A 3months, I left with 11 yr. old son 6 weeks ago, OM in my house, WW warm/cold wants son not me, son wants me not her, only contact via phone or e-mail, trying to lay low but scared I'll lose her if I don't do SOMETHING... at this point talk to her 1-2 times a week, told her that we need to negotiate OM leaving if are to have a chance. may visit in a week or 2, only contact if contacted by her... what to do?

WTF?

Do you own that house?

If so, why are you OUT and the OM IN it?

1) Why are you 320 miles away?
If it's b/c of job, find another one near your house!

2) Do you and your WW own the home?
If so, kick the OM out for tresspassing if possibly legal. If the OM is giving your WW money for rent, it won't matter because you and your WW did not enter into a lease agreement with the OM. If your WW refuse to kick him out, issue a written notice, certified to your wife that the OM must leave within 30 days or whatever your local law requires. If the OM gives you he!!, have him served a restraining order.

3) If you do not own the home, but the lease is both in your names (you and your WW), you can still have the OM evicted by contacting the landlord. Landlord will likely terminate the lease and either 1) give you and your wife the appropriate notice to vacate 2) rewrite the lease w/her and the OM. There's always the possibility of the landlord not refunding the deposit for breach of contract.

What the above does is that your WW and the OM will be hit with realities of their A.

Hopefully this works. Good luck.

Bogus PFA (protection from abuse ) she never showed up for court and was dismissed, had nowhere to go but hometown w/my son while waiting for hearing

the PFA was in response to my asking WW to leave with OM (who was living with his parents) nice, huh?

So does this mean that you left town b/c of the bogus PFA?

Is the hearing in your hometown where you are now?

Not clear.

Sounds like she picked a real "winner".

The question is:

Do you still love her to want her back? OR

Do you want her back because your son needs a "mother?"

You really didn't mention if you "love" her or not. Just curious.

Yes I truly do, and she's definitely in the fog- its spooky how A's are so similar ... especially the babble

hearing was in former home, came with cops I had 1/2 hour to vacate, sent son ahead , suspected this would happen (again)

OH yeah, we, the BS are very familiar w/the babble talk.

Have you implemented Plan A & B? If not, read up on it. Best not to spend too long on plan A. Here's my "own" personal view on both plans:

Plan A: The WS is on the driver seat b/c BS is trying like heck to meet the WS ENs. It's the having your cake and eating it, too for WS phase while we BS, feel like doormats at times. So that's why I highly recommend not spending too much on this stage. So figure out what your boundaries will be.

Plan B: BS takes back control!

By the way, have you exposed the A? If not, DO IT! Wait no more!

Exposed without results, start 8 week training course July 1 WW wants to see son, asked to discuss negotiation of removal of OM but fear she will comply just to get him there and blow it off ( son reluctant to see or talk to her at this point.

Why were you ordered to vacate? For domestic abuse? Don't mean to assume, but that's all I can think of. I assume you don't live in California. If this is the case (domestic issue) and you still want your wife, you two may want to seek MC. By the sound of it, you two are at the opposite end of a stick. And it will stay this way as long as you two are 320 miles away. Just be sure that you two don't use your son as a pawn to get at each other.

Good luck.

No. She has used this tactic before to gain control, there was no basis in fact for filing, she subsequently didn't show for the hearing, and it was dismissed. If I didn't send Tyler ahead before she filed, he would've had to stay there (where he doesn't want to be).

OK. You made one decision which is you want your M.

The second decision you still have to make is geography. How are you going to rebuild if you're 320 miles apart?

Why can't you move back if the PFA was dismissed?

Do you have a lawyer? If not, why not?

You know if you do not move back closer to WW, your chances of getting custody are very small...unless WW allows you to establish residency with son at the place you are now. Establishing residency will take at least six months from the time you left your hometown.

Right now she says that there is no M to rebuild, so am trying to do my best plan A till I finish school and company training (Nov 1) State of PA is paying for school. I really don't want to be here although I have a huge support net. My son, however, does not want to go back even if we do attempt reconciliation. He wants her to relocate here with us, which would be a permanent fix for the A addiction. I want her to do this as well but there a many bridges to cross before that one. Last night called OM ( he was my friend as well as hers) and told him how A is affecting us (he has a son from his broken marriage so he KNOWS) and that GOD, Tyler and I are IN house, garden, pool, etc...SPIRITUALLY and couldn't imagine how he could live with what he is doing. I also said that if WW hadn't filed bogus PFA Ty and I would still be living in the house and WW would have had the opportunity to visit with him. I suspect he did not know about PFA. Something is definitely up... Either my calling him was a big LB or there is trouble in paradise because while it is not uncommon for her to not take my calls, she is not even taking calls from Ty. Should I lay low and see what happens? It is difficult to take the hot/cold- some days talk of old times and happiness, others turns phone off after a couple of rings... I know thaat she cares as she has willfully admitted this, so I fear that NC would deal our M a death blow because of the distance between us.

Custody will be WW's battle because of abuse towards my son in addition to the fact that HE DOES NOT WANT TO LIVE IN THE HOUSE WITH THE TWO OF THEM! By law he is old enough for his wants to be considered. I have a very good lawyer that I hope I will not need.

Did you ask your lawyer about the ramifications of moving 320 miles away?

Can you call Steve Harley?

Will call her (attorney)again tomorrow although she is aware of sich and didn't say anything at PFA hearing. Unless Dr. Harley does pro bono work that is just not a possibility right now.