Wow! Thought I'd never be back here. Well, actually I was hoping to come back every year to offer hope to others trying to recover, but life takes over.

A little background: I was here in the fall of 2003. DH had an EA/PA (trying to remember the acronyms). I worked Plan A to the hilt and we started recovery 4 1/2 months later. We've had our ups and downs in the beginning, but I have to say we are doing pretty well.

Now to FIL...he had an EA/PA in the fall of 2001 with his SIL (brother's wife). That ended and he and MIL seemed to be on the road to recovery. I knew nothing of A's at the time, but MIL was very helpful to me during my ******.

Fast forward to 3 months ago...DH received a "love" email from FIL to his OW. It threw us for a loop, but we didn't say anything. About a couple of weeks later, he received an explicit sexual email from FIL to OW. I called MIL immediately. I told her FIL was still having an A with SIL. She asked FIL right there while I was on the phone and he denied it. He actually got on the phone with me and tried to say we got spam. OMG! I couldn't believe the audacity. Unfortunately, MIL believes FIL's denials.

Needless to say, the next day I received a call from OW saying, "They've been seeing each other for years." We did our best to ignore it, even when she called DH a couple of weeks later, "You're so naive." Well, she just left 4 more messages on our phone.

We are trying very hard to ignore her, but I'd love to send her a long scathing email. I'd love to tell FIL to tell his g/f to stop calling us. I'm just wondering what is the 'proper' thing to do. DH feels we should tell MIL about the phone calls. I can see that, but is that all we can really do?

How should one deal with someone else's OW?

you ignore.

Could be ow is desperate cause FIL is in NC, and she is trying to get any kind of attention, negative or whatever is fine with her.

No reply is best at this time.

Do not bother FIL or MIL if they are not open to it at this time. However, FIL is wrong to say this is spam.

Just MVHO. Oh, and block her email addy. Or you could just forward her email to FIL and let him deal. I have had some good counseling, and the opinion was to ignore, unless it continues, and save, document, and get a RO if you have to to end it. Not a bad idea for your IL's either.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

I would call up your MIL one more time and give her this latest information along with the ACTUAL EMAILS and letters that your FIL sent your DH. [why did he send them to his son?? I don't get that] Maybe refer her to us? After that, I would ignore it.

Good grief - what kind of lowlife sleeps with his brother's wife??


I agree with ML - make sure your MIL gets copies of those e-mails. Might want to consider recording those calls as well.

Consider exposing to FIL's brother too.

You should definitely expose this to FIL's brother! He deserves to know so he can deal with the problems in his marriage.

I guess your MIL needs irrefutable proof. Tape those phone calls and take a copy of the emails to her so FIL can't make a denial stick. It'll make things tough for a while, but a relationship with them based on sordid lies is less than nothing.

Sorry for not replying sooner. I could not get back into the forum. It looks like things have been fixed, though...on both fronts.

Oh, I didn't mention that we saw ILs at a family wedding in June. Kinda tense. My DH tried very hard to be civil. Uncharacteristic of him, haha. Anyways, no one went off on anyone else. After the wedding, we did tell DH's brother. It threw him for a loop, as well. Our main concern was that perhaps MIL didn't have enough support. Strangely enough they were planning on telling MIL that she would always have a place with them (they were thinking if FIL passed before her).

Anyways, shortly after everyone got home from the trip, DH asked his mom for FIL's brother's address, so that we could keep in touch. Well, it turns out OW and husband are trying to work things out. Everyone noticed how happy MIL sounded then.

So that's as much as we know. We are slowly trying to rebuild all of our relationships. Luckily, ILs came down for DD's bday party. It's not all back to normal, but at least it's something. Thanks for listening.