Well, for those of you that are at all familiar with my situation, I have finally after 9 months had enough. After 9 months of dealing with the alien I just can't take another day of it. I came to the swift decision after another frustrating, confusing conversation with the WH that I'm getting off of this rollercoaster ride.

I was trying to hold on for 5 more days until my kids are gone but I just can't even do it for another second let alone 5 days.

I am scared as all he11 but a little excited at the same time. I think I'm excited to take back some control in my life. That I'm sitting here knowing what I'm going to do and have been planning it all day and WH isn't gonna know what hit him. He's sitting at his apt with the kids right now in his safe little world that thinks I'm still ready and willing to take whatever little crumbs he is willing to give me that day. I'm not, not anymore!!!! The thought of my WH makes me sick right now.

Now, for the part of me that is scared. I'm scared that never again am I going to have the H I love back. I'm never going to feel his arms around me again, I'm never going to laugh with him again, etc. That scares the [censored] out of me. That this may be the final nail in the coffin so to speak.

I'm also scared how he is going to react once he reads the letter. Absolutely terrified, not for my physical safety or anything, just that he is going to try everyway possible to manipulate me again. But at the same time, I'm scared he won't even react at all. That it won't even phase him.

All of these emotions, I look forward to tonight being over and tomorrow being a new day.

InaDaze,
Good Luck w/ plan B it does bring peace...a welcome relief. I figure plan B is our last best chance. Do you have the arrangements set? Kid exchange has been a problem for me. The best plan B is a dark plan B. I've had some slips and it really does lessen the message. WH will not like plan B. They are very tricky about getting you to break it...try to anticipate these situations and think how you would respond.

You are in my thoughts and prayers....good luck!

Thank you ChaCha, I was hoping you would respond. I have been keeping up with your plan B and the way your WH tried to get you to break plan B scares me. I know my WH will try those same tactics. But at the same time I will be disappointed if he doesn't try.

I'm sure he is going to be angry and think I'm being childish, spiteful, manipulative, etc. I know why I'm doing it so I guess that's all that matters.

It makes me sad that it has to come to this but I can't turn back once I give him that letter. I can't break my word to myself. I've already lost so much respect for myself, I need to start getting it back.

I will keep reading about your plan B and will keep you in my thoughts.

What time will you give the plan B letter?

Hey IAD--
Sorry I have been absent from the boards and e-mail--been out of town and super busy since I've been home.

Just wanted to send my "you can do this's" your way as well. I never did a plan B, but know it is meant to protect you and get you to that safe place.

I can do lunch this week if you'd like--sort of a MB plan-b kick-off lunch. Let me know at my hotmail address is Thursday is good for you.

Take Care,
Intexas

I am giving it to him at 6pm, so in about 30 minutes. He usually brings the kids home at 7pm but I texted him and told him that I would pick them up at 6pm b/c I am in town. This way I can give it to him and leave. I'm afraid that if I give it to him at my house he will read it in the driveway and then try to talk to me before he leaves.

My stomach is in knots. Is this how you felt ChaCha?

InTexas, I'm so glad to hear from you. I was beginning to get worried.

I think Thursday would be fine, I will email you in a minute.

Hope all is well with you and you had a good trip.

ABSOLUTELY! Sweaty palms, shakey knees the whole thing. When I said goodbye that night it really felt like the LAST time I'd say goodbye. After I gave it to him...I think I cried...then there was a huge sense of relief. I finally did it I stood up and said this is not good enough....I deserve more.

You deserve more too!

I think its great you and intexas are close enough to meet for lunch. The general public just doesn't get the MB stuff!

I see that you changed the title to the thread.

I cried too...as long as you did it...its true heart felt emotion. WS might not get why you cried but plan B is not really for him anyway. Let it out! Have a glass of wine and a hot shower.

You did good. I'm proud of you. Turn off your phones.

I actually was not as nervous as I thought I was going to be. It was a long time coming. I just wanted it to be over with before I lost my nerve. I knocked on his door and guess what as predicted by the last 9 months of his behavior the jacka$$ i have dealt with for the last 5 days was gone and Mr. niceguy was back. I walked in his apt. and got the kids bags then took them to the car. I went back in and told my kids to get their shoes on and come on. He kept talking to me and I couldn't even really acknowledge him. He started asking me about our trip on Friday to take the kids to Arkansas, I just answered his questions as vaguely as I could then when I got ready to walk out the door I handed him the letter. He kind of did a roll of the eyes and I started crying as I was walking out. He watched me get in the car and pull away and I'm pretty sure he knows I was crying.

I attached an add on to the letter telling him that I had made other arrangements for our trip to Arkansas to take the kids to meet my parents and that I did not need for him to accompany me. I have not heard from him yet, but I'm sure he doesn't think I will stand by it and it is something I'm doing to be dramatic.

ChaCha you said that you felt like it would be the last time you said goodbye to him. I don't feel that way, am I in denial?

These next few days are going to be he11 i think.

Did you wonder what your WH did when he read the letter. I wonder if he's upset or if he blew it off. I know part of plan B is for me to stop wondering about him, that is going to be the hardest part by far.

Of course I wonder if the letter affected him. I may never know. I still wonder about my WH everyday...but it does not consume my every thought. I've not done a stellar plan B. Each slip I had set things back. Its not a quick fix but a long haul.

Did you make arrangements for pick up and drop off of kids? You will have to tell the kids something. My DD11 tries to find ways to get us in the same room at the same time. I finally had to be very blunt with her. How old are your kids?
edited to add: just saw the kids' ages in your sig. info

My kids are only going to be here for tomorrow and Thursday then they will be gone for 3 weeks. I put in the plan B letter that we would stick to the current arrangement on visitation and then in the add on section I put that for tomorrow and thursday that I would drop them off at 8am and pick them up at 5pm and to please have them watch for me.

They will be back a week then they will go to his parents for several weeks. So I really won't have to see him due to the kids for most of the summer. However, we work together atleast 3 days out of the week. So I have to try to limit our contact at work as much as possible.

I am going to try to not tell the kids anything right now since they won't be here for it until the end of summer. I think I'm hoping it will be over before I have to tell them...

I'd have someone else pick up and drop off.


I think it's pretty unlikely that WH will honor your wishes..he'll probably try to force you to interact with him.

These are the sort of situations you will have to WORK to avoid..so don't blow it your first day.

Think of it this way. You have sent WH a NC letter [you never want to see WH again..only H right?]..now you have to figure a way to make that real...just like Fwh will have to make NC real with OW if he wants to reconcile.

You're going to be weak..and want to talk to him and see him..you'll go through depression and withdrawl and all of the things that WSs go through.

You'll understand up close and personal just how much is involved in a genuine NC.

If you expect him to do it..you have to be willing to do it yourself.

I agree w/ noodle. If you can get someone else to the drop off/ pick up. Or at least the pick up WH will not have them ready and waiting. With drop off...do not get out of the car.


YOU WORK TOGETHER???!!! Are you in the same place at the same time. Can you alternate schedule so you don't have to be? I don't know how plan B is going to be effective if you have to work w/ him several times a week.

Yeah..he's still gonna be able to get his "fix".

How is that going to work?

IAD - Good for you. You're a better man than I am. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

A couple of things that may help:

As another poster said, turn the ringers off on all the phones. That way you won't sit and listen for them to ring and you won't have to know if he called or not. Let HIM worry about that.

Same with his email. Block it. You won't be looking for it.

You mentioned thinking that your Plan B won't faze him and he won't care at all, and if he makes no effort to contact you that's probably what you'll believe.

You might be surprised.

Others have posted here that even though the WS seemed not to react, their dark Plan B did indeed have a deep and sometimes devastating effect. Try not to wonder what's he's doing or thinking. Just let the medicine work. It takes time.

Good luck. You will get much support here.
Mulan

I may be able to get one of my friends at work to pick up the kids both days, b/c you are right he is definately going to use that to try to manipulate contact. I am already worrying about it and I don't want to blow it the first day. He is expecting me to. right now I know he has read that letter and thought to himself, yeah right. S is just being dramatic but she won't stick to it.

I AM GOING TO STICK TO IT!!!!!

The work situation sucks but I don't have any choice. He is a police sergeant so he spends alot of time on the street and not in the office. I am an admin asst. We also work on different floors so I can try to minimize contact as much as possible. I really don't see him too often unless I'm looking for him. Some weeks we work 2 of the same days and others we work 3. The other 2 admin assts. are aware of the situation and are supportive with whatever they need to do to help me stay away from him.

It's going to be tricky but I can make it work. I am determined and nothing stands in my way when I'm determined.

I know I can expect the withdrawal, it's gonna suck but I have to get through it. I have no choice, I cannot continue doing what I've been doing for the last 9 months, I was slowly losing myself. I was becoming a shell of a person... maybe I should have been a writer, listen to the melodrama... LOL

Thank you all for the support. It was everybody's wisdom on this board that has gotten me through to this point. It may have taken me sometime to get here but I couldn't have done it without reading all of the advice and support on MB.

I know I'm going to need that support now more than ever.

He will try to find you in the building by "accident". Can you work a different shift than he does? Can one of your co-workers be a "look out" and give you a heads up when he is in the building or on your floor?

At first he may think yeah right....but then it may turn to "she can't do this to me". Plan B is suppose to make WS uncomfortable...you are no longer meeting ANY needs...you are not there to blame...you are not available to be controlled. WS can be very manipulative, (I love cops) but being one gives him A LOT of resources. You will need to think ahead and anticipate possible scenerios...like different ways to enter and exit bldg...Changing your driving route...changing shift...places to go to avoid him if he comes to your office.

Did you change the locks on the house yet?

ONLY A few words OF ADVICE FOR YOU TONIGHT !!!!

"You never get a second chance to make a 1st impression".

This is YOUR BEST chance to recover YOURSELF and hopefully your marriage.....It is my opinion that a "modified" plan B is as harmful to one's goals of recovering themselves and their marriage as endorsing an affair.

IAD, you have taught your husband how to treat you for these past 9 months. The man has to RELEARN things. Just as you have enabled this dysfunction in your life, you can DISABLE it....You have to power here. This is your chance to take back your life. Take back your respect. Start loving yourself again.

If you let this cheating husband of yours back in your life WITHOUT CONCRETE actions of change and remorse, you are in my opinion 100% responsible for your plight.

Your WH is sitting at home undoubtedly thinking this is all about "drama" from you. He does NOT think for one New York minute that you have the stones to go the distance here. He may "wait" you out....thinking it will not be a long wait.

Best wishes for success IN GAINING back YOUR self respect and dignity....everything else in MY OPINION is secondary.

Lem

It is not possible for me to change shifts. I can change how I enter and exit the building and I can have someone alert me if he's in the building. I am going to take as many precautions as I can. I do not want to blow this and prove to him that I don't mean what I say.

I have to check into whether or not I can change the locks on the house. We don't have legal separations in Texas and his name is on the house plus he still pays the mortgage.

This morning I went to drop the kids off and he was waiting at the door for them as soon as I pulled in. I did not walk them up to the door I stayed at the car. When I pulled away I could see him out of the corner of my eye watching me leave. I have a feeling that right now he does not believe I will stand by this so he is not going to try to contact me yet. He will try to wait me out to see if I crack. I am not going to crack, this is what I waited for, a week ago, even a day ago, I probably would have cracked but something snapped inside of me on Monday night and I am determined now.

I have the support of all of his family and they have agreed not to give him any information about me. I am trying to think of every scenario so I can be prepared for it before it happens.

I do feel a sense of relief today that I don't have to worry about which person I'm going to be talking to that day, Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde.