I think Loy is more than capable of forgiveness..

I sense that her trust level is in the [color:"red"]R E D [/color] danger-warning level....

the trust is the bugger in recovery

LOY ... heII yes , I am talking about a plan for recovery ... self recovery as well as marital recovery

take things one day at a time

Pep

How to recover your trust after infidelity 101

you begin by trusting your "higher power"

I call mine God

you trust that whatever happends to you ... there is a purpose to your life

after you hand over the control of the universe to your God

you then start to pull the weeds in the garden where your self-trust grows

my way of becoming successful with this task ~~~> was by journaling

I worked out my SELF-DOUBTS

by trusting the Universe to be run by God
and that freed me up to work on my self-trust issues

one of the things that gets blown-up by a second infidelity discovery is your self confidence that you would *spot* another infidelity in the future

you ask yourself things like:
"am I blind?"
or
"am I an idiot?"

but, you cannot trust yourself (nor should you) to have the POWER to prevent another infidelity by your spouse

YOU have the power decide what you will do "if" there is another infidelity

but you do not have the power to decide if there will be another infidelity

let it go

decide whether or not you can develop your inner strength to withstand a future infidelity repeat ... or not

if you cannot remain in the marriage without a guarantee there will never be another betrayal ... then get out of the marriage & do not ever become vulnerable/intimate ever again (seems like a lousy choice to me.... but it IS, in fact, one of your choices)

so

as a Plan development

I would like YOU

to make a list of your current choices

brainstorm all possibilities
even the absurd


Pep

Loy:

I know you are capable of forgiveness.

I mentioned this because this was an issue that I had to consider after my H betrayed me many times with the FOW...

I of course agree with your need to have A PLAN.

My paretns and youngest sister are concerned that I am on anti-depressents. They think that perhaps it may dull my judgement and want me to get off it asap. I asked them to do a bit of research on Lexapro and what it does. The one person in my family everyone knows that takes anti-ds is crazy so I think they need to update their perspective.

I have snapped a couple times at my parents recently, and it is mostly because they have a talent for alluding to every sensitive subject in less than 5 minutes. hows the job search coming, how do you feel about meds - get off them, how is WH, how are your finances, oh OW works here so...

My dad also wants me to get IC.

it is overwhelming to have so much concern for me.

I have taken ADs for years and they do not dull your judgement. Now they may make you more relaxed to make a decision that you might not have been able to have made before, but that is not the same as having a dull judgement. For instance I had a slight OCD problem and I get locked up with anxiety about making a decision. When I'm on medication, decisions come easier. I don't obsess about all the possible outcomes, I make a decision and I live with the outcome. Before I would analyze, and over analyze and probably come to the same decision. Now I just make the decision and move on.

Loy:

I also have taken an AD for years. I tried briefly to stop, thinking that I no longer needed the pill. However, I've found that I function much, much better on them. I'm less irritable, make better decisions, sleep better, have more energy and on and on...

I also found my mother to not be helpful regarding the infidelity (my father is deceased)...

I wasn't able to figure out why..

I did better when I didn't talk to my mother about it..so you are not alone on this pattern...

IC did help me some..but not as much as Steve Harley helped ME personally...Steve is very warm, uplifting, helpful and knowledgeable..

Try to schedule a session with him, Loy, if at all possible..

I'll look into Mr. H.

There is a stigma against ADs, weird.

Just finished exercizing and that certainly helps.

Yep...exercising has been a lifesaver for me, too..

I also especially enjoy listening to music or books on tape while I workout...I intensely get into my singing...

Just bought me a new MP3 player...

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