Does anyone have any creative ways to find alone time with their spouse. We have two kids and not enough fund for 15 hours a week X $5 hour baby sitter. H is working more hours at work and needs to go to bed early. We haven't spen dmore than 1 hour together alone in two weeks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I am feeling distant!

Neighbors all are heavy smokers that I don't want to leave kids with. My family lives 1 and half hours away. My dad is getting old and has trouble keeping kids too long.(patience)

Have some great babysitters, but no cash.

Other parents I have tried to switch babysitting with don't want to.???


help

how many hours does your hubby work? My son had a life threatening diseas, and now is dealing with recovery from a liver transplant, so we never left him with anyone. . . ever... for almost five years now.

We manage to get a couple hours every night by putting our son to sleep a couple hours before we sleep.

Know anyone else that has kids too? How about watching their kids sometimes in exchange for them watching yours? No money involved.

thanks you are right, you maybe just unlocked the key to our problems. I think that may have been a big problem in the marriage before the A too, now that I think of it. He says that I never appreciated all that he has done for me.

I like the idea of writing down all the nice things that he does, maybe I will appreciate him more.

You keep saying that you are not in recovery. When does someone finally start recovery?

Oh and about the perfect thing, I like the idea that MB says you can have a better marriage so I guess I had in my mind- perfect.

I always put my boys to bed at 7:30 when they were young. I read to them and then let them "read" - they had lots of picture books (50 cents each at garage sales). There was never a fight about going to bed, and they usually fell asleep in about 15 minutes.

My husband and I always had a relaxing evening to ourselves, and my boys learned to love books.

cfc,
How old are your kids?
Ours are 10 & 12 and we are teaching them the importance of alone time for mom & dad.
At least once a week we tell them "It's date night!" and they go to their rooms early. They can read, color, whatever but no interrupting us (OK, works MOST of the time but with repeated nights, they get used to it) and we get to spend some time alone.
We don't go OUT a lot...we live far from relatives and in a very rural area so we make our own dates at home.
Light candles, play music, watch a movie, play Scrabble...whatever.
If yours are younger, I know how hard it can be.

I am like you - no alone time = disconnection.
It's very important to my M that we have one on one time to do anything (except talk about the house, jobs, or kids)
It takes effort - but anything worth doing does!

Cfc, when my kids were that young Barney was the lifesaving video. My brother bought one for my oldest son and the criteria for choice was which video had the longest running time.

I know Barney might not be the no.1 choice, teletubbies? My youngest is 6 now so I'm a little out of the toddler loop.
Anyways, the point is, at least you can cram a good discussion into this time period then off to early bedtime(for them, well as you wish, maybe for you too) and a nice quiet evening with the emotionally taxing discussion already behind you.

If I remember any other pointers I'll let you know. Good luck.

Sure here is a way for alone time and it actually saves you time.

We take showers together. No SF just a shower. I wash her back she washes mine. We both need showers and we can now take a longer shower because we are both in there at the same time. Heck I am a conservationist!!!!

We also take the kids to the park to play. They play we sit and watch them and talk. Depending on the park sometimes we walk around and they are always a mile ahead of us. Free again. I am a naturalist!!!!

My kids now go to bed at 8:30 every night so we have alone time. No more please let us stay up crap in my house. I am the master of my domain( my wife gave me permission to say that) There is an hour we never had before.

We play games together too. I always win though so now she doesn't want to play as much.

When he comes in have him sit down in front of you and massage his back and ask how his day was. That 5 minutes will feel like an hour to him.

I catch a lot of good-natured teasing around here for it, but most of our alone time (and a goodly portion of the SF) takes place in the bathroom. We hide from the kids in there, talk, laugh, look at stuff on the laptop, shower together and run bubbles down each other's backs, once in a while if the kids are actually asleep and not just running amok, we will take bubble baths together, we wash each other's hair, and just spend time babying each other.

We hardly ever get 'out', but neither one of us minds it because we enjoy each other's company wherever we are. And even though it cuts into my sleep, on the days when he has to go to work super-early, I get up with him, shower with him, fix his lunch, and smooch him thoroughly as he leaves. Then I go back to bed, and he goes off to work feeling cared for. Perhaps not everyone has the luxury of doing that, but for us it has been really good.

I am all in favor of free stuff!

I wouldn't expect all 15 hours to require a babysitter. We put the kids to bed early so we get a couple of hours every evening. It helps if you are totally consistent about the time they go to bed. Every night the same time, no negotiation. What about weekends? Does he work weekends too? Sometimes we'll serve the kids dinner and then go off to our room to eat. You get interrupted once in a while there.

Hmm you can't really leave a 2year old to fend for themselves for too long. But you can put those two to bed even earlier than we can get away with :-)

I like the shower idea!

I have plenty of them!!!
I am very romantic.

I give the wife nice long baths with candles and music then a full body massage. It's an hour we both enjoy.

I think the point I am trying to make on some of this is it isn't just about quantity it is about quality as well. I would rather have 10 really good hours like the showers and massages then 15 hours that we are just going through the motions.

Having kids makes it tough but like neak the bathroom can be a sanctuary.

give the rugrats benadryl @ 8:30

wait 30 minutes

put rugrats to bed

light candles

play music

picnic on the floor

play the game where one writes a word on the other's back and you have to guess what it was

play cards

do each other's hair/nails

wear hats

switch clothing with each other

just act silly

Pep

Feed kids early, but to bed....wine and dine out the back or on the patio or anywhere you choose..just somewhere different than the family table.

Run a bath for your husband, and bath him ( very powerful stuff)..a few candles ,a glass of wine and his favourite cd.

Stick a note on the tv..."turn me on instead'"

Snickers bar on his pillow with a note...'You'll need the energy.'

Moonlit picnic in the backyard.

Choose a movie to watch together a week before, get some treats in and let the kids know in advance...its grown up time.

Teach your children....what a do not disturb sign is and to knock before entering the room your in.

If your husband has to go to bed early...go with him , but give him a massage..you just may get one in return.

Do a crossword together after dinner.


Find a new recipe you would both like and shop and cook it together...


Max

Thanks for all of the great ideas. I expecially like the massage times and Baths! My favorite. I should try waking up with H when he gets up, but it is soooo hard to wake at 3:00am! Especailly since I have been sick for about a month- that's what I get for teaching Pre-k and K. I printed out all of your suggestions and plan on implementing them.

the problem now is that H doesn't seem to want to do anything at all. He has barely even said good-night to me this week. He has been working over time, coming home and working job#2 (which is optional), then coming home eating dinner, reading to kids, and going to bed. He plans on doing the same tonight. oops, that is an entirely new problem.

go to the park...let kids run around and the two of you sit on a blanket and talk!

if he shower's...sit in the bathroom with him and talk to him while showering!

Me and my husband has two tv's and we wait till close to bedtime and we put in a movie in and they watch in their room we lay out sleeping bags and they love it.

If job#2 is optional, perhaps its time for a chat.

Let him know your concerns and how you feel.

Speak in the 'I' statements.

Perhaps you could run him a bath and approach him about this whilst he is relaxed?


Max

Job#2 is optional and so was job#3 this winter in which he met OW who targeted him knowing he was a married man and asked him to join them after work (I'm not disgruntal or anything can you tell?) BOth job #2 and Job#3 were suggested by a friend of his who he owns job#2 with my H. I'd love to get rid of job#2, Job#3, FOW, and buddy who didn't know anything was going on (yeah right)! Of course this is not my choice. H says thatI am too controlling he enjoys time on his own including job#2, JOB#3 and complaining that he doesn't have time to do anythign he wants to do. Makes one want to rip their hair out. I am sorry i am a little on edge- too much cold medicine.


What do you think about quitting job#2 even if we really need the money? -

In the big scheme of things its not important of what I think...its how you feel.

If you feel job#2 is too expensive ( draining on your marriage) then priorities need to be discussed with your husband.

The more we earn, the more we spend.

have you tried to sit down crack some numbers and see how you could manage without job#2?

Max