It's been a while since I posted. I started a new job a few months ago and it really consumes my time. If only it could consume my thoughts as well! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

In Jan or Feb WH wrote me the letter I've been waiting for - and then never followed through. It has been a very painful rollercoaster these past few months. WH is clearly in the thick of a mid life crisis. He is once again not happy in his job (he's only been there a year). It seems he keeps trying to change everything around him but himself and wonders why he isn't getting results.

WH tells me he loves me all the time. He says he hates himself for what he did to DS and me. He is affectionate (hugs, kisses) and I see warmth and love in his face and eyes. YET, he still sees her and it KILLS ME. He did move out from her house in January and has been bouncing from friends house to friends house. In my opinion, he acts like he's in his 20's. He has come very close to moving back (all his things are still here) but just can't seem to take that next step. I gave him a letter about 2 weeks ago that told him to call Steve Harley if he wanted to be with me, otherwise be gone. He did call Steve's office <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> but just gathered info and did not make appt. He even told me - hey Shattered, do you know they have a website and a radio program? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> Really WH?! No [censored] Sherlock! Who'd a thunk it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

On top of this I've had major financial stresses. My plumbing quit on Easter Eve. DS and I spent Easter in a hotel by ourselves. Plumbing was repaired later in the week at a cost of $3,000.

Mother's Day weekend I was stopped waiting to turn left when a 16 year old doing 50 MPH rear ended me and totaled my loan free car. Luckily I wasn't hurt, just bruised and sore. But now I'm shopping for a new car and the car loan to go with it. When I got home with my rental car, my driveway was washed out in the flooding, requiring a few hundred dollars worth of fill to fix it.

Lately I feel like I have a bullseye on my back. As I said on HTW's thread, the loneliness is killing me. I read here sometimes and I wonder if this works for anyone. It seems to me the WS's never come back. It gets to be too much at times.

Anyway, that's it in a nutshell for me.

Hi Shattered,
Sounds like you had a couple rough months and here I thought you were galavanting around having too good of a time to check in. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Did you go back to plan B? I just started plan B about a week ago, WH finally moved out.

Were you injured in the car accident? was DS in the car with you?

Hey Cha Cha! I'm glad you told me about the name change. No, I wasn't hurt, other than bruises and soreness. And no, thank God DS wasn't with me. It was only about a mile from my home and he was there waiting for the food I was bringing him.

No, I haven't done Plan B. I struggle with it because I have no one else around me here. WH was my family and I was his. The wounds go very deep. The emotions go very deep as well. He can't seem to let me go completely either. It's very hard to just never speak to someone again that's been an integral part of your life for so long.

I also feel I am not ready to handle the consequences if Plan B is the end of us. I am still pretty fragile emotionally. I'm just not ready to cut the cord.

Shattered,

It is so good to hear from you. Several of us have been asking about you.

I am so sorry to hear how tough things have been. I was really hoping that you were going to be the hope fairy and come sprinkle happy hope dust on all of us.

((Shattered05))

A lot of folks have been asking for you. Hope you will continue posting until Monday.

I hope you can stick around for a while. You have a really good way with putting things into perspective. And you are fun and witty...I always look forward to your posts. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

HTW is going thru a critical time he can use all the support he can get.

I am in plan B...and I already slipped. Its not easy.

Thanks guys. I've missed you.

Shattered,

Glad to see an update. I totally understand the cutting the cord thing. Its really hard to do but I finally have done it myself. Our D trial is on the 28 of this month. I am not looking forward to it, I have kept to my plamb now for three months no slipps this time. He is ok with it and just does not care anymore. Bit once the D is over i am leaving here and his chaos behind, 1400 miles behind...

I still think your WH will wake up one day, it just may be longer than you will wait....

I am glad you were not hurt in the accident. Please take care....


Hurting

Hey Shattered glad to hear from you again. I think about you alot and was getting worried for a while now.

I can empathyze with the lonleness and hopelessness.

What will happen if you don't Plan B? Do you want this to go on indefenitely. I'm way overdue for Plan B and it's killing the remaining love I have for my WW.

Hopefully Mel and other will help give you some advice.

HTW