I entered my first post a few days ago, and should continue, but things change between us daily, so here goes.
First I want to say I appreciate anything and everything you guys can help with.
I am 34, play golf too much, two kids, and unhappy wife.
Reasons, common, NEGLECT. She did everything for the first 8 years of our marriage, Cook, clean, raise kids, and the kicker, went to functions without me, because I am not as social. We have been unhappy for about a year, no love life, fight all the time, and now that she is talking divore or at least seperation, I can't believe I didn't wake up and see what I have. It is not as bad as I am making it sound, but this is exactly what she thinks, I am not there for her emotionally. And I agree. I have moved next door to my mother's because she says she needs to think, and she can't do it with me there. Now we have been in a very bad spot for 3 weeks, so I have already told her 100 times, I will change, not to make you happy, but because I see that I have not been a good father or husband, and that is not what she deserves. She is now at the point that she has a friend with multiple rental properties and she is going to move the two boys and herself in there for a couple months, so that she can think without haveing to go through the trouble of dodging me.
There is so much more, and we have talked for hours, mostly crying and me asking her to stop, and give it one more chance and give me the chance to show her that I do want her life to be better, and I am committed to her. I truly believe I can because I want to. I am only worried that every day that she is away is one more day that it is easier to call it quits. I have in the last couple months started cleaning, cooking giving my kids more time, and I don't mind it at all. It makes me feel good to help her. She has noticed that effort, but she is hurting in her feelings, not hurting because I didn't clean. Now I am at a point where I can't show her actions because she is leaving temporarily - I HOPE. The other fear I have is that she will only think of the way we have been the last year and not how we have been for most of our marriage, not the way it will be if we, but mostly me make some changes. I would not come back if I thought only about the last year.
I am not including everything, and I have not been as bad as this may sound. It is just that she remembers alot of negative and not much of the positive. I need help.
Thank You

ryan..

you have to get really strong here....

the idea of moving your sons farther away from you right now is NOT the right thing to do...regardless of her wanting time alone..

THAT is a seperate issue from taking YOUR children from you....

actions like that confuse hurt and scare children...they can not understand the obnoxious crap that adults use like...

needing to find myself
needing to think...
etc...
those are bogus excuses for giving up....

she should be allowed to leave though you need to make it clear that is not even close to what you want...but the kids stay with YOU...

not off with flighty mom who can expose them to all kinds of crap while finding herself....

then you need to stop ALL relationship talk..and stop telling her you will/are changing ...and just change in actions....

it is hard....

but right now you have to appeal on the effect of her actions on the children...which are real and very serious...

seek legal counsel about blocking her from removing the children from the house....

and you should move back home TODAY so as not to be seen as abondoning them...

ARK

Ryan - get an attorney right away.


Move home today. "She can't think" is a ruse.

Is this friend a guy?

Once you're home, the boys go no where with her. This is why you need an attorney. If she wants to go, fine. You and the boys stay home.

All the while, you need to become a model citizen. Dedicate yourself to your family.

Under no circumstances do you let your WW take your kids. And two, if your WW wants separation, she leaves…ALONE. Go back home now.

The biggest mistake you could have made is to move out of your house.

Read the stories on this site, and you will understand better what we are trying to say to you.

Lastly, the claim of “wanting time alone to think” usually means wanting time to pursue an A unimpeded.

The biggest thing you need to do besides moving back home is to MAN UP. You are going to need it as you proceed with your situation.

I agree with UVA.

My WH said the same thing. He needed time to "think". Got his own apt. and now is living with OW in an A.

Do what these people are telling you. They are the pros.

kcsuprise,

If I had a nickel for each time I heard a person on this forum say their spouse wanted time apart to think, but wasn't having an affair... I'd have mucho nickels.

The plain and simple truth is she wouldn't be leaving if she had no motivation. She'd be happy that you decided to work on the marriage and yourself, even if she felt she was not completely in love with you anymore.

There is something pulling her out to where she can be away from your watch. Odds are it's an affair. Check her email accounts, check the cell phone records. Does she go out more often now? What is she doing when she thinks she's alone?

There is an answer here somewhere, you just need to find it.

KC,

As you can see from my registry date, I have been here many years.

Using the excuse "I need time alone ..." is a classic scripted excuse used by a married person who is in an affair.

If your wife isn't having an affair, she would be the first story I've read here in all those years that wasn't.

Its worth your time to snoop and know the truth.

Jo

You can tell her 100000000000000000000 times and it won't make any difference because that is not the TRUE problem. The REAL problem is that she is having an affair and needs you to get out of the way.

"Moving out to think" is code for moving out so I can carry on my affair unimpeded.

You are going to lose your wife unless you wise up and take control here. Stop crying and start SLEUTHING. Put a tap on your phone, hire a PI and get evidence of the affair. Once you know what is really happening here, we can help you. But if you persist in keeping your head in the sand and ignoring reality, we can't help you.