What do you do when your gut instinct tells you something is going on but you absolutely cannot prove it? DH of 23 years has been very different for awhile now. His cell phone is paid for by his employer so I cannot get any records that way and he's so smart that he delets everything before he comes home at night. He's been leaving for work much earlier than usual too.

I just have this very sick feeling inside and nowhere to go with it.

Can you hire a PI or put a recorder in his vehicle? Best not to ignore that gut instinct, it is usually right.

Hi Jinxie,

I am assuming that the DH you are talking about would be your dear husband?

We call wandering spouses WS, betrayed spouses bs, or in case of gender ww, wandering wife, bw, betrayed wife, bh, betrayed husband and other woman, OW, other man, OM.

If you are worrying about something going on after 23 years of marriage, most likely, it is. Most bs suspect when things are going on. Wandering spouses usually send out signals.

Has your husband recently started to:

Wear cologne

buy new clothes, boxers,

be secretive or vague about what he had done during the day or where he had been

Recieve text messages that require him to leave so that he can make phone calls

Change in work schedule requiring more over-time or out of town jobs,

Become more critical or defensive

Emotionally detach from you

The biggest form of communication from those involved in affairs is cell phones.

Has his cell phone habits changed in the past few months?

My husband actually got a new cell phone so that he didn't have to use his company cell to contact the ow.

He was in constant contact with her through text-messages, and cell phone conversations.

Thanks to the rush of chemicals produced by the EA, his abillity to think rationally flew out the window, and when the cell phone records came in, I could see how many times he had text-messaged and called the ow.

I used the records to confront him and address the problem.

Can you give us a few more details or reasons why you think that your husband might be involved with another woman?

Sincerely,
k.d.'s Heartbreak




Your first step would be to set up a way to check up on your husband.

Different posters have used digital voice activated recorders placed strategicaly in the suspected adulterer's vehicle, GPS attatched to vehicle to track movement during the day, keylogger software or hardware to record all the different websites and text that the suspected might send to their affair partner.

Hi Jinxie,
I went back and read your posts from January. Did anything change for the better over the last 5 months?

DO you think it is still the same OW?

Have you been in Plan A all this time?

I think a recorder in his car might be the best idea unless you can hire a PI. I understand you can get one at a very reasonable price at Radio Shack.

There are some threads on snooping here in the forums. Your kids are older, can you follow him? Can you drive by her house? Drive by his office,etc?

Does he use a computer at home? Can you install a keylogger?

Can you hack into his emails? Or his voice mails?

Have you found out anything in the last 5 months to go on?

Olympus VX2000 voice activated recorder. You can set it so it records when he starts talking. It's very small; you can put it under the seat in the car or any other place where it isn't noticed.

If you have the money, a GPS device taped to the car will tell you where he goes after work. They cost about $350. on ebay, and will give you the times and places of where he goes.

Hi everyone,

After I had confronted him 5 months ago he had turned into my perfect husband again. He was back to his old self, wonderful and caring and affectionate. Over the last few weeks I see behaviors returning yet again. The distance is unbelievable. Even my 19 year old son senses something is up.

He doesn't use the computer,or email at all. He goes to work and has his work cell period. I know he is using texting alot because he and I both have nextel's and many times lately when I try to reach him I get the "user busy in data A3" message.

The following:

When we do have sex he's very different- it's too hard to explain but very different!

Change in work schedule requiring more over-time or out of town jobs

Become very much more critical and defensive

be secretive or vague about what he had done during the day or where he had been

Emotionally detach from me-this one is huge.We used to be the most envied married couple around. He used to adore me and it showed when he looked at me. He never even looks at me like that anymore.

Also picks fights with, not so he'll leave, just create major distance between us always on the weekends.

One day last week on Sat. he came home from work and I could smell perfume on him on his chest/shoulder area of his t-shirt. When I questioned him he shrugged it off saying it was my fabric softener sheet-but I know it absolutely wasn't.

My mind is racing, there's so much more. As I have said before he's become even more secretive and it's impossible for me to get his cell records as his employer pays for it. And he's become an A+ student and now deletes his call list and text messages every night before coming home from work.

He leaves much earlier than before. Sometimes at 1-2 in the morning. On the weekends lately he doesn't even shower or shave and hardly does anything around here anymore. But every night before bed he showers and shaves and makes sure his hair will be good the next morning. It's like a great big difficult strain to be in the house. I can feel it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I am utterly heartbroken and sick inside. I have been up since 3 a.m. and called into work sick today.

I also forgot to mention that about 2 weeks ago my hubby was home a little later than usual for a couple of days. Anyhow we were getting phone calls at 3:00 a.m. and as soon as I'd answer they hung up. When I told him how disturbed I was over it he just brushed it off. Totally unlike him he usually would blow his stack over something like this!

When I mentioned that I was going to file a report with the phone co. as this person was blocking the # the calls stopped overnight.

Even though it is a work cell, have you tried looking at the nextel web site to see if it is registered there? If not register it and check his bill on-line.

All other advise you are getting here is great press on and verify.

Good luck!

Lots of red flags flying there, Jinxie. You need more information and you've been given some excellent tips on how to gather it. There are more in the thread "Spying 101" in my signature block. Get busy, lady. You've got work to do.

Keep digging get any info you can, follow him in the morning, hire a PI if you can afford to.I followed my gut instinct and found out alot years later.And I`m still digging.

Longhorn and all thanks so much for the support and validation, as I thought that I was truly losing my mind. I am going to be getting myself some of those items off of the spying 101 list! My son is going to help me do this.

I'll keep you all informed!

Red Flags everywhere!

Trust your gut!
You can track his nextel activity online but you will need the SIM# off the phone. That only tells you who is calling unles you can get a print out of text messages. Voice activated digital recorder worked for me. It sounds like he is hiding something.

I am so sorry,
From your description, it sounds like he is back in an affair.

Calls at 3:00 in the morning???? And then hang-up. yeah.

Perfume smell on his chest????

Leaving to go to work at 2:00 am.

If it looks like a duck

Walks like duck

and sounds like a duck.............

Its a duck.

Hang in there,

Sincerely,

k.d.'s Heartbreak

You know inside that you're right-it's denial cause you don't want to be roght! He usually leaves very ealry to go to work. IT's just lately that he's been going in earlier. This morning he didn't leave until 4 a.m which is when he's go.

Thanks for all of the help!

I was there, I didn't want to believe it either. But only when you know the truth will it set you free. I still second guess some things because "I never, ever believed the person I trusted most in this world could deceive me with an OW." Not only have I said this many times I've read the exact words from others.

Hang in there, be smart, follow the advice on this site. Its like they (WS) have a disease, and then they slowly come out of the fog and return to life. My FWS told me last night how much he loved me and couldn't believe what he had done to me...yada yada.

My gut was right 95% of the time, & really the other 5% is only because I couldn't ever prove it. When you start to question your actions/response...turn to this site for help, its very likely someone will have been in that same situation and can offer their 2cents. Knowledge is the key, it doesn't really make it hurt any less, but its way better than being blindsighted.

Can you follow him to work?

Me (BS) 46
FWH 46

M 24 yr; T 30 yr HS & CO sweethearts
D 17; S 14
Him EA/PA 5-04/10-04
DDAY 1/3/05
Recovering day by day