Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
| Tax-deductible Donation | Site Tour | Meet Dr. Harley | Basic Concepts | Q&A Columns | Articles | Guidance Forum

Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Forums Calendar Active Threads
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 7 of 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Re: The heat just got turned up . .
Hiker45 #1675197 06/09/06 10:28 AM
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 4,424
Sheet Creek
D
Dobie Offline
Member
Dobie
Member
D Offline
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 4,424
Sheet Creek
Is the silence any harder to deal with than the foggy baloney she'd be spouting otherwise?

Me - BS DDay 1 (Multiple affairs while overseas) - Feb 2003 DDay 2 (AdultFriendFinder Profile) - April 2007 Seeing a counselor. I think we have him stumped.
Re: The heat just got turned up . .
Dobie #1675198 06/09/06 10:50 AM
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 640
A
Ahuman Offline
Member
Ahuman
Member
A Offline
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 640
May I be so bold as to give advice when I am the FWS?

Dont focus on her actions.

Focus on YOUR actions.

YOUR plan.

YOUR good works and YOUR love for your son's family.
Re: The heat just got turned up . . *DELETED*
Dobie #1675199 06/09/06 10:52 AM
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 750
H
Hiker45
Offline
Member
Hiker45
Member
H Offline
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 750
Post deleted by Hiker45
Re: The heat just got turned up . .
Hiker45 #1675200 06/09/06 10:57 AM
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 4,554
M
ManInMotion Offline
Member
ManInMotion
Member
M Offline
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 4,554
Quote
Her mom came over last night and walked past me without a word or glance.

IMO - you are under no obligation to allow anyone, including your MIL, to come into your house and show you disrespect.

ManInMotion
===========
(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
Re: The heat just got turned up . .
Ahuman #1675201 06/09/06 10:58 AM
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
No. Va.
W
worthatry Offline
Member
worthatry
Member
W Offline
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
No. Va.
ditto Ahuman

Good advice.

As for her silent treatment, I think your "childish" characterization is right on. Very typical of WSs deep in the throes. Other terms frequently used to describe this have been "adolescent" and "teenie bopper."

But I think it's futile to try to predict how long it may last. They can zig zag unpredictably. On and off, hot and cold, Jekyl and Hyde - Stan and Ollie? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Try to see the humor in it. If it wasn't SOOOOOO serious, these WSs would be down right funny.

Focus on you and your son. You're the only stable one he has at the moment.

WAT
Re: The heat just got turned up . .
worthatry #1675202 06/09/06 11:01 AM
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 4,424
Sheet Creek
D
Dobie Offline
Member
Dobie
Member
D Offline
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 4,424
Sheet Creek
Just smile at her, tell her how wonderful it is that she's spending quality time with her son, and walk away to go do your own thing.

Me - BS DDay 1 (Multiple affairs while overseas) - Feb 2003 DDay 2 (AdultFriendFinder Profile) - April 2007 Seeing a counselor. I think we have him stumped.
Re: The heat just got turned up . .
Hiker45 #1675203 06/09/06 11:07 AM
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 640
A
Ahuman Offline
Member
Ahuman
Member
A Offline
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 640
Being supportive of her giving him attention is a good thing if you are in Plan A. Isnt it?

If you get upset about it....or about her treatment of you arent you proving her point? (He gets jealous of his own son, he is never happy about what I do, he is so irritable, or whatever argument she may try to find...)

Let her give you the silent treatment.

Be nice anyway and polite to her and just stay busy doing stuff around the house.

Her silent treatment of you wont isolate you from your son. If she has been inconsistent, he knows it. Kids--even toddlers--they know this stuff.

Just focus on being the best father and person you can be.

You catch more flies with honey than a swatter!!
Re: The heat just got turned up . .
Ahuman #1675204 06/09/06 11:48 AM
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 750
H
Hiker45
Offline
Member
Hiker45
Member
H Offline
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 750
Well I am disappointed that she would give me the silent treatment in the presence of our son, which will clearly give him the impression that something is wrong.

I have been trying to protect him from any visible signs of trouble between my wife and I.
Re: The heat just got turned up . .
Hiker45 #1675205 06/09/06 11:56 AM
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
No. Va.
W
worthatry Offline
Member
worthatry
Member
W Offline
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
No. Va.
Quote
Well I am disappointed that she would give me the silent treatment in the presence of our son....
Disappointed?

Are you thinking of her as a normal person?

Don't.

If you can think of her as an alien abductee, evil twin, imposter, whatever - please do so.

Detach.

Don't expect rational behavior. Expect lunacy - that way you can't be disappointed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

As surreal as it might seem, if you can see the humor in her behavior, it'll help you cope immensely.

WAT
Re: The heat just got turned up . . *DELETED*
worthatry #1675206 06/09/06 12:13 PM
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 750
H
Hiker45
Offline
Member
Hiker45
Member
H Offline
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 750
Post deleted by Hiker45
Re: The heat just got turned up . . *DELETED*
Hiker45 #1675207 06/09/06 04:21 PM
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 750
H
Hiker45
Offline
Member
Hiker45
Member
H Offline
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 750
Post deleted by Hiker45
Re: The heat just got turned up . .
Hiker45 #1675208 06/09/06 05:47 PM
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
No. Va.
W
worthatry Offline
Member
worthatry
Member
W Offline
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
No. Va.
Quote
There's nothing I can really do to stop it.
....except for more exposing.

WAT
Page 7 of 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 342 guests, and 705 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Babuu, thomas-dean, Mukesh Ram, duocbinhdong, RonBrown
72,055 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Can I become attracted to anyone?
by clara jane - 08/27/25 02:42 AM
Annulment reconsideration help
by RonBrown - 08/21/25 11:27 PM
Three Times A Charm
by leorasy - 08/20/25 12:00 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,528
Members72,056
Most Online8,273
Aug 17th, 2025
Forum Rules · Mark All Read Contact Us · Forum Help · Marriage Builders
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Feedback | Terms and Conditions | Privacy Policy | Contact Us | Site Map | Account
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0