I am thinking of divorcing my husband. He has had a number of affairs, and although we keep trying to work out the relationship, it's not working. I could go into all the reasons why, but that is not the point.

My children do not know of the affairs that I know of. My husband will be very nasty if we divorce making me look like the bad guy (we almost divorced once and he was so nasty I went back to him out of fear that the children would hate me). I was wondering if I should tell the older children everything. My children range from 16-8. I am not in favor of making their father look back, but at the same time, they will not understand why the divorce is taking place without knowing everything. I have put up with so much just for the children. I was scared of divorcing, scared of being poor, and living in a dump. Now a dump sounds so much better than being here.

I am also concerned for my older boys. My husband is always looking at other women and commenting on their breasts, or how hot they are. Now he and my older boys do this all the time. They do it on older women, and also my boys will ask their father "Do you think she is hot", and it will be a teenager they go to school with. We can't ever watch movies without all girls being rated.

Advice needed

Passingoftime

Absolutely you should tell them if you are getting a divorce. You don't have to provide every detail, bit I would let them know the reasons you are divorcing your husband and be honest with them. For the younger ones, just make sure the information is age appropriate.

I tol dthe kids, well they found out when she asked me to leave for "space" then had HIM over the weekend I left. The kids knew he was there and what they were doing so when I told my 10 year old that there is going to be someone else in the house that isnt daddy she cried and screamed to mommy I hate you. My ex picked up the phone and screamed at me saying wtf was I saying to her. I said I was telling her the truth that Mommy has a new boyfriend and he will more then likely try to replace me as the daddy now that I am not there anymore. She called her lawyer and the fun began. basically she lied through her teeth to the lawyer saying that I shouldnt be telling the kids these things. I shot back, well I didnt have to tell the kids, they told me!

I told my kids when I thought I was leaving (but changed my mind later).

Even though it was probably more than I should have told them, they have accepted it and they have accepted their dad. The only thing is my husband feels he cannot give the boys any advice or discipline them any more because he can't speak with any authority or respect. I say to him that you will earn a lot of respect by just being here and spending time with them (he was VERY absent before).

I think it really helped my husband with ending the affair, as well as the exposure to his parents. It really knocked him to his senses and I don't really regret now that they know, well maybe a bit.

If we were divorcing then I would definitely 100% say tell them and you should save those boys from the same fate.