I thought it would be nice to give other newbies and idea what they could look forward to, when and if they recover their marriages.


Sincerely,
k.d.'s Heartbreak

I know I'm still fairly new here, but I can say that H was selfish. He wanted time to himself. He didn't help with the kids or house! All we talked about was material things. He would get defensive and angry in a heartbeat. before I didn't want to be around him because of his attitude, the arguing, and all the negativity.

Now, H's willing to listen to me (and I, him), we spend more time together. We hold hands walking into a store, and we can turn the TV off and talk. I think I've smiled more in the past week than I have in the past year! Granted, H and I still have a long row to hoe, but as they say "Rome was not built in a day!" I look for little signs like H picking up his coke can, his tone of voice, or his interaction with my and the kids! I'm slowly starting to see the man I fell in love with, of course the pain and hurt of betrayal is still there but "The only remedy for love is to love more!"

What a nice post needing comfort.

What about all the rest of you experienced Mbers???

Wow....NC, you just described a lot of me prior to my wife's A. Of course, there were some differences (always are) - I did help with the kids and the house, but usually did so with "OK, it's my job so I'll do it" attitude. Anger (mine) was a big LB in our marriage.

We're nowhere near recovered, but I'm always glad to hear success stories, because it gives me something to hold on to in the dark moments (which are less and less, thankfully).

kdsheartbreak - As for behavior difference pre- and post-A, I guess for me the litmus test will be whether or not MP and I can resolve the issues that we had pre-A - the things that left either one of us vulnerable to an A. In other words - a recovered marriage (in my very newbie opinion) should be a marriage where you love each other the way you did before, only it'll continue to get stronger and better.

Dear Brokenbird,

Thanks for your opinion.

Your name touches me. It speaks volumes.


Sincerely,

k.d.'s hearbreak

thanks brokenbird, it's good to hear that someone else was/is dealing with the issues that I'm dealing with! It's a very slow progess, which grates on my nerves! D-day was 4-22/23-06, so you can see we're really in the beginning of this thing! best wished to you and yours in your time of need! If I can ever offer any advice I will do my best.

k.d.'s heartbreak- thanks for starting the post, I look forward to reading what our other MBer's have to say! Being that H and I have only been Married 8years, together 13, how did you make it 27 years? I'm going to have to find your posts!

thanks to ALL!

Squid behaves as considerately now as she did selfishly during her affair.
The contrast between her behaviours now and then make her appear as though she was demon-possessed during her affair.

She is careful not to hurt anyone, diligent as a wife and mother and appreciative of the blessings in her life.

Se is also scared, ashamed, guilty and embarassed. These feelings & behaviours need to still be addressed for her health and personal recovery.

She is a better wife to me now than she has been in years. What a pity is cost such a dreadful price to achieve.

Bump for more comments

When my H was involved in his A, which lasted over 2 years, he was distant, cold, argumentative and just prior to D-DAY, he began acting as if he HATED me..hardly came home..didn't want me to touch him..wouldn't look at me..almost no SF. YUCK..hate to think about this.

As soon as I discovered the affair and during MY PLAN A, he started to change. He would revert back into the demon but a itty bit of him would come through at times.

Now, I NEVER see the DEMON that he was during the affair. I'm glad you asked the question because I am so thankful to say this.

He is more AFFECTIONATE than he has ever been even since our dating years which began over 30 years ago. I would hate to give the A credit for this. Hopefully, his change has to do with him reaching middle-age..maybe he's so thankful to be with me again. He likes to hold onto me, smell me (Really), kisses me Hello and Goodby, grabs my hand in the car, holds my hand while shopping...always ends phone conversations by saying "I love you"...calls me "Baby"... UNBELIEVABLE.. HE NEVER USED TO DO THIS STUFF! I didn't even know that he liked AFFECTION. That's why I've said on other threads that my H is so WONDERFUL NOW.

Also, much different than when he was having an affair, he is obsessive about accounting for his time and telling me stuff that he could have kept secret...He tells me exactly when he will be home..calls me if he is going to be late..keeps his cell on at all times (used to turn it off when with her)..tells me about extra money and business transactions...

Prior to the affair and even during the affair, he was helpful around the house..However, he had stopped taking care of me the way he used to do. For many years prior to the affair, while he was "in love with me", he would bring me coffee in the morning, wash my car and shine my shoes (Yes, really). The problem was that I took this for granted and didn't express appreciation for this. So he has started to do all of this stuff again and I really, really am sincerely grateful to have him because he takes good care of me. Of course, I also now take good care of him in many ways...In fact, he just now came and got my car to get it washed. I loved it that he never got her car washed. Everytime I saw it, it was dirty... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to share this.

None of this, as you might have guessed, has come easy. Plan A, Plan B and Recovery has been difficult..has been ******. I'm focusing here on the GOOD STUFF...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

What a beautiful post, Mimi.

Bump again for more enlightening comments from recovered mbers

When my WH was in his affair, he was hateful, pushed me away,never helped with the kids, dressed better, came home when he pleased, drank more and was violent. Acted like he hated us all.

Now he is just wonderful, coming home on time,more attentive to MY needs,helps around the house explains things more, opening a bit more which we are working on that. Touchs me more, hold hands when we go through the store, tells me I`m beautiful.And what really helps is, if I have a bad day and I let him know, he puts his arms around me and says honey it will pass.He tells me he loves me every day before he goes to work. I just hope that this is the way we will always be, its been a rough road to travel but (real)love can conquer.We are still workinig on our marriage.

Bump

OK, I know you are all out there, come on Mr and Mrs Wonderings, and others.

Inquiring minds want to know.

(tapping fingers, waiting......) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Please more!!!Thanks for the great post!!!

Waiting to hear what's in store for us newbies! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

asi read these posts, i keep praying to God to give me a "do-over" so far it's not looking very hopeful

BUMP, BUMP,