The title about says it all.


An OW is going to be welcomed into the family..as usual it is a big tangled mess.

'Cause..his first wife was a green card marriage..then it wasn't..then it was again. No one really knew for sure. Actually..so many lies rolling around that entire fiasco [and it was a catholic wedding..personally I felt I was OWED a lifelong committment from the two of them just for having sat through the ceremony on a hard wooden pew two weeks after having delivered a child for what felt like an eternity] that I doubt anyone knows what the truth was.

Here's what I do know.

BIL lied extensively about his involvement with OW.

XBS was VERY upset to discover the A.

BIL and XBS went through an on again off again thing for a period of months.

The marriage lasted less than two years.

BIL and OW have been living together ever since.

It has been about 6 years since then.

BIL and OW are both atheists and are a successfull couple.

I'm not going to the wedding. My children are not going to the wedding. I doubt H will go..but due to being largely uninvested in FOO not principle.

I expect the feces to hit the oscillator because if I am asked why I am not going I will be honest rather than make up an excuse.

What say you MB? I'm doing a pretty good job of alienating extended family in all directions, no?

Well Noodle,

Everyone has to follow their own conscience and be true to themselves.

You might ask yourself this question though,

"What purpose would it serve to not attend your BIL's wedding?"

"Do you want to have a relationship with your BIL later?"

You have said yourself that there was a question of having married for the green card.

Could the marriage of been for convience and a mistake that your BIL made?

Sincerely,
k.d.'s Heartbreak

And a great job in standing up for what's right, imo.

bleech.

here's my toast to them.

"may you remain forever together or as long as you feel you want to. to have and to hold in pretty good times and in not that bad a times...but to run in the face of hades. may you both last a touch longer than the experts say you will...and may your happiness be marginal because it's at the expense of others.."

again...beeelllllch..

I have gas too. can I do that?

OOPS!

I have the green apple quickstep.

attention atlanta mb'ers...STAY AWAY FROM PEACHY...UNLESS YOU'RE PACKING LYSOL!

HEY...when is the wedding? can I GIVE MY TOAST JUST LIKE THIS TONIGHT? I CAN DO IT BY PHONE? EQUALLY EFFECTIVE...just as long as I have the darn bug!

I like the sound effects. I think it adds "an extra touch" of character to the marriage toast!

G.R.I.T.S. are so quaint.

Noodle,

For me I would have to pass as anything associated with an A causes me to trigger. Movies, songs, tv, etc... Your call and I do know you will do the right thing.

Also thank you for your past posts, keep posting. Always great to get your input, I really appreciate it. Thank you.

Noodle,

Stand proud and tall with you convictions.

You're doing exactly what my family and I would do!


Pep, I loved the toast! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Do you do speak at conventions? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

kds...are you sniffing glue with mimi


What purpose would it serve to not attend your BIL's wedding?"

It serves the self purpose of words having having meaning and actions having meaning...

the attendance of a wedding is public support of people entering sacred vows...it usually helps when the people TAKING the vows BELEIVE in them in the first place...

Do you want to have a relationship with your BIL later?"

exactly what type of relationship does one want to have with a non repentant liar....
no thank you....

Could the marriage of been for convience and a mistake that your BIL made?

mistakes don't excuse affairs and betrayal...

kds....
while it can seem that one is petty or mean or something to not attend a wedding..
it's none of those things...it is respectfully saying that the invitee can not support their nuptials...and in all fairness should not attend based on that...

I'm not picking on you...
I just am concerned how people treat weddings as just parties...when in truth the whole reason for gathering two or more.....is to hear, acknowledge, and support the vows...

could noodle sit quietly and not make wretching noises when the priest says...what God has joined let no man put asunder...should she....

weddings and marriages stand for specific things in our culture....

the attendance to them also stands for specific things...

how can you stand in support of a person taking vows...who spit on the same vows that they took a few years back...

NOT going...

which doesn't mean you have to make a big deal...or take some stand...
but NOT going...

is the right thing to do..

in fact...how could you go ...and stand by while they speak words they do not understand in meaning....

ARK

Hi Ark,

sniffing glue, lol, I don't think so.

I guess I am looking at the whole picture. Family and all.

There was a question about the credibility of the marriage.

I mean shoot people have been known to buy into getting a citizenship through marriage.

Everyone makes mistakes in life.

If their marriage was on the level and not for the citizenship of the bs, then I might agree with your stance.

My point is everyone makes stupid mistakes.

He could have corrected his a little differently by divorcing her before having a relationship, yes.

But what if he was just a stupid young man who got married to give her a green card, business, not love.

Then he wakes up, realizes his mistake and stupidly doesn't do the manly thing and divorce wife but falls into another relationship.

Yes, him having an affair was wrong, but I guess my thinking is that he was married for convience, a business deal made without thought to the consequences.

So, shoot me if you want.

He should have never sullied the marriage institute with a marriage for green card scam.

Thank goodness god forgives those who sin.


k.d.'s heartbreak

P.S. Geeze I would have posted a controversial post a long time ago if I thought I would have gotten to talk to you, Ark. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I do admire you alot.

Yep,

I'm dreading this one for sure.

Not just the wedding but the rest of it as well.

Hs family are not principled people. They like things easy.

Noodle<--- is OK with easy..I LOVE easy..provided it isn't unethical.

This is unethical.

Now I realize that they have been divorced for several years and that the affair has by far outlasted the marriage..that OW fits into the family much better than XBS did [and better than I do for that matter]..that they HAVE no religious beliefs and it is just a party for them..but it isn't for me.

Ever the hanger on I suppose.

I suppose it has a harsh ring for me. Had H married his OW they would have eventually accepted her and done the same thing to me. It's who they are.

I'm not sure myself where to draw the line.

We have attended family functions that included the pair [not until after the divorce was final but we do go to them].

My children do not call her "aunt" and they do use that term for their other aunts...but they have been exposed to her. I have never been comfortable with that.

Is it too much to ask that affairees who marry embrace a self imposed exile to their home planet?

Noodle,

This shouldn't be a big agonizing decision.

An invitation to a wedding is not a royal summons. You don't HAVE to come because someone invites you. You don't even have to send a present. And you don't even have to explain why, although it's customary when formally declining the invitation to say "prior engagement" or "out of town" or something.

If they regard it only as a party -- this is even more true. You don't accept every party invitation, after all.

It doesn't have to be a big reappraisal of one's ethics. (It does however seem ironic that they wish to treat marriage lightly, but have everyone take it seriously.)

AM

The decision is not agonizing.

The decision was simple and obvious.

Refusal to attend means something and they all know it.

This is Hs brother..not a distant cousin.

It's going to be a big deal.

I dread the backlash. Just me being a coward I suppose.

It'll be the second time in a year that I enforced a [seemingly] small boundary with larger implications..the implications are never lost on the other party..I'm still regrowing skin from the last bout of roasting and not looking foreward to another go.

That's the emotionally honest part.

Join the club. I'll send the oil for basting.

It's always murder when you take people's actions more seriously than they do. I'm going through the same thing.

not a coward...but somebody bringing a little light into a very fogged out place.

i salute you!

sorry for the earlier post...but this ever so usually dainty grit has had one serious case of the stomach bug

wow...and they're both athiests too?

can I write the vows?

dearly beloved, today we gather here in the sight of well...NOT GOD...to unite devoid of any faith or belief system this man and his mistress.

since they both deny the presence of a higher power, I can say that it was cool that when they met they were both married..since this couple does NOT acknowledge any heaven or ****** or anything like it...or even reincarnation. nada!
zilch.

as the high priestess of the "church of what's happening now"....I can say that they're meant for each other. and if they lie, so what. it's NOT a sin. if they cheat, so what! it's NOT a sin.

now I will turn over the rest of the service to Mr. Tom Cruise of the UNCHURCH of scientology. He will present a service called "couch jumping for life...the tenets of a hormonally driven union and its perks".

Justpeachy..

Can I just say...

Exactly.

u are far toooo kind.

think it's too late to get tom to do the un ceremony?