My husband has had an affair with his high school sweetheart. After ten years of communication she has finally broken off with him...after he told her he would not leave his marriage for her. That was seven months ago. He is still in withdrawal. The addiction began way before we met....he once proposed to her and she said no....he has not gotten over that yet. I have followed the advice of Dr. Harley but am concerned that he still is depressed and has desires to communicate with her. This is even after months of my being attentive, meeting his needs, going on a wonderful trip to celebrate outr 25th anniversary, and many honest talks. What am I missing? Is there any hope?

How did you find out?

26V...

Your H has used his HS sweetheart as a fantasy for a decade...it isn't and wasn't real. Until he finds within himself all the payoffs for him choosing that fantasy, he won't let it totally go...

Is he in IC? MC? I believe he may have been using this fantasy to block his fear of intimacy with you...because he cares so greatly about you...

Takes time...I believe it is proportionate, loosely, to the length of the A...to rid yourself of an addiction, to see reality when you've been glazed over with fantasy...

You're not missing anything...what you describe, do you mean you've eliminated LBs? I know that getting safe with WH made a world of difference...I removed judgment, listened and repeated, we did communication exercises...because he used fantasy his whole life as a distraction, to soothe, comfort, reward, indulge and feel safe in.

When I became safe and remained safe...which benefited me because then I was safe for MYSELF, also...life changed. Drastically.

Hope? Always.

You're whole...you're not missing anything. You're choosing to love...

LA