I think I now know how my WW felt during the initial stages of her EA. As Send me on my way knows and lemmonman elluded to on my main thread, I've been developing feelings for a co-worker over the past several months. I feel confused! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Right now I have no indication that she has any feelings for me. I only know that I have allowed her to meet some of my EN's including: CONVERSATION, PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS and now AFFECTION.

Today she brought me a coffee after returning from lunch saying that she felt I could use a "pick-me-upper". She didn't bring anyone else a coffee...just me...and she remembered just how I like it...I was blown away. It might not seem like much to most here, but to me it was the most affection I've received from a member of the opposite sex in over a year. The fact that she actually thought about me on her lunch hour to buy and bring me a coffee triggered something inside of me. She is filling my LB$ .

One of my most important ENs is RECREATIONAL COMPANIONSHIP and I have discovered that she enjoys doing many of the things I like to do...things my WW never enjoyed doing.

Tonight my WW is out with her friends (that is what she said anyway) and I don't even miss her. I have had dreams about her (co-worker) for the past 3 nights in row. This is something that I just don't do...about anything.

I remember my WW taking deep breaths alot during the inital stages of her EA and PA. Now I'm doing the same thing and it's happening because I feel confused.

I'm going to work earlier and coming home later...just like my WW used to do.

It feels so good to feel this way. I know it's wrong, but I don't seem to care.

She is a wonderful woman and posseses many of the qualities that I look for in a significant other. I've know her for 18 months and have gotten to know her better over the last few months since we have been involved on the same projects.

I don't think I would take my WW back right now even if she begged to come back, where as a few months ago I was afraid to loose her.

I am expecting a ton of 2x4's from everyone here and to be perfectly honest I don't think I want to get off this slippery slope in the event I find out she's into me.

I don't even know why I'm posting this...maybe I want someone to say I deserve this, maybe I want someone to convince me it's wrong...I don't know.

This is so confusing... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Hope - read my story in my signature...and then walk away from the person at work. She may be wonderful and possess qualities you look for - but you are married...and you will regret this in the long run - you are saying NO different than your WW said in the beginning of hers...and you are justfiying that she has kinda left you and here's this woman...just like your WW probably did too - my marriage is loveless - so this is okay.

I think you are posting cause you want to hear it's wrong, cause you are loosing the ability to stop it on its own. Get out now - do it right...divroce your WW FIRST, heal, then meet a woman...

Post deleted by Cherished

You are wounded and your taker is starving for love like a fat man in the desert would starve for food.

Your chances of having a healthy relationship with this woman is -5%.

If one day your marriage ends and you heal from it, you will then be ready for a new relationship.

Just don't become a WS. Take a cold shower man...

dorry, I've read your "Recovery Giude for Wayward Wives" so many times that I now have it bookmarked. I always wished my WW would follow those guidelines and now it's ironic that after suffering through the worst year of my life, your guideline may end up applying to me.

I know your story (partially) and will read it over. I have read many of your posts and have a tremendous amout of respect for you dorry. I just find it odd that me the BS is now getting advice from you. I never expected this to happen.

Yes, I am trying to justify it...I won't deny that.


You hit it right on the head! I am loosing the ability to stop this. Mr. Wondering called it a slippery slope and now I am starting to understand why.

Well - I have no sympathy for you for where you are headed - ESPECIALLY cause you have recognized where it goes, which is something alot of WS realize TOO late.

Here's what you gotta do.

1. Tell this lady the time you spend with her you realize is inappropriate - DO NOT TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL _ DO NOT

2. Tell her you can no longer be friends or speak with her unless it pertains to business.

3. If you still feel drawn to her - get a new job.

Only way to stop it NOW...

Hi HopeThisWorks,

Do you want to be just like the OM in your WW's life? You're headed there if you don't make the CHOICE to stop this now.

It IS a choice.

God Bless,
Jo

How can feeling confused be an excuse. It is how I feel. I know this is wrong, but something inside of me is drawing me to her. I can't help that feeling right now!


cherished, I don't believe this will hurt my WW at all. She had reduced me to a shadow of my former self and when I asked her how she would feel if I did to her what she did to me she said, "earlier in our M it would have devastated me, but if you did it now I would understand".

An EA and PA are choices and right now the choice to stop this if I find out she likes me with be very, very difficult.

My WW hurt me in ways I could never imagine and I have tried to correct the things that created the environment for her A to flourish. It didn't matter to her and it still doesn't. She doesn't care about me so how in the world could this hurt her?

You are sadly mistaken...I didn't believe I would hurt my husband as he wasn't acting like he was loving me...I was neglected, distant, and unloved (oh poor me victim WS...)

Turns out - I ripped his heart out

Funny nuf'

When he left me, he didn't think it would hurt me - cause I was a kaniving (sp?) FWS that was going to continually hurt him forever. It ripped my heart out.

Dont make stupid assumptions...you are already fog talking friend...

So I guess you don’t have a problem with being no better than OM, the vermon who had an affair with your wife, no?

If you are h3ll bent on doing this GET A DIVORCE FIRST!

Oh, please do not do this. Walk the other way, if not for your W, or your M, but for yourself. You. Your soul.

Would you steal because you really liked what was in the store window?

If you do this, you will carry this on your heart and soul forever. And this woman; you would really admire a woman who would get involved with a MM? If this is the case, then she is no better than your w's OM. Period.

Agreed...


I understand this and I don't want to hurt her. Remember she might not even be interested in me.


To be honest, I really like this girl and would hate to loose this oppourtunity with her.


I'm not a WS...I'm just posting how I feel.

Let's not talk about your wife and how she will feel ... maybe she will care, maybe not.

Let's talk about you.

I know exactly how you feel. I remember very well how it felt to have a man I would never have had a second thought about under normal circumstances seem interested in me.

Here's what my very short, one hop in the sack, affair gave me:

A divorce
Loss of family
Loss of integrity
Loss of self-esteem
Loss of my job
Loss of friends
Loss of respect

Here's what it gave me:

Nothing

I am telling you straight out -- as someone whose (now-ex)spouse cheated first (several times) -- there is never a "reason" to cheat. You will HATE yourself if you go through with this.

Your hormones and brain chemicals are flying at warp speed right now... you "feel" lots of things... DON'T TRUST YOUR FEELINGS.

It isn't worth it.

That something is a combination of neediness and hormones. Really great reason to get involved, not to mention YOU'RE MARRIED which would make you a cheater .. regardless if your wife did it first.

Once you go there, you can NEVER unring that bell.

Hope

In all honestly - the only motivation driving you that differs than your wife - is your justification is what she has done to you - her affair. Her justification was what you had done to her - be it numerous little things.

See the connection? see the same pattern - I bet she did the same thing - I really like this guy - and my marriage really isn't that great - I wouldn't want to loose someone that really could be the one I could make it work with...

Do you know if she would agree to date a married man who is an emotional mess & she'd likely end up being a transitional woman?

Do you think so low of her?

Pep

HTW>>>>>STOP<<<<<<<

You KNOW this, you recognize what it is...YOU are even starting fog babble!!! Has the alien ship been hovering over your house to long????

On my thread you said you were gonna kick my but if I fell off the planB wagon again!! Good. IF you willing jump on the WS wagon KNOWING FULLY what you are doing....the consequences are much worse. Don't go there.

DO NOT DO THIS TO YOUR KIDS!
They already lost one parent to infidelity and don't kid yourself that it won't affect them. It affects you, it affects them.

Believe me I know what its like not to get your needs met. Is that really the only excuse you need to betray your family. I don't think so. You are not one to have a pity party don't start now!

I think you posted because you don't want to do this. YOU KNOW its doomed from the start. Its a temporary fix for a bruised ego. You KNOW nobody here is going to say "Go ahead and get it out of your system." NO WAY!!!!!

Step away from the temptation. Use this as a tool to hold onto a little compassion and forgiveness for your wife. Now you have experienced how EA can happen. You have the tools and knowledge she did not.

You need to take some cold showers with plenty of soap and work on other areas of your life.

You don't deserve to mess up your life this way its a quick fix to a problem that will only make that problem bigger.
You have been through so much and living w/WS is SOOO hard, it takes a toll. But you have learned so much and grown so much here. Even if you M doesn't work out use the skills you have learned. Don't start a pattern of destruction and leave you kids in the wreckage.

You've got me all riled up here. I want you to be able to look yourself in the mirror and be proud of the man you see. You are a good man. Do the right thing.

You are in my thoughts and prayers

Repeating again - what you need to do. Save yourself bud - the pain of being a WS - you dont need - you have enuf pain by being a BS

HTW, you have been in Plan A for SOOO long that your TAKER has now come roaring onto the scene with a mind of entitlement. You are NOW a WS!!

What happened to PLAN B, HTW?? Has Plan A just become your way life? This has dragged out for so long that you don't even care anymore. Why is she still living there?

Wake up, my friend! You are doing exactly what your W is doing.

One final question.

Have you forgotten what you stand for?