Furthermore, Shame will put pressure on the A. Little fights will start with, "I'm the laughing stock in my circle of friends, my brother and grandmother are ashamed of me, and you can't seem to remember to put down the god danged toilet seat!" Little cracks lead to bigger cracks, as we all know. Keep heaping on the shame. Shame is not romantic and the affair does not flourish in that environment.

Post deleted by Hiker45

Yes, it might be very damaging - to the affair.

The only reason NOT to reveal this to her is if it gives away too valuable a source of intel.

Maybe reveal this to her brother. Let him mention it to her. Let her worry what else is captured.

It seems the only cases in which exposure destroys "any chance of reconciliation" are those destined not to be recovered anyway.

JMHO

WAT

Post deleted by Hiker45

Very valuable exposure evidence.

Are you capable of transferring the recording to a digital file? - play it into a computer mic or into a sound card with RCA jacks? Then you could e-mail it for exposure.

She won't necessarily know how you got it. It could have come from OM who was secretly recording their calls. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Think about using this evidence in exposure to her brother. Maybe not Granny. This is war. Don't keep weapons un-used.

WAT

Post deleted by Hiker45

Just IMAGINE how humiliating it will sound to WW.


It sounded fun, playful, and sexy when she said it in the privacy of her vehicle, anticipating an encounter.


Now. It's broad daylight. The encounter has long-been forgotten.


The words will sound to her like the words a prostitute says to a john. The knowledge that you have heard her speak this way will be even more humiliating.


The knowledge that her brother, friend, and others have heard her speak this way will be even worse. Yes, it's a huge LB, but it is better she feels the humiliation now, when there is at least a CHANCE at reconcilliation.


Hiker, I taped my WH during his A as well. He did not even know I suspected he had an A going on. I got some really horrible stuff, and I found out that several people who were at my wedding were complicit. (Hence my negative comments about most folks being cowards.)

Still, now that we are almost a year past it, the pain is not as sharp. We have other M problems to work on, and my pain over the A will probably fade more if we can fix what's broken.

Had the A not ended, there would be no hope. For you, the situation sounds dire. If the A continues, you will loose all hope, so do all you can to end the A. You have nothing to be ashamed of, as far as the A is concerned. The "I had a bad marriage to begin with" part can be dealt with later. That will be when it's time to deal with EN's.


End the A. Piss her off badly, but END IT. Then, and only then, will any chance for healing begin. Yep, she'll be mad as he!!, but she'll get past her anger eventually. You can hold your head high and know you've done all you can do. Fingers crossed here.

Good advice.

Digitize it, make CDs of it. E-mail MP3s of it. Especially good if she says his name.

Here's a fun idea - make a CD of love songs and have this as just one of the tracks. Give her a copy nicely wrapped. On the label > "...in sickness and in health, through good times and bad....I still love you madly."

Got 'nads?

WAT

Whaddayatalkinabout?

Stick it on the internet for all to hear.

Post deleted by Hiker45

You need to do EVERYTHING you can to put pressure on the affair including but not limited to making OM LB your wife. Poor didums.

But one thing about this continued pressure on the OM by the simple act of calling and politely asking him to stop the affair (only two calls to date) is that it is a kind of continuous lovebuster as opposed to Melody's recommendation of doing it all in one big shot so the anger eventually subsides.

Am I making a mistake here? Obviously I've touched a nerve but have I gone too far?

no you haven't gone too far. Your goal is to make th eaffair too uncomfortable and too much trouble for him to continue it.

I can't speak for Melody, but I assume she meant that it's less effective to expose to the parents this month, friends another month, OM's wife two months later, etc. Steady continuous pressure is a different thing.

Here's the deal. If you anger your wife enough, she might leave. But if you don't do everything you can to break up the affair, she won't stop it. So you're not really losing much if she decides to move out. There's a lot to gain if you can put enough pressure on the affair to implode it.

Good!!

How 'bout I call him a few times? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Better yet, get Mel to call him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Seriously, there's turmoil in LaLa Land. She's stressed, he's stressed - this is all going per the typical route. In affairs, all turmoil is good.

Update us, please - what other exposure has yet to be accomplished? I'm sorry i can't remember.

Did she say OM's name on that recording?

I say to keep up the pressure on OM - don't back off. You only have to be smart to avoid a harrasment accusation.

Maybe consider a face to face confrontation with him. Just show up and tell him that you expect him to stay away from your wife. This scheme can also backfire, but it has worked to both scare away a wimpy OM and show the WS that you're willing to do anything to fight for your marriage.

WAT

Want I should call the OM? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I agree you should keep the pressure up with the OM. What a WIMP he is! You could easily scare the beejezuz out of him! Instead of talking to you about your phone call he goes crying to your wife. Can you say WUSSYBOY!?

If I were you, I would call him up and arrange a face to face. Let him see the FACE of the man whose marriage he is trying to destroy. Don't make it EASY FOR HIM for destroy your marriage. Meet with him and ask him: "what are your intentions with my wife?" Let him know that you will fight for your marriage and will even name him in the divorce action. Let him know you will not being going quietly into the night. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I wonder how he would react if he HEARD your tape recording and was told that he is being WATCHED, giving him the impression that you have a PI? I wonder how helpful your evidence would be to his WIFE?

Post deleted by Hiker45

Hiker - you sound too smart to allow yourself to get physical with OM.

But it's OK if he thinks this. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

The more and more I think about it, you really ought to pay him a visit. I'll bet a Starbucks double mocha grande that he folds like a cheap suit.

As for add'l exposure, you need to judge whether someone will just go to your wife afterwards and ask what's been eating you? Will they vilify you instead of the adultery. Hard to predict.

As for the recording, an option you have is give OM a copy of it when you go to see him. "This is for your consideration if you decide to continue to interfere with my marriage. You will be named in any legal actions I choose to take."

Got 'nads?

Take a long look at your son before deciding not to take a stand.

WAT

Post deleted by Hiker45

Actually, this doesn't even need to happen f2f...You could call him up, say what WAT proposed, above, and, then, play the tape....He'll probably defecate himself and tell your WW this is too much for him!

Regards,

BB