Hi...I'm new to this forum and find it informative.

I read a dated chain of postings from 2002 titled "Alimony in NJ" but would like some recent information about permanent alimony awards and how they are determined.

I was married in 1991.
Filed for divorce in Jun 2004.
Divorced in Nov 2005.
2 children, now 11 and 13.
Now, waiting for arbitration date

I was the primary provider for the family. My ex stayed at home with the children until 1997. Between 1997 and 2002 she had a couple full-time jobs but quit because she couldn't handle the stress from the jobs.

During the divorce, mediation failed because ex was uncompromising.

We went through a custody evaluation during Jan-Apr 2005. Ex was found to be alienating the children from me. Children have not spoken to me since Apr 2005. I mean we speak, but they do not regard me as their father or anyone they wish to be with. Now, children and I are in therapy to restore our relationship, but I do not have high hopes that things will be the same.

The real reason for the divorce was ex's racist and bigotted views of my culture, and her desire to keep the children away from it and my family. I'm Indian and Hindu, and she is Taiwanese and Christian.

The custody evaluator recommended a parenting plan that says about 50/50 and joint custody.

Ex has been working as a programmer since 2004 earning about 70K. I was also a programmer earning about double her income at the time of divorce. I lost my job in Jan 2006 and now earn a little more than she, but I am a consultant and have to buy my own benefits.

We both have graduate degrees in electrical engineering from good universities. We both are in our early 40's.

Is permanent alimony justifiable in this situation? Ex's lawyer is vigorously going after it based upon my previous income. My first lawyer was trying to warm me up to the idea because the marriage was over 10 years long. The case law behind permanent alimony was based upon a stay at home mom and husband with a very high income. This is not the same as my situation.

My new lawyer does not think permanent alimony is warranted because ex earns enough to support herself but perhaps not in the current house. I tried getting a new job that paid as well as before but couldn't after 3 months of interviewing.

Thanks for your opinions.

Skesh - in my area permanent alimony would not be awarded. You're in a different state, but what's interesting is my ex-wife's attorney filed a claim for permanent alimony anyhow. Maybe your ex's attorney has done the same; make an outrageous claim to further the dispute.

Remember that permanent alimony can't be modified like child support could be, as the circumstances change. So I heartily recommend you also "put a stake in the ground".

The bifurcation was a mistake on her part - she wants something from you, but you're already divorced. You could simply turn uncooperative and drag things out, but minimize your costs while doing so. If you don't like this new lawyer, then release him/her. That way the ex spends legal fees, while you don't. You can get another lawyer if and when it goes to court.

You also need to dig in on the custody. That alienation won't go away by itself...

Good luck.

Hi skesh,

I'm certainly not well versed on the subject of alimony. Sounds like it could go either way in your case, what with one attorney feeling it could happen and the other thinking not.

Divorcenet.com has links to each state's divorce law; have you visited that site? Might find some valuable information there.

If alimony can't be changed, it may be okay so long as it's based on your current income. Obviously, today's job climate is radically different from 3 years ago. Companies are still sore from layoffs and would rather use "external resources" in order to avoid hiring and firing. The good news is as you build up a repuation you might come out ahead.

From my Divorce support group days, I haven't heard of permanent alimony in NJ in a while even from those who had long term (30+ year) marriages. Rehabilitative is the norm now in NJ and typically lasts only 3-5 years. Since she's already in the workforce, she likely won't stand a chance.
She may, however, get CS because the kids refuse to spend time with you (even though the evaluator said 50/50). The kids at their ages may have input into custody.
That may become your issue, you may end up paying more in CS than in alimony.

There are many individuals who try to find a lower paying job to hurt their spouse. If you can prove you've been searching for a good, new job, that should not be held against you.

Good luck.

In response to: tmmx

I have been doing exactly as you suggested. Since losing my job in Jan 2006, I put arbitration on hold, made a good faith effort to find an equally paying job, kept meticulous records, fired my first lawyer (who was pushing me to accept permanent alimony), remained pro se for 4 months, didn't respond to any letters from my ex's lawyer, moved into an investment condo that we owned, took half of the furniture from the house, and don't respond to my ex unless she is polite and congenial. I must have saved a few thousand dollars during this time.

I can't believe how much a contentious divorce can cost. 20 years of savings are gone. That was the children's college money, and my ex doesn't care. She took a kamikazi approach to this divorce and now whines and complains about expenses.

The good thing is that this 4 month hiatus has allowed time to show that my ex can reasonably support herself on her 70K income. So we should be able to just sell the properties and move on.

Anyways...thanks for your reply.

To those of you outside of NJ, in most areas, $70,000 is not an income on which you can live. MAny areas with good jobs are in high demand based on proximity to a major city, either NYC or Philly. So while these salaries may sound high, it is really hard to make it here, while raising 2 kids. Property taxes are probably more than many other people make for their house payments.

I'm sure your wife is just now realizing how expensive it can be in this area, which is why she is seeking alimony. She's used to a particular standard of living, and that lifestyle cannot be supported in two home.

Good luck.

My divorce was final in 2003 and I was awarded permanent alimony (25+ year marriage).

I also live in NJ but my job situation is/was not the same as yours and your ex. I am in college full time and should be finished in 1 year and shouls double my current salary. My X thinks that when I am done with school he will be able to drop the alimony but it doesnt work that way and I will fight it. I would have been earning that much many years ago if he wasnt abusing me. I have many years of salary before I consider it fair.

I am engaged but I am not in a hurry to be married..not because I want to rip off my X, but I dont think I am going to rush it as I had such a bad first. I need to finish healing, becoming the person I was before I was so abused, finish my schooling, and decide where my fiance and I will be 5 years from now, etc

my fiance also has a couple more years of child support himself, so him quitting his job and moving here is also not an option.

and X isnt happy about that. Oh well, that's the way he bounced the ball

cant help you any more than that other than to tell you that I and several other people I know have been awarded permanent alimony in NJ. Newly is right that most are awarded rehabilitative alimony, but permanent alimony is still very common.

good luck

In response to sunrise1

Thanks for your reply. Your situation sounds similar to the case upon which a 10+ year marriage was considered long-term and eligible for permanent alimony.

i.e. long term marriage (25 years), dependent spouse unable to maintain same standard of living as during marriage, etc.

So, I can understand the judgement. Based upon my first lawyer's opinion, I've warmed up to the idea of permanent alimony, but I will still argue against it. For many months I felt there was some sort of colusion between my first lawyer, my ex's lawyer, and other attorneys who were brought in as Blue Ribbon Panelists. Their recommendations defied logic.

The panelists recommended permanent alimony based upon an income higher than what I had at the time. Despite having my pay stubs, they imputed an income to me that was almost 30% higher than what I earned. Of course I rejected their recommendation because it made no sense at all.