That about sums it up - I am curious the longest anyone has gone to gather enough info to expose the affair and for that matter - who was quick? Getting war torn....Thank you!

Generally speaking, the earlier the exposure, the better. If you wait, the affair gets more entrenched. It also gives the affairees more time to spin the truth to potential targets.

Well, on D-day, I wanted to expose the affair. Unfortunately, the OW's husband was over in Iraq, fighting a war. I decided to wait till he came home, which was 6 months later. That gave the affairees more time to cement their relationship.

bout 3 minutes.

Then I left

Him with the mess

and the kids

and the bills

and the washing up

for him to start his new life all over

Trouble is he didnt want that after all

Plan B rocks, even if you had no clue what it was at the time

Max

I should have phrased it better - how long did it take to gather evidence to expose the affair?

8/23/05 - D-day Found Text messages, I had no clue. WH said he cut off contact next day, he confessed to boss and to some family (Affair was work related)

9/16/05 - I had not done any more exposure, immediate family and co-workers knew. WH left to pursue mistress.

10/18/05 - I talked to OW's husband for the first time. They are foreigners, multiple names, I had to search business data bases to try to narrow down which business they owned. I probably had the info for a week or so before I got the courage to talk to OW's H. I had to find someone to translate a letter for me because he didn't speak much English. Turns out he knew about the affair, but didn't know that I cared.

10/25 ish - OW, OW's H and my WH are spotted having dinner together <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> It seems their marriage was only for green cards and they had a pow wow to ensure that I was not going to cause them a problem.

After D-day, all I knew was OW's first name. I knew she was a Korean that worked at a dry cleaner (talk about a needle in a haystack). I had to get the EPA database to try to find the cleaner, but both she and her H had alias'. I have a large file of all the info I had to go through to find them. It helped alot that I was able to find the hotel WH ran off to (and that was just a stroke of luck at 3am with way to much coffee!) That gave me a more specific area to search for her H.

Finding out where WH finally moved to was another stroke of genius internet sleuthing (if I do say so myself). I have become very familar with property searches, tax assessors offices, business license searches.

My favorite one was when I knew what OW's divorce papers said before WH did.

Call me Bond, Jean Bond.

About 2 minutes. As soon as I learned about the affair, I exposed it.

again about 3 minutes.

Everything went BOOM all at once. I guess it just happens like that at times. My light just turned on. It all became clear.

He tried to lie, there were red flags for quite some time beforehand, but like most I chose to ignore because I trusted him ...blindly.

something I am not so proud of...I hooked him and then followed through with my other fist...so I also left him with a black eye and a split lip....and that great one fingered gesture.

That was the first time I had ever been violent in my life. Perhaps thats what scared him into a confession and it had little to do with what evidence I had at the time.

It seems she got scared too... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Max

How about never. I didn't expose, mainly because I "felt sorry" for my WW, and her sterling reputation, and believed a truckload of lies, both of omission and commission.

I didn't find MB until 5 months after D-day.

My #1 regret is that I didn't expose her for what she did to our marriage and our family.

The more solid evidence you have, the better, but exposure is still the number one blow you can exercise against the affair. If, however, you don't have any "stand up in court" concrete evidence, most WS's will deny until death.

If you have the evidence, expose in one fell swoop, without any threats or forewarning to anyone. Just do it. Do it in concentric circles, based on who is close to the WS, and who will be helpful in helping the WS "find their way home".

Best wishes,
SD