an addiction? Can you give some advice how to find that clarity for both spouse that is stuck and hurting as well as the spouse that is trying to help find a loving marriage again?
I take it that you did return home to your husband. If so how are things now?
Thank You!
btw~ both me and my wife have access to use the same user name. I hope she will read this and maybe even comment.
Mr. Never...
I started this thread for you so that you could get the benefit of advice from all the other wise posters around here, and also so that we wouldn't be threadjacking rprynne's thread...
Yep, your instincts are dead on...I don't know how much you've read on this site, but YES, NO CONTACT is essential...without it, you would be forced to eventually give up...Please get and read
Surviving An Affair and
His Needs, Her Needs Also, here is a link to a post by Longhorn with some collaboration from my husband, Mr. Wondering
For Newly Betrayed Spouses Yes, also to affairs being like addictions...VERY, VERY, TRUE...I could not agree with this more...as does the very wise Dr. Harley...And they are also HUGE FANTASYLANDS...think about it, affairs are relationships devoid of the problems of everyday life...a lot like high school relationships truly...
On getting your wife to see all this...hmmm...well, for me, being here on MB was HUGE...I began reading the stories here and little by little I saw just how very "cookie cutter" that affairs are...talk about egg on your face...All WSes initially believe that their situations are so UNIQUE...NOT...They also talk about the legendary "closure"...a complete MYTH!!! Having your wife post here would also be great...now when she says "foggy" things, we WILL give her "2 x 4's"...but I will tell you that I have learned much more from the 2 x 4's that I received here than the "atta girls", in the beginning that's just the way it works...(*Also, I can tell you from experience that it will be much better for the two of you to have separate posting names, Mr. W and I did that in the beginning too...but you both can't be logged in and posting at the same time-and that's a pain...Also, it usually works best if you both have separate threads and don't comment on each other's because emotions run high here and it can get you in trouble...)
Mr. Never, post your story and let myself and others comment and do what we can to help you...stuff like who was the affair with, for how long, is it still going on, has it been exposed(do others know), how did you find out, do you guys have children, how many, what are their ages, how long have you been married...etc...
And yes, Mr. W and I are very much still married and most definitely view ourselves as a MB Success Story-Things Are Amazing, thanks for asking! Here is the link to some of my stuff from the very beginning (there's a bunch more that I would have to look for and I will if you'd like)
Mrs. W's First Thread to give you some idea of how far that we've come-where I was ain't pretty, I warn you, but it's most definitely NOT who I am today...there is much hope to be had Mr. Never, welcome to Marriage Builders...I'm glad you're here...
Mrs. Wondering
