Hi, everyone! I've been around for a little while. D-day was 4-22/23-06, WH and I are making great efforts to make M work! Last night, we went on a wonderful date, and at the beginning we started talking about the A. Wh said that he knows that he needs to have NC with OW but it's hard to give up. Now, the PA, I was told ended in Dec., but OW still calls his cell at least once a week. H doesn't call her! I REALLY, REALLY need HELP figuring this out. How do I get WH to commit to NC? Granted, his head is still in the fog, but he is remorseful and I can tell he is sincere. Do not think that I trust him, I'm still looking for clues, and checking cell phone records! I truely think that she is calling him to get him in trouble with me. H doesn't seem to think so, but then again, he's not seeing things like he should! Right? I mean I called OW and she denied anything happening between the two of them. Then, she said that she would be calling H as soon as I got off the phone with her, she would be calling H to tell him that she didn't want any contact with him. Said she didn't even know we were having problems! Needless to say, she lied,(I'm so shocked!) and called him the next Monday! I've done all the exposing that I can, and can't use some of the ideas that I've come up with! For unlawful reasons!LOL

Anyway, please help with anything that you can think of! I can say this ...I'm not calling her again! It's pointless, as we all know!

Thanks in advance! I love my MB''s family! wishing you all the BEST!

^Bump^

Needingcomfort, you need to repeatedly communicate to your H how the continuous contact from the OW (and his unwillingness to tell her to stop) is affecting you. I think he doesn't really "get it" yet. Share all your feelings of pain; hurt; disappointment etc. regarding this matter with him. Explain to him that you, him and this M will not be able to recover until ALL contact with the OW stops completely and that HE is the one who need to tell her to stop. He can do this by sending her a NC-letter (signed and approved by BOTH of you). It’s important that you witness and agree on the contents of the NC-letter. Here are a view sample NC letters he can choose from or can use as a guideline to compose his own letter.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I looked into the links, they are wonderful! I really don't think H will write a NC letter! What does it take for him to "get it"? Is it something that I'm missing or a certain point that he must get to? I asked him Sat. night if there had been any contact since last Monday for less than a minute, and he said "No, you should know, I'm sure you've checked the cell record!" And surprise, he didn't get mad, or anything! I was shocked! I did ask about a phone that I wasn't sure of and he said it was a co-worker's wife looking for co-worker, who's phone is broken! I think just to be on the safe side, I might call her to check out story! thanks again for the help! It's greatly apprecaited!

""Wh said that he knows that he needs to have NC with OW but it's hard to give up.""

""but he is remorseful and I can tell he is sincere.""

How remorseful and sincere can he be if he is still having contact??!! You have oil and water here..they don't mix.

There are other ways to contact other than cell phones. That he is not getting mad that you check the cell phones makes me wonder if he has found another way.

"" I truely think that she is calling him to get him in trouble with me. H doesn't seem to think so,""

HE IS DEFENDING HER!!

Some harsh/tough love might be the order of the day. Your way or the highway.

IMHO

k

thank you, I will have to keep, my eyes open! Today is H's first day at new job location. I think that will help things. I asked him again today about contact with OW, he still says NO! I can account for all of his time away, except for work, which is reflected on his paycheck since D-day! Whereas in the past, I couldn't track him because he would get off early, around 4pm, instead of 7pm. He would go visit friends, OW, no telling! Now, he comes straight home, and has for months! Being that other woman was a bus driver, H would see her in the morning sometimes at the convenient store. She lived around the corner from where H worked. the reason I'm saying this is maybe someone can give me some insight into the other ways of contact. H spends lunch with me everyday and he builds winches and cranes, welds and fits them, not very easy access to a another phone. it's just my thoughts but the reason I said that I think he's sincere is because I've never seen H do and say some of the things he's been doing here lately with regards to the children, me, our M, EN's, etc. He doesn't get mad, like he has in the past when I question him. H also, says things like "I'm tarnished". referring to what he's done. H's never tried to met EN's before and H's really tring now! My gut instinct lead me to the discover and my gut instinct says that nothing is going on right now, but at the same time, I don't want to play the part of the fool.

Well, around here, we always say words are cheap. If his ACTIONS show that he is more devoted to the marriage, I wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. Work on making your marriage better, fulfilling each other's emotional needs, and enjoying life.

I would tell him that contact with the OW hurts you though.

Hello Needing,
I know the pain of what you are going through right now. I can safely say that any work toward a good M was not done until AFTER NC was established. Yes, we were going through the motions, but the thoughts that H had about his life changing, with OW, were still there; it seemed like he was resistant to truly coming back until he knew there was no hope of that new relationship. I know that sounds awful, and I had to put up with a lot of anger and pain, but we are honest now, and we are BOTH trying now. As long as he hears her voice, sees her emails or gets voice messages, there will be attachment to what is lost, however painful that is for you. He is, sort of, mourning. Hang in there, it does get better.

I'd write the pertiest little plan B letter...
I'd deliver it

then I would warsh my hands of the mess...

what else it there to do?

ARK

From what I understand from H, he never saw a life with her! He said alot of times he would go over there because there was no wife screaming at the kids, and no screaming kids. Since he said that I've changed me tactics on how I displine the kids, no yelling. I talk to them in a calm voice, I was raised in a family that always yelling even when they were just talking! H wasn't! He said that OW made him laugh and that she give him undivided attention, something I wasn't providing because the kids came first. well, now my M comes first, because if we're alright then the kids will be alright! H would do the same thing, we just never realized what we were doing to each other! H also said that he never wanted to be with her on a full time basic. He didn't want to lose his family, and everything that's we're worked so hard for. As bad as it may seem, he liked having his girlfriend and wife, but he's giving OW up because his family is more important.

There's been NC for a week now! I'm grateful for that! But I worry that there will be! It's like a crazy person inside of me saying "he's playing you for a fool! Don't believe what he says! Double check every word that comes from his mouth!"

Believer & Temp- I have seen a great big diffence in his actions. Just little things, domestic help, with the kids, with me, but there's always that crazy person inside! I'm sure you're familiar with that person! LOL

ARK- If I see that there's contact in the next week, I will have to do something extreme like that because I can't put up with contact with her! I'm hoping that the new job location and the fear of losing his family is enough! He knows I've been to the lawyer and that really set him off. From the last execise that we did together, I know that's his biggest fear! So, if I have to I will use that to my advantage!