I've decided to move on. Things keep getting worse...he still hasn't called a lawyer and she's due in August. I'm done. Please please don't waste your time telling me how much better off I'll be, I know that already and it just makes me think too much about my decision lol. Anyway, what I do need help on is the fact that this was 6 months ago and I started to recover but a couple of text messages from him threw me back to square one complete with dreams, visions and obsessions. I don't know what to do and I don't understand it.

It was hard to make the decision to leave, but I made it and I worked through that, and I'll miss him but really I am ok with it. The thing I am not ok with is that he had no f**king right to do what he did and I keep obsessing and seeing him with her wondering how he did it and wondering if they were laughing about how I was the stupid (and lonely) faithful girlfriend who didn't know. It won't go away! I am also so upset that I had all of these firsts with him and since they were supposed to be firsts for him too, but they weren't, I feel violated in that way too. And I'll never get those firsts back...ever. I just keep feeling like he stole something from me and he won't give it back. I just want it to end so I can get my life back together. And, what I want more than anything is to make him suffer as much as he made me suffer (evil maybe, but oh well). I feel like I can never forgive him for this, and I feel like I need to be able to do that, for me. So that I don't see him in every guy I meet and think about this for the rest of my life. But if a text message can send me soaring back to square one, is there really any hope of this!?

PS sorry I haven't been around. I moved from cali to kentucky and it was quite an ordeal.

Well first {{hugs}} for you cuz it hurts really bad to be betrayed. Second, believe me they gave NO thought to you during the A. So don't think they were laughing at you. The extreme selfishness and self centeredness during an affair takes over and no one else matters. As for the getting through the pain of betrayal, time I am afraid is your friend here. It has ONLY been 6 months. You suffered an enourmous hurt and loss. It won't go away over night. Give yourself at least two years before you start another relationship. Get some IC if you can to help work through your pain and anger. Remember it is your b/f that has really lost here. He lost a faithful companion and his pride in himself. He has a lot of work to do on himself. Take care and let us know how you are doing. We care.

You have taken the first step in the healing process - you have chosen which path you are taking. That is a very hard decision to come to either way - whether you stay or go in the R. So good for you - you have made that choice and can begin to go forward.

I know it is difficult to believe at this point but there will come a time in your future where this whole sitch is no longer in the forefront of your mind and a driving force in your life. My D-Dy anniversary was 2 years this past May and the OC turned 1 in Feb. I can not express in words how it no longer affects me emotionally as it did two years ago when I first learned of the A of even a year ago when OC was born. My life has moved on and those days of not being able to get out of bed due to the agony of knowing my H slept w/ OW and got her pregnant are over. Of course from time to time something comes along ( maybe just a song) and triggers that punch to me gut. But that is rare now.

Give yourself some time. Take care of you. You have a whole life ahead of you and it can be full of wonderful times!!!!

Beth