I am having sex lots w/husband, playing tennis almost daily, talking , sleeping in same bed, talking fun things...still check daily cell messages..talks to OW mor,noon, night...emails I can't see what but I know he is doing it. Do I talk with single OW again, as I know he lies to her about not being with me or what. This has been knowledge to all 3 of us since 4/12, A started Feb W/coworker. I am only married 2.5 years how long for plan A.
help me...

husband just called to say he loves me and he is checking in,thanks me for taking his son to school. I feel sick inside and I am still trying to take care of self.No future plans can't think straight. Need someone to think for me.

i called OW she said she is not having sex with him, but at my WH is not telling her that he is working on marriage.He is telling her he loves her, wants to marry her took his 7 year old son to meet her and her mom. She said if I want to talk seriously to call in 1/2 hour. I am shaking and sweating. I knew all of this. He is a serial WH I believe. With me this is the first A after 2.5 years married. With ex-wife just lots of A just found out. Same with other mother of 12 year old, she never married him.how to stop cycle.

Update husband came home after drinking in town. I went out with two good friends to dinner and listen to music as we live in a music art town, so wed nite is busy. He called my cell from hm, I did not answer. I came home he was in bed, I knew he would be grouchy, he was. OW called him and ****** him out I presume as I told her that we were still having sex, living together and working on marriage. No sex for her she said and this drama pissed her off that I would call work place. WH now pissed at me I just loved him and watched my peas and ques. These WS all do the same stuff. amazing. This morning and all night holding me loving me. Me ...I know it's fense time so I keep on keeping on...Maybe she ended it and he's in withdrawel cuz he's walking with his head down. we'll see.

Plan A is about being authentic...living in truth, GS...

Have you exposed to his boss? Family? Her family? Yours? Plan A is working on yourself...and why you chose to believe he wouldn't cheat on you...

Why are you having sex with him, risking STDs? Part of owning your choices and actions is not putting yourself at risk for horrible stuff...Plan A is loving yourself well, doing a lot of self-care you didn't before...and being honest and open.

You are keeping a timeline like I did...I was obsessive over every contact...each move and lie. I understand. You're not alone...what is your plan, really?

Did you know him when he was divorcing before? When he spoke of his past infidelities, did he own them and why? What you choose to believe is yours...his truth is over there...in him. You are not disrespectful by choosing not to believe him.

Have you been practicing listen and repeat? Keeping your focus on you and not speculating on him? Eliminating your LBs...knowing all of them...their payoff to you and why you give yourself permission to do them? How about making your own standards to choose from, instead of choosing to react to whatever he is doing or saying?

LA

When I met my H he told me he was single and had two small children from a previous marriage. He lived in a house with another male roommate. He had been seperated for 2years and close to the final disolution. After 6 months we began to live together. We lived together for a year. Kids(now12,7)his. Mine 30,27,25. 3 grandchildren 75 9mo. We lived had the kids over 4 days one week 3 days the next. Great fun and life. After 2.5 years dating we married. Now we have been together5 years.
Sex with husband is something I love and need. it's great, (other woman is EA cuz of some problem. I spoke with her she said she is not sleeping with him. This one I do believe.She only believes in sex after marriage joke huh, but you can chat up a married man. I am in a solid plan A for 3 weeks now.I'm nice, house is cleaan, we go dancing , talk etc. She sees him at work different towers. I met her and she explained that she did not know he was married and he is so handsome, and has a way with words. She told me she loved him and wanted to marry him,(3weeks into A)She said they do not have sex, but talk alot and are soul mates that belong together.
Plan A for me is be nice, keep playing tennnis with my husband as we compete in tournaments. Listen to him, talk with him nicely when he calls from work and such.I have lost 20lbs, look good now for summer.I take classes and stay busy. We talk 3 to 4 times during the day.He comes home early alot and all the time for dinner at 6.I am loving him the best way I know how, strong, kind and sexual.

Oh, GS...the no sex before marriage OW? I had that one...WH slept with her on their second date...was a PA the whole time he said it wasn't...

Loving sex with your WH more than you love your health isn't a good sign, GS...think on this. You are dealing with two people in an affair...and all his other affairs were physical, weren't they?

I denied and couldn't face my WH in a PA...He didn't come clean about the PA until a month after recommitting to the marriage and three weeks of no contact.

From your answer, I hear you saying no exposure...you aren't telling anyone of his A--you're conspiring to keep it secret...relying on a woman who knows your WH is married and is still in contact with him...is that correct?

LA

I exposed my WH to my family and friends, he has no family hasn't seen nor spoken to them in 13 years. He basically has no male friends except our family friends. He is a contract laboror until July then he must take another job. If I expose him at work, I will have no money nor health insurance and I'm sick. please advice. (both say no physical affair_

Exposing to her family, friends?

How open and honest are you in your marriage? Do you make statements using "I feel" and "I believe"?

What have you learned about your own ENs, his, and LBs?

How are you doing with not believing the soul mates routine? Have you discovered this standard line...and how this is a fantasy your WH is in, not real?

What other addictive behaviors does he have?

LA

I do not know anything about her except she has a mother and that her mother has met my WH and his 7 year old son at a pizza place one sun afternoon. (step-son told me)I do not believe that her mom knows WH is married. Also they work in a very secure company. She 21 years, he just contract to hire for 6 months(ending july)you cannot approach the building without security knowing and everyone stopping you. not even the parking structure.I am open and honest in my marriage. Last night I said I feel that for our marriage to have a shot in ****** to go anywhere NC must be adhered to. He agreed, said even though they are "just friends" he needs to concentrate on job, taxes owed(back taxes we are going to court over from 1st wife)and reducing stress. I just listened as it's all bull---- to me. His phone pc broke and he cannot re-charge and so he told me to call and order him a new one since I own the family account all 5 of our phones are on. I did not even answer, it was so dumb to me. He calls her obsesively throughout the day. as I check the computer and it shows up almost immediatly. He knows I check and he is in a fog and does not care. She knows , we are married I told her we are trying to work on marriage. She is 40 single, and is loving the attention. I don't believe anything that comes out of his mouth to me regarding what his plans are. I just go about my business and be happy. He is trying to flirt with me and kiss on me and generally be happy I just let it go and ingage. I am 2 months into Plan A. I have lost 15 lbs, I play tennis at a competitive level, I am cute, loving and smart. I do not yell and scream but when I feel boundaries are way out I calmly say I do not allow lying and dishonestly to enter our house so drop the bull---- and act like a grown up.
I see him starting to smoke which he did 2 cig, a day but never in front of me. Now he sits outside and smokes it does not matter when. I feel he is depressed, and in withdrawel. He does not meet this woman, as he never leaves home but to go to work. Never on weekends, and weekdays he comes home around same time and talks to me on the phone during the ride home. Hard to figure. She gives him the addiction he must need. Ideas anyone... for further push.