(....but the real reason I am starting a new thread is because I can't find my Plan B thread!)

PART ONE:

Because I am in PLAN B, don't really know much about WS other than the facts.....

- WS plans to move to a bigger apt., so considering moving back home is not on his radar....on the other hand, as he is presently not 'living' with OW, new apt. may now actually render this possible, and if so, OW would be living with WS in an apt. that I still co-own.....which idea I am not particularly keen on!

- because we still co-own properties, WS still has access to the house....comes by on the average once a week....specifically, WS access to the basement, where tools and supplies are kept....as WS still does the maintenance... (although we never cross paths!).... but I am starting to not like this arrangement very much

- for WS it seems that just moving out, 'separating', seems to be OK for him...makes it OK for him to see OW.... his 'GF'....as he has shown no intention of filing for D..... I think at some level he still wants to be 'married' to me: being married to me and having two boys with him seems to make him feel somehow still 'connected' to me... for me, on the other hand, still being married to WS while he merrily goes around with GF and presenting her to friends,etc. makes me feel ashamed and embarrassed....and mostly feeling that WS is showing a total lack of respect for me...it's like, since WS has moved out and openly seeing OW...it makes it somehow OK..... like, admitting to stealing something makes it OK to keep it!

- WS seems to have moved on, inspite of the fact that we are still married..... I, on the other hand, knowing myself, will never move on unless 'legally' divorced...and even then!

....so, my thoughts are, since WS seems OK with the present informal arrangements.....and may actually prefer them to be so.... but it doesn't seem to be so for me.... the question to consider now is....will I have to take the first steps to legally finalize the end of our M, even though it's not what I want.....because I am starting to feel 'uncomfortable' and ashamed, with present situation?... because I don't want to give out the message that I am OK with this arrangement?.... because I can't really 'move on' until at least the legal aspect kicks in? ....and how is the present arrangement 'holding me back'? .... affecting my spirit?

....are these the feelings, thoughts, questions.... one has while in PLAN B... that will eventually (....not quite ready right now...) give me the energy.... the courage... and make it a necessity in order to move on.... to file for D? ....because whether I still love WS, still want our M and family, at one point becomes irrelevant if WS 'loves' OW and does not want to work on M, and family is not a priority?

...if so, I am not looking forward to it!

PART TWO:

I know for a fact, because WS has told me so, that one of his objectives...in addition to moving out in order to keep OW in his life... is to eventually have a 'friendly co-parenting' relationship with me.....

To that end.... this week he has left me a note offering to help with anything I needed to have done around the house and the yard...I just needed to let him know! ...and do I mind if he sees something to 'fix' and fixes it (as you can see...he was the handyman while we were married)?

To that end....the passing of information about the boys and finances, although the content does not change, rather than 'leave' a message on the recorder....knowing my schedule...he tries to 'catch' me at home and pass on the messages directly....

To that end.... dropped by the house yesterday because he needed to ask me something and the 'line' was always busy (true!).... although I didn't think the situation warranted it... let's just say it was not an emergency! .....however, I had not seen WS for months...... and it did give me a chance to confirm the fact that I needed to NOT SEE WS......

Do you think I need at this time to dot the 'i' with WS..... or is this just a way for WS to try to 'engage' me and I am better off just ignoring it? ...but if it continues, I will....

....do you think it would be in my boys' best interest for me to seriously consider moving towards this 'friendly co-parenting' with WS? (...even though right now I don't see myself doing so?) ....am I being 'selfish' by not wanting to have anything to do with WS, and are my boys 'suffering' because of it?

Whoever is reading this post....it's 3 am in the morning for me... and I just couldn't sleep..... I know I have not said anything that is very profound.... but I also know it is helpful for me to come to the board.....so...thanks for reading me!

I have exactly the same thoughts and anxieties as you - so I can offer that you are not on your own. I am in similar situation to you - Plan B since December 2005 - but we have no children. Its tough - and only you know how long you are prepared to stay in B before moving to Plan D. I think that there is always that element of the WH keeping a sense of control - as nothing is going to happen in terms of next steps until they are ready. If it still suits and the finances are working out OK - there's no reason to formalise things <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />one way or the other?

Luna,

I can relate to your questions. I have asked myself and planned for them many times but I have decided to be patient. First I have to let the 2 years or maybe a little longer go by as per Dr. Harley's instructions. Believer thinks that a little more than 2 years may be necessary in some cases. Georgia is at the 2 year period and he's not over his WW although he's divorced. Divorce is best when you are indifferent, from what I've read here.

I'm not there yet, but in this long journey I've also come to realize that since for me marriage is indissoluble (I'm catholic) divorce really has no advantage, so I'm not going to be the one who asks for it. On the other hand financially divorce would probably be worse for me. And an added incentive NOT to divorce WH is that as long as I'm his wife I would get his pension when he dies. And that is probably one of OW's main objectives, because she did declare she wanted an older man with money and her mother is probably putting pressure on her to get married so her futur is secure with his pension.

Therefore if he wants it he will have to ask for it. I'm not lifting a finger. He will not be able to say that I was the one who asked for a divorce. My personal futur life does not include remarriage so I have no need for a divorce. I'm OK with this plan. So I'm working on my new life under those conditions.

When plan B is over, maybe I'll changeplans, but probably not. We'll also see if Dr. Harley is right.

Luna - Your Plan B needs to be quite a bit darker. It should include no contact with your husband, except for an emergency, or discussing your boys. Hopefully you have your finances in order and don't need a lot of discussion there.

I would also request that he move his tools, etc. to the place he is living. He is indirectly being able to maintain a sense that he still lives in your home.

As far as chores, that too gives him some satisfaction. See if you can get someone else to do them.

The best case scenario would be to let him fully experience living with the OW, and having you out of his life COMPLETELY.

And if you are making a nice life for yourself and your family, don't worry about divorce. When the time is right, you will have no doubts about what you want.

I agree with believer. You are not really in Plan B if WH is coming around your house. He is doing all his little chores in an effort to ease his guilt, get his fix of you, and tell himself that he's not really hurting anything by moving out and shacking up with his girlfriend.

If you want your Plan B to be effective, you must put a stop to this. He's treating OW like his wife and is easing you into being his girlfriend. Are you okay with that?
Mulan

chivers and cc46: thanks for posting.

I am glad to hear that there are others in the limboland of PLAN B.

As I have already mentioned, I do wonder if making it 'official' would help me to hold my 'head up high' again... or not.... because for WS it makes it OK to carry on A with OW and is actually 'out in the open' about it.... while still being married to me.....just because he has 'moved out'.....

I, on the other hand, whether he has moved out or not, feel that WS is still 'cheating on me', not respecting me, and so feel ashamed and embarrassed..... WS's actions/decisions have pretty well set the record straight about what he wants and needs, and making it 'official' is not one of them....and I feel he is being insensitive towards me and the boys.... by what I perceive to be a total lack of concern about the impact of his decisions on us..... I know..... WS are supposed be selfish!

...and with his wanting to do 'friendly co-parenting'.... and I am not.... he's actually getting 'sympathy' from the many enablers that he has surrounded himself with......

Basically, I have come to the realization that, even after a certain PLAN B period passes, it will be more my needing to make it 'official' than WS.... I believe this way he may actually be 'idealizing' me..... and does not mind my still being 'his wife'...... while he 'runs around with OW'.....

This has also gotten me to thinking about OW..... I can see why WS maintains A.... for now, she is 'settling' for his terms: to only see him one week out of two....not to live together (at least that's what WS has always told me)....tolerates WS being married to me and the 'connection' that can never be broken of having our two boys in our lives.... and for now..... common financial responsibilities and obligations..... WS seems to have the independence he may have wanted in our M without any major 'responsibilities' like a FAMILY...... except I am not quite 'playing' the role he has assigned to me!

Like you cc46....I do not have any future plans of remarriage.... for now at least.... but, one day, making it 'official' may help me in 'lifting' these feelings of shame I am experiencing..... for now... I am not quite there enough to start 'juggling' with the figures... because we would have properties to sell, etc. etc. and particularly our family cottage that we worked so hard at..... too much emotions still to let go of it!

...but the longer I stay in PLAN B the less I feel I will want to work on M were WS to come knocking at my door.... and that saddens me.....WS is getting to me with the 'wear and tear' effect the longer he continues with the A....

...and because I am actually starting to enjoy being on 'my own'..... inspite of the numerous moments of lonileness.....

....but I am still not quite sure how to handle WS's attempts to have me break my PLAN B.... I know he is convinced that 'with time' I will come around..... and I am more and more convinced that 'with time' I will want to have less and less to do with WS!

....I am considering writing WS a 'reminder' more or less of the PBL... do I need to word it differently for him to get it? ...is he wondering if I have 'moved' my position on one of the basic criteria...... that is, that the first thing that will need to happen before I accept to be in any kind of contact with him..... is for A with OW to end?

I will wait and see......for now I will choose not to 'react'.....

....and give it at least 'one more year'.... I will see how I feel next summer..... and then make a decision.... in the meantime... it is PLAN B.... because it still 'hurts' to see WS.... meaning, still 'care' very much about what WE HAD.... and he is a reminder of that..... and I miss it!

It's easy for me to stay in PLAN B.... I just have to remind myself when I think of WS....that he is choosing at night to sleep with OW! ....and THAT is not the man I married! ...they happen to look alike.....

....I think I preparing myself for the next 'break' to happen.....when the boys will no longer be able to 'come and go' as they have been doing the past year, when WS moves further away..... because I already miss them as it is!

MB board....thanks for being there! ...writing to you is one of the things that keeps me busy and 'not thinking' while the passage of time does it's thing!


Hi BELIEVER...just saw your posting!

Thanks for dropping by.....

I know....WS seems to be playing his cards right.... I think he has purposely chosen not to live with OW so as to not 'fully experience' living with OW.... and is prepared to be a part of 'my life' anyway he can.....so as to feel the least guilty.

I am presently working hard to learn how to be as 'handyman' as I possibly can.... or get 'hired' help....

I believe WS has offered his help so that he can at least say to himself that he 'offered' but I have CHOSEN not to take him up on it.....

Unfortunately, he doesn't have the space for tools and materials....and we have a 'big dog' that he picks up and drops off.....

On the other hand.... it can't be very pleasant...coming to an empty house (he comes to the house while I am at work).... but at the same time.... not be a part of it!

I know that my PLAN B in that sense could be DARKER..... but the properties are also my responsibility...and since I don't contribute to the actual maintenance....I feel my part is 'housing' the tools and materials....

One thing for sure.... I do not intend to SEE WS like he would like... and sometimes I think his access to the house.... allows him to see that in a lot of ways, given the changes in the house and him not being a part of them.... that I am moving on!

...I can't believe even a WS is made out of stone..... it must do something to him to see our family picture on the piano....yes, I know..... I forget about 'denial' and 'rewriting' history..... a 'must' for a WS to minimize the pain.....

Lunamare:

I don't think it's PLAN B if your WH can meet that Domestic need by coming by the house. Also, by being able to HELP you, he can justify the A to himself. Justifying is a major PRIORITY for the WS..keeps the A fueled....

In order for PLAN B to reach its' full effect, the WS needs to SUFFER..I MEAN REALLY SUFFER..to reach his BOTTOM...he needs to LONG FOR YOU...

So, I agree with Believer.

I think you should take this very seriously and darken your PLAN B. This is crucial and not a minor issue.

Also, it was important for my H to know that I WOULD NOT BE HIS FRIEND. That was a big issue for him that I TOLD HIM THAT I WOULD NOT BE HIS FRIEND UNLESS HIS GOT RID OF THE OW FOR LIFE. Otherwise, he would have remained a cake-eater FOREVER AND EVER because he so values my friendship and companionship. It would have been DARKNESS FOR LIFE with me.

Get it?

Hi Mimi,

I agree with you Mimi......my PLAN B could be DARKER..... but unless we 'formalize' our separation ie. divorce and separation of assets, etc..... I may have to accept WS having 'access' to house, however minimal that might be...

However, I have made it perfectly clear to WS...

quote:----------------------------------------------------
.....THAT I WOULD NOT BE HIS FRIEND UNLESS HE GOT RID OF THE OW FOR LIFE ...as...he so values my friendship and companionship.
----------------------------------------------------------

I see WS as being 'convinced' that it would be just a matter of time before I 'caved in'..... because he does value my friendship and does respect my opinion.....and that it would be a major loss to him....right now he is still convincing himself that it's just a question of time...and can't yet believe that I am serious about this.....because he just wants to live separately, so that he can 'fool around' at the same time.... and I am not playing his game.....

Unfortunately...what doesn't help is that we have had acquaintances that have had that kind of M.....where they were a couple but lived separately so that the husband, more so than wife, on a regular basis had affairs on the side....and wife did tolerate husband's actions....brushing it off as S being a perpetual adolescent....but I don't want a 'perpetual adolescent' in my life....I want a partner....to lean on when I need to...

if it may have worked for them... I am sure WS has convinced himself that it could work for us!

I think my not 'buying into his plan' forces him to question his decisions and actions..... because, although I was tolerant in a lot of ways in our M, and he may have had me 'confused' temporarily with the shock of D-day.... eventually....I am not one to tolerate any b*llsh*t behaviour.....so...maybe something is not 'right' with the way he is handling the situation..... DUH!

.....I believe current WS's behaviour.... having been 'quiet' for awhile..... is just a result of needing to 'test' on a regular basis how serious I am about not having a 'friendly co-parenting' relationship while A continues.....

....which is why I will not reply to his offers....I will do what needs to be done..... I will neither say 'yes' or 'no' to his offers.... because a 'yes' is what he is looking for and a 'no' would be a relief from his guilty feelings and would allow him to at least say that I 'refused' his help...without dwelling on why...

Mimi, like I already mentioned.....although right now I am still open to consider a reconciliation... the longer I am in PLAN B....the less I may want to do that.... which may the 'typical' cycle of PLAN B..... because if WS does not take advange of the window of opportunities given by BS at certain given times..... the problem may eventually be a BS who is no longer willing to reconsider a reconciliation when a WS does 'wake up'....if ever.... that's what I am worried about.... because I am starting to like my 'independence' more and more..... and the longer the A with OW continues... the less I want to have anything to do with him....

...but I don't plan to put too much energy in playing the 'if' game....

My WS will do anything to minimize the suffering: ....not living with OW so not to face the reality of the A (that it will take work like any relationship...and even more so when it starts out as an A); he denies the impact of his selfish decisions on the 'dynamics' of our family (totally blown away) by telling himself that the boys are being taken care of....so what's the problem? He is good at 'compartmentalizing' to help out witht the guilt.... he does have a certain 'charisma' so he can easily get sympaphy and get the: 'poor you' BS doesn't want to see or talk to you? .....does she know what this is doing to the children? ...totally diverting the attention away from his decisions.....and putting the focus on me....

....bottom line.... WS is very good at avoiding the 'suffering' ....so that he will never have to hit BOTTOM....and is good most of all at believing his own lies....even if reality seems to point to the contrary.....but he certainly knows how to play 'mind games' which is why the most important thing for me is to stay away from WS....

I am sorry for the long post... I have to go....but I will be back tomorrow....

I have thought about why the longer WS stays in the A the less I would want to consider a reconciliation....even though I may in fact still love him....which I may need to look at a little closer...because they may be MY obstacles in ANY future relationship, be with WS or not:

Words that come to my minde are...

PRIDE/RESENTMENT and thoughts like: Well, if he thinks he can take his sweet time....and if he thinks that I am sitting here waiting for me for whenever he is ready! .... Am I just the 'default' choice just because it didn't work out with other(s)...or am I really being 'chosen' for me?

FEAR of being hurt yet again and thoughts like: If he has done this once to me/others what's to stop him from doing this whenever he feels like doing it (which would hurt even more!) ...and therefore choosing to be alone for fear of being hurt yet again... choosing the keep 'people' at a distance....because in any relationship one has to accept the risk.....

ANGER at myself and thoughts like: ....I should have known better....I should have seen the 'signs' and done something about it before....I should not have believed S/WS when he told me that he would never leave me and would not cheat on me...how naive could someone be...I TRULY believed and trusted S/WS.... and it's probably not a good idea to trust anyone THAT much!

....but they are just thoughts and feelings..... deep down I do believe life needs to be lived to the fullest.... and that risks are worth the gifts life has to offer....

....what does appear to be true is that once thoughts and feelings are out in the open.....they seem to have less POWER over us..... because I just reread myself..... and they no longer seem to be a really BIG deal anymore... or at least.....less of a big deal!

I really like being part of the MB board...seeing how many of us struggle with life's challenges, how some days are good and some are bad, the sharing, the generosity, the vulnerabilities 'openly' exposed, and I have become very fond of many of you, each one bringing to the 'table' one's own singularity.

Please believe me when I say that you all mean a lot to me.

Thank you for being there.

Hi Luna,
Just wanted to stop by and let you know I've been checking on you. Don't have time to post now...gotta go take a golf lesson on my lunch break. I'll stop back later.

Well...as I have mentioned already...I believe WS is 'testing' me again a little bit lately....with the end objective of having a 'friendly co-parenting' relationship with me while carrying on with OW

So....I don't know yet if I would send the following (I would first have to translate it into French!), but wonder if it will help me just to have it down, have some comments, and at the same time have something ready if I notice any more 'signs' from WS of wanting to push the 'communication' limits I have asked him to respect....

I will try to make it short and to the point... let me know if you think this would make a WS defensive, or why I should not consider giving it to him:

-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear WS,

Given some 'direct contact' that has occurred lately, to avoid any misunderstandings, the reason I have asked that we not see or speak to each other....(and that whatever information we needed to pass on to the other be done by telephone messages, or a written note) is based on your choices and current priorities. The 'passage of time' only will not change this.

--------------------------------------------------------

I hope I won't need to give this to WS...because I don't think I have enough imagination to know how a WS would turn this against me and/or use it to justify his A.

Needed to reassure my mom last night that I was doing OK, really....which is true.... That unless WS got his head back on straight, I was better off on my own.....(because my parents are so far away....I have only told them the 'essentials' that WS has chosen to move out and live on his own... but not why.....hoping that it would it make it easier for them were they to need to see WS in the future)... and because they trust my judgement....know that it's my way of protecting them (the way they do with me, too....that's what happens when 'distance' is involved...otherwise one worries TOO MUCH)..... my parents adored WS.....they treated him like another son! .... knowing that he has 'abandonment' their daughter and his family.....(and for them, it really doesn't matter why).....they must really hurt sometimes! My parents have been married for 50 years and they have had their ups and downs.... but they 'stick' together.... so they really 'don't get it' why anybody would 'abandon' his family..... there would never be a good enough reason to do so...

Luna, I'd suggest this:

***************
WS (no "dear" - WSs are not dear to anyone)

Because you have chosen to live with OW and not with your own wife an children, I have chosen not to see or speak to you.

The 'passage of time' only will not change my decision.

The only thing that will change my decision is your permanently breaking off your relationship with OW and working with me on how you can return to the family home.

*****************************
Will that translate into French?
Mulan

Luna,
Do you have an intermediary? I don't think you should send him the letter. I think he might take it as a sign of weakness.

I was thinking...you said he was going to move to another property that you co-owned. Would that property be good for you? Since his tools are housed where you are giving him an excuse for access...What if you switched? Or is there room at the other property for the tools?

I think him moving further will turn out to be a good thing...he has only been a block away. Very convinent for the boys but also very convinent (sp?) for him. Even if OW finally does move in with him...I think it will hasten end of A. Then you could go REALLY DARK...let her try to meet all of his needs.

Have you seen the show on TV w/ Julia Louis-Dreyfus "Christine"? Divorced couple...Dad has a new young chippy...but comes and goes from the family home like he lives there, they sit w/ eachother a soccer games. He totally cake eats...has the best of both worlds....I think thats what your WH is looking for. LOL!!I guess that what all WS's look for! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Hi Mulan,

Thanks for posting and...your suggestion....I like it very much! ...and you are right no 'dear' needed..... I hadn't noticed it! .....I count on the Board to point these little unnecessary 'slip ups'

Mulan....do you remember what a mess I was a year ago?

... and it will translate in French just fine..... one minor adjustment.... he has chosen NOT to live with OW..... and we all know why.....WS wants to keep 'reality' away from his lalaland as long as he can! ....OW's standards don't seem to be too high either.... accepts to see WS more or less only one week out of two (which also may actually help prolong lalaland feelings) and WS has made no attempts at 'formalizing' separation (i.e. D proceedings) and so OW has a BF who is someone else's husband 'legally, of course' with everything that it entails.... as our 'financial' ways have not really changed that much....

Hi ChaCha,

Thanks for all of your suggestions... with me in PLAN B and with his 'move' set in motion.... I don't think I would consider switching.... and, yes, he will have 'more' room so maybe the tools may move out, with the odd exception of 'bulky' building materials...... besides....he will now have to 'travel' DS10 to our home's neighbourhood school the week boys are with him! YEAK!

...oh...and your other question: no, I don't have an intermediary..... I find phone messages OK as long as WS respects this means of communication!

I don't think I will send him the note right now....because I agree.... he may be just trying to get me to react...and if I do, it might actually encourage him more..... so, for now, the 'no show' will do

...but if another 'incident' happens and I feel he is purposely trying to be in 'direct' contact with me....then I do plan to give him the reminder....

...and, yes, I do agree.....his move in the long-run is probably better.....even if I will miss the going back and forth of the boys..... but...mostly...I know it will be hard on the boys and that it will mean yet another adjustment for them to make to be out of their neighbourhood..... didn't think it's our role as parents to think up ways of making life harder for our children.... it already is hard enough sometimes!

...and I really don't have a problem with not seeing WS....not with the choices he has made....

....yes...I agree 'cake eating' is what WS would like to be doing..... OW seems to have bought into his plan.....I am being the 'oddball' here... well, that's just fine with me!

Thanks for the input. I really appreciate it, and it really helps me.

I still can't believe it when I see where I am NOW to where I was at the same time last year......yes, the wound is deep, and triggers come up often.... don't know where the future will take me..... but I have home projects in mind, I enjoy my work, I have a good relationship with my boys, and am blessed with a close-knit small circle of friends whose company I enjoy very much - and who helped me pick up the pieces last year, my parents and brother care about very much but they do live far away (so, I do in fact 'protect them' if I can, just as they do with me), and I actually enjoy spending time 'alone'.....

....so, if any newbies are reading this.... after having done your PLAN A as best as you can and your WS won't budge and continues on A with OW..... do NOT hesitate to go for PLAN B.... I would not be here if it had not been for my decision to 'cut' the cords with WS.....

YES....PLAN B is hard to consider at first....seeing that it means not seeing WS at all....but it's doable, for me, it's been almost a year, and I have only seen WS a couple of times by coincidence and last week because he decided 'he needed to' (because it was not a real emergency situation!).....

...and I don't think I would be feeling this strong, this confident that I will be all right with our without S/WS had it not been for PLAN B.... it has been a life-saver, for me!

I know...it might be discouraging to newbies who want relief right now.....and answers right now.... but hang in there.....it's a process.... but I recommend considering PLAN B for your sanity and to diminish your anguish, on top of 'maybe' salvaging your M, particularly when dealing with what I call a hard-core WS like mine..... a broken moral compass? mine doesn't seem to even have one!

....as you can see... I went solo and surviving ... after over 20 yrs. of M, and am not that good of a 'handyman'... but I am learning!

Well...

....having the 'gut' feeling that WS was thinking he was 'slowing' getting to me with a few 'direct contact' even if it was about the boys only.....

...in my next info. message to him I felt I needed to dot the "i's" and reiterated that....considering his current choices, to please respect my request for no direct contact..... if his priorities were to change.... well....then we would rediscuss the matter.....(didn't feel the need to specific more at this time as they have already been stated to WS before: ie. make family a priority and willing to commit to rebuilding M.....and it goes without saying...this required n\c with OW!)....

....for now....WS thinks moving to a bigger apt. is what will do the trick!

...well....I am keeping 'busy'..... I never had a 'green thumb'... but.... I am getting into gardening....for the 'creative element'..... the colours.... the textures.... the mixting of it all.... watching things grow... I am really enjoying it! ...it keeps me outdoors.... sleep better at night... get great exercise (with all the bending!)..... and because it's 'visible'... the neighbours appreciate it!

....but...GOSH!..... do I ever miss my little family! ...and the longer I am in PLAN B.... the longer I feel the possibility of it ever seeing the 'light of day' again... slowly slip by... and this really really hurts sometimes!... but these are only 'moments'..... and I am getting better at 'choosing' what I think about and on what I will invest my 'mental' energy on.....trying at the same not to lose HOPE.... as this summer I will be passing one year mark since WS moved out..... 1 1/2 yrs since D-day... and in PLAN B apparently..... it may still be premature to 'bury' my little family, yet!

....I really can't imagine WS NOT missing it.... I really really can't..... or should I say.... maybe he does...but not enough TO DO anything about it (i.e. n/c with OW!)
....bottom line..... life is definitely a PROCESS!

Again, can't thank you all enough for being there, and for the MB board being a place where I can turn to.... as some of my friends don't quite get PLAN B..... although they are very polite... I know that some of them may think my n/c with WS is a way of avoiding 'reality'....

....but being in PLAN B....and trying to be self-sufficient after 20 years of 'depending' on sharing responsibilities with S...I think is closest to my reality...... as WS is 'mentally' absent... a true reflection of him is.... being 'physically' absent from my life.....

PLAN B can at times be a rollercoaster of emotions.... but...I feel I have better 'control' on the speed....better equipped to handle the big curves....and gosh.... the big drops! GLUP!

Hi Luna,
I have more of a brown thumb myself...but occassionally I'll try to find something I can't kill. My hydrenga has been my only real success. I have roses but those bushes have been there at least 30 years and require very little from me.

The WS is a tricky species, the light of day causes its leaves to wither and darkness prevents roots from spreading, yet all it really needs to survive is intermittent watering (contact). Its one species I'd be happy to exterminate.

Hi ChaCha,

quote:-----------------------------------------------------
Its one species I'd be happy to exterminate.
-----------------------------------------------------------

Ditto!